How these trashy men even get into relationships?

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The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Jan 2014, 3:14 am

We are seeing them all the time in life, here, and on this very board like when women post thread describing the psycho/violent/cheating/parasite behaviors of their men.

How comes these men even have relationships/exes?



warsend
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08 Jan 2014, 3:22 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
We are seeing them all the time in life, here, and on this very board like when women post thread describing the psycho/violent/cheating/parasite behaviors of their men.

How comes these men even have relationships/exes?


Nice guys finish last sometimes in my opinion. I wonder the same exact thing sometimes. s**t, I'm not perfect by any stretch but hearing about the one guy who wouldn't let his girlfriend mention her ex's names being in a relationship makes you think.

I just focus on myself now more then ever and improve myself. There will be a girl who appreciates me for who I am and when I find it, it will be a great feeling. That's what I, and you guys should tell yourself. There's someone out there, heck she might be a couple blocks down the road.



The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Jan 2014, 3:30 am

warsend wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
We are seeing them all the time in life, here, and on this very board like when women post thread describing the psycho/violent/cheating/parasite behaviors of their men.

How comes these men even have relationships/exes?


Nice guys finish last sometimes in my opinion. I wonder the same exact thing sometimes. sh**, I'm not perfect by any stretch but hearing about the one guy who wouldn't let his girlfriend mention her ex's names being in a relationship makes you think.

I just focus on myself now more then ever and improve myself. There will be a girl who appreciates me for who I am and when I find it, it will be a great feeling. That's what I, and you guys should tell yourself. There's someone out there, heck she might be a couple blocks down the road.


There are only 2 explanations:

1- Their dicks are awesome :lol:

2- Trashy self-esteem attract trashy?


I mean, those men are beyond the typical of what 'nice guys' call jerks. Not even financially are good.



mouthyb
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08 Jan 2014, 3:31 am

Did you want an honest answer, or is this one of those 'womenz is stupid' type threads?


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The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Jan 2014, 3:40 am

mouthyb wrote:
Did you want an honest answer, or is this one of those 'womenz is stupid' type threads?
'

A honest answer.

But if you want drama and to cry me a river, it's your choice.



yellowtamarin
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08 Jan 2014, 3:50 am

I dunno. I don't get it either. My exes are all good people.



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08 Jan 2014, 3:52 am

Boo: I'mma pretend you didn't use 'drama' to describe someone offering to honestly answer your question, since it's pretty petty (and I don't understand what motivates it, to be honest. It's not like we have a history of poor interactions or anything.) :huh:

The honest answer is that like many autistics, I have trouble negotiating relationships. My social development is irregular--in the right circumstances and under ideal conditions, I do all right. If things are happening in a circumstance which allows for processing time, and in which I can retreat if pushed, I'll be okay most of the time.

However, under the press which NTs live with, I'm so overwhelmed that it's hard for me to discriminate very well. Add to that the tendency of certain kinds of guys to be very pushy and persistent, as well as a tendency to believe people are nice and mean well on my part, and it's easy for me to be in hot water before I'm done processing what the hell happened. On top of that, I genuinely am interested in other people, and I genuinely want to hear what they're saying and understand them, as imperfectly as I am capable of doing so. Add to that the desire to be happy and to make the other person happy, and it's easy for me to end up in a relationship that turns out to be sh***y. It's not a conspiracy of jerks, it's more them taking advantage of a vulnerability which pops up in the profiles of male and female autistics, both low and high functioning.

The solution is not to be pushy, though, since I suspect that might be someone's take away after reading the previous paragraph. The solution is to stand out by not being a pushy a**hole. When I catch on to what's going on, I'm resentful of the other person and break things off. What I want is a respectful relationship, even if it's respectfully f**k buddies (and yes, totally possible.)

So, instead of mourning not being bad boy enough, maybe think about the unique ways you can understand women who are aspies or auties (or even just introspective) because you share so many basic cognitive needs. It seems to me like that would be more healthy than getting angry.

Make of it what you will, of course. And again, I'm currently what the kids these days like to call crunk, so this is not my most tactful. Let me know if I need to apologize or something.


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08 Jan 2014, 6:01 am

They don't start off trashy. Usually they're the model BF at first and then they slowly turn bad, upping their behavior whilst slowly gaslighting their GF to disguise the reality.

