Aspie struggling with first NT girlfriend

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Hi everyone; first post here. I'm not in any trouble with the girl, but I'm just confused as to what to act/do and deal with some quirks of my Asperger's (I think they're from my Asperger's) that are putting some stress to the relationship, and I want to mitigate them more now as an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

I'm 22 and have Asperger's, and until a couple months ago I struggled immensely with women, largely due to my inability to pick up on a lot of cues. I finally have a girlfriend (she's a neurotypical), and she's wonderful and complements me in a lot of ways and sees a lot of positives with my being an Aspie; unfortunately, I keep getting fixated on things (I get fixated and dwell on a lot of things outside of romance as well), and they're starting to irritate her.

First, is that I'm constantly worried that things are fine with us. She gets worried about some things (mainly distance, as we're forced to do long-distance for a bit), and seems to keep things inside and lets build up a bit until they're problems. I always ask her if things are fine and that we're good, and she always tells me they are, but she's been telling me she's annoyed lately with how I have to ask these things and says I should not worry about things so much with her.

Second, I over-analyze everything she says. Like if she says "not really" as a response to a question, I take that and try to prod more out of her, which frustrates her because she says it feels like she has to play "mental chess" sometimes when she has a conversation with me because I fixate on a word in a sentence and elaborate something out of it. I don't do that with solely her, as I do that with my friends, too, but she hasn't known me near as long as them and isn't as used to it as they are.

Last, is that she is a few years older than me, and has more experience sexually as a result (I was a virgin before her). I kind of get fixated on who she's done certain things with (she's told me about every relationship she's had) and what stuff she hasn't done before or has only done with her most serious relationship before me. I also ask her how I compare to her exes in bed and what I can do to be better than them, and while she has been good about answering them, I can tell it's starting to wear on her and irritate her a bit.

She likes and loves a lot of things about me, like my thoughtfulness and extreme attention to detail and very thorough planning and my being obsessed with being the best boyfriend she could possibly have; but, I want to stop doing these things that irritate her so she can be happy and we can have a better relationship, as it's tough finding a girl who's so understanding of my Asperger's and some of the potential relationship issues that come with it. I don't think these things are too big of an issue for her yet, and she rebounds from them quickly, but I'd like to keep her a long time, and I'd like to do whatever I can to make things easier, and dealing with these fixations and finding ways to not dwell on them would be a big help.

So, I was wondering, what should I do about this? Anything she should do? How can I get that to stop and do you have any tips on being a good aspie boyfriend for a NT girl?

Thank you in advance for any responses, as I figured this would be the best place for an aspie to get genuine and relate-able help when it comes to romance. I'm new at it and don't have much of a clue about these things, and that's without the complications having Asperger's potentially brings!

Leave the past in the past. Don't interrogate her about her exes, and don't ask for comparisons. If you have to question about these things, then keep it very general. She's with you, so try to feel secure with that.

She isn't with her exes for a reason don't try getting to deep into that, you'll only upset both of you. I'm trying to learn to get out my head right now too. What I'm doing is focusing more on my needs and less on other peoples needs. I needed to bathe daily not just every other day so I do. I shave daily and my skin doesn't break out from irritation. Find something you'd like to change in your life and go change it. Want to read a book? Want to see a movie? Focus on yourself not others. And it is difficult I'm just starting but in time I'll be able to do it more easily. Trust her. Believes what she says without looking for deeper meanings. Aspies have so much trouble seeing the subtlety in life that they take every obvious thing and make it more complicated than it is. Hope this helps.

I used to have IMMENSE trouble with understanding what the heck was going on in the relationship and severe over analysis because I never could really just "pick up" on how things were going. I put in a lot of work the last 2 years to flood myself with so many social situations that I eventually came to at least understand what was considered normally appropriate and not appropriate and how much effort I was supposed to put into a relationship, but in a very quantifiable logical way, rather than the standard vagueness that surrounds emotional relationships.

I started to learn that you need to be careful about constantly asking for status updates on how the relationship is doing and what she'd like improved. It's like having a waiter or waitress keep bothering you about how everything is going at the restaurant when it's going fine. Don't talk about the status, especially if she's aware of your disability. She'll verbally state what she's thinking.

Don't worry about the other sexual partners. The past is the past. It will only perturb you if you think too much about that, and she's with you now, so nothing you can do about that.

Embrace the situation you are in. Don't look into anything. people tend to be okay with the situation if the other one appears okay, but if you keep asking if there's a problem, sooner or later she'll say "Yes there is a problem, even if the problem is you asking if there's a problem"

I agree with the above post. I CAUSE problems by always worrying if there is one. And the past is very much the past. I have a close friend who cares about me a great deal and I try to look into everything. I think I look into things and aspies in general because we don't trust that we see what is true. Stop and think about much more basic things, are you happy? If so then don't question it. This is a level of honesty and acceptance that is hard for us as aspies. Accept that she is happy be nice to her be yourself don't worry if there is meaning in every situation. If you have a really big concern that's eating at you ask her ONCE! And accept her answer as the truth.

In NT land no one ever says negative things unless they are very angry. When you ask "what's wrong" you are literally asking for her to get angry at you and start a fight.

1. Asking about her exes and whether you are better than them... This will sound arrogant and very insecure to your girlfriend.

2. Overanalyzing everything and anything has destroyed many relationships. Fixating on certain things will be an irritant for sure.

3. When she is upset or has a problem with the relationship, she will say something. You're trying to support and validate her when she doesn't need it. She will need it when she says something like "I feel like you don't listen to me."

4. She isn't approving of your behaviour when you get insecure for no reason. As a guy, our egos typically look to be approved by the women we love. This is our equivalent to their needing support and validation. Refer to point number 1 for why you may not be getting any approval right now.

5. Prayer/mediation works wonders on the worrying and overthinking