Hello, I am Jake and I'm 35 years old and life in the world has always sucked!
I always believed, for the most part, when others told me that I was an as*hole and that I was the one causing problems by being different. But until a few months ago I never knew both how right and how wrong those people were! As a kid I was picked on horribly because I wouldn't fit their preconceived notions of a world view...that lasted until I learned to stick up for myself, so, high school I guess. I'm an Army brat and it seemed a logical extension that when all the rest of my "plans" failed I'd give the Army a shot. And so I did, and have, for more than ten years.
I love being a soldier and I'm sure some of you can understand why: structure. It affords me a social framework from which to operate. I don't have to guess as much what people need or think because I understand the needs of the Army. It saves me quite a lot of anguish that I was unable to assuage as a civilian. This being said, even then my life wasn't easy! I've worked long and hard to appear normal when at work, but growing up un-diagnosed gave me plenty of practice. Still though, I thought I was just an anti-social as*hole who'd always be on the outside. That all changed when the Army decided it would be a good idea to make me a recruiter, however.
They took one of the worst possible candidates and shoved me into a social word of human interaction for which I am...not equipped! It was absolute despair and mental anguish combined with months of hiding in my home after work that finally drove me to seek help. I honestly had never looked in to Asperger's, I knew broadly what it was, but never even thought it might apply to me. I had the fortune of meeting a really compassionate psychiatrist who diagnosed me without testing, but ordered the testing at my insistence. And then the Army got involved and ordered their own testing. Again I had the fortune of meeting with a specialist in his field, and twice, by both civilian and military doctors, I was tested and diagnosed with Asperger's. Sounds like a lot to go through for a simple thing, and it was and took months of back and forth...I digress. Having a label was almost as good as having the diagnosis. Having a reason, both internal and yet external to one's self, was the most liberating thing that's ever happened to me!
At any rate, I'm long winded and sometimes go on at length about things with a sometimes singular focus...and I have to get ready for work!
Thanks for reading,
- Jake
30 Dec 2013, 10:17 am