Even NT women would misinterpret their behavior. For example a guy who is messaging a girl every five minutes to keep tabs on her. That could be interpreted by the woman as infatuation/attentiveness and not as the signs of controlling behavior it is. Loneliness, desire to feel loved and cared for, are things that blind them to the warning signs. Then it's fear of abandonment and emotional dependency that keep them in place even when they eventually see the reality.



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08 Jan 2014, 6:17 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
I dunno. I don't get it either. My exes are all good people.


Haha, that's why they are your exes! :P



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08 Jan 2014, 6:24 am

blue_bean wrote:
They don't start off trashy. Usually they're the model BF at first and then they slowly turn bad, upping their behavior whilst slowly gaslighting their GF to disguise the reality.

Even NT women would misinterpret their behavior. For example a guy who is messaging a girl every five minutes to keep tabs on her. That could be interpreted by the woman as infatuation/attentiveness and not as the signs of controlling behavior it is. Loneliness, desire to feel loved and cared for, are things that blind them to the warning signs. Then it's fear of abandonment and emotional dependency that keep them in place even when they eventually see the reality.


I message her often, as in I send a couple of messages over a short time, then nothing and then again. Because that is HOW I THINK and I WORK LIKE THAT.

So if she says I should back off. I do. Then I wait, 3 days later she answers me. Then when I write, she is "look how you write to me". urgh. *facepalm*



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08 Jan 2014, 6:25 am

Simply put, they deceive and manipulate the female.

Then they get what they want and go back to being jerks.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Jan 2014, 6:41 am

Stalk wrote:
blue_bean wrote:
They don't start off trashy. Usually they're the model BF at first and then they slowly turn bad, upping their behavior whilst slowly gaslighting their GF to disguise the reality.

Even NT women would misinterpret their behavior. For example a guy who is messaging a girl every five minutes to keep tabs on her. That could be interpreted by the woman as infatuation/attentiveness and not as the signs of controlling behavior it is. Loneliness, desire to feel loved and cared for, are things that blind them to the warning signs. Then it's fear of abandonment and emotional dependency that keep them in place even when they eventually see the reality.


I message her often, as in I send a couple of messages over a short time, then nothing and then again. Because that is HOW I THINK and I WORK LIKE THAT.

So if she says I should back off. I do. Then I wait, 3 days later she answers me. Then when I write, she is "look how you write to me". urgh. *facepalm*



Are you two a couple? If yes then I would stop texting her for good until she initiates.



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08 Jan 2014, 7:08 am

Same reason some men get with manipulative hags who cheat on them, emotionally abuse them then deny them access to their children and wipe out their bank accounts in the divorce.


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08 Jan 2014, 8:08 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
mouthyb wrote:
Did you want an honest answer, or is this one of those 'womenz is stupid' type threads?
'

A honest answer.

But if you want drama and to cry me a river, it's your choice.


That right there is manipulative behaviour of someone who is obviously a jerk. So, shut your face slag. :P



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08 Jan 2014, 8:40 am

1- projection transference and control, and, or co-dependance
2-it is familiar to them
3-it is a coping skill
4-it fills up their supply
The king of female companionship is desire. You can be a dink, and still make them feel wanted. They might be mean to them, but they also at least behave like they want them really bad. women hate ignorance. sometimes the foot is on the other shoe. the women is horrible, and the man does whatever she wants. co-dependance. again. more desire. somehow I may be wrong, but that is the best I can describe it.



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08 Jan 2014, 9:27 am

The women are their hosts and these guys are their parasites. It's balance. There is something wrong with the women. Why won't you see it in that way instead of lamenting about how these bastard guys get these women? These relationships are symbiotic. The taker needs the giver. What does every pathological giver dream of? A f'n bottomless pit of a person. A vacuum. The dream come true - the ultimate pathological taker. Do you see where I'm going with this. It's usually the older woman and the younger guy. Lately, I've been seeing older women with younger aspie, nice guys. These woman just got lucky - a "Perceived" needy boy toy to have sex with. Sometimes, these dames catch a sociopath - it's a flip of a coin fuled by the fear of age and dying and abject lonliness on the woman's part. Look at the other side of this: Whorey tarts have been taking advantage and the bank accounts of older men for ages. Now it's the reverse. They want to be young again and end up broke or worse - homeless or even dead - depending on how much they jeopardize the game or person the sociopath is trying to play next.