why do I get ignored in group discusssions

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jerry00
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08 Jan 2014, 7:19 am

I try to interject my point sometimes 2 or 3 times and people just don't listen to me, why?



Monolithe
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08 Jan 2014, 9:11 am

First thing that comes to mind, like with many people who chose to be so rude to ignore other's; Their shallow and pre-judgmental.
Or maybe you seem uncomfortable and out of place, it's harsh but true that many people don't feel comfortable talking to people who have a low self esteem - who don't know how to act and how to carry themselves.
Some often also ignore people they've had bad experiences with in the past, for example people they from past experience have noticed to act somewhat rude.
If they don't know you that can also be a reason why - some feel uncomfortable talking to people they don't know.

Anyway there's many reason's why people chose to ignore someone, so many factor's has an impact and provokes this kind of behavior; the people around, what type of person the ignore'r is and what he/she has experienced in life, what type of person the person being ignored is and how she/he act's has acted in the present of the ignore'r.. Etc.

But in the end anyway, it's never really OK to ignore anyone, even if you don't like someone, acting like someone else isn't there is just rude, unnecessary, and meaningless behavior - unless there has been a conflict/negative situation between the two involved.


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Fnord
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08 Jan 2014, 9:19 am

Every time we get a new executive, there comes a series of staff meetings wherein us old fogies are usually ignored in favor of the new, bright, young person who exhibits all of the optimism of a person who has never seen combat outside of a Jason Bourne movie, where the young, bright optimist always wins.

Their bright ideas are implemented, and the company experiences a dip in profits.

Then us old fogies will step in, show them how things get done, and school them on what it means to do things right.

Inevitably, more than half of the bright, young people resign and hire on with our competitors ... who seem to be having a downturn in their business ... for some strange reason ... :wink:



timf
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08 Jan 2014, 12:19 pm

If you are ignored (not the worst thing that can happen) it might be because;

1. What you said was already understood and considered redundant.
2. What you said was not understood and people wanted to avoid asking what you meant either out of kindness or because they did not want to appear foolish.
3. Other people might have a process (argument, one upsmanship, etc) of which you are unaware and your contribution was seen as irrelevant.
4. Everyone else is focused on what they said themselves and are waiting for positive feedback on their own comments.
5. You spoke at a volume too low to be heard.



KingofKaboom
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08 Jan 2014, 7:37 pm

People don't listen to a lot of what I say. I don't let it bother me because sometimes I'm the focus of the conversation. They don't keep me out but they're just more interested in what the other person is already saying. I learned to stop letting it bother me.


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Rabbers
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10 Jan 2014, 8:56 am

If you're with a group of very talkative people (or one or 2 who like to dominate the conversation) then I think you have to interject quite forcefully. If you are starting to speak and then realising someone else is and you stop speaking straight away this could be what is happening. I do think your friends are quite rude though. If I was in a group and someone wasn't getting a word in I would make the effort to ask them what they thought.



Marky9
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11 Jan 2014, 3:09 pm

Yeah, that happens to me sometimes. Upon reflection it may due to one or more of these things:

1. The people dominating the conversation know each other well and hence naturally talk easily among themselves. (Whether they might also learn how better to participate in group discussions is another matter, and not really pertinent here.)

2. The stuff I say is somehow 2-3 degrees off from the pace, tone, or topic of conversation. Lively group discussions seem to develop their own rhythm and momentum; things that might derail it can get rolled over.

3. I have simply fallen into a group of people with whom I have little in common.


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jerry00
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11 Jan 2014, 6:42 pm

I don't seem to have much in common with anyone.



KingofKaboom
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11 Jan 2014, 6:47 pm

jerry00 wrote:
I don't seem to have much in common with anyone.
Then you aren't meeting the right people. Post some interests I bet I can tell you some of those are things alot of other people have as well.


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KWifler
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11 Jan 2014, 10:52 pm

:!: probably this!

Monolithe wrote:
First thing that comes to mind, like with many people who chose to be so rude to ignore other's; Their shallow and pre-judgmental.
Or maybe you seem uncomfortable and out of place, it's harsh but true that many people don't feel comfortable talking to people who have a low self esteem - who don't know how to act and how to carry themselves.
Some often also ignore people they've had bad experiences with in the past, for example people they from past experience have noticed to act somewhat rude.
If they don't know you that can also be a reason why - some feel uncomfortable talking to people they don't know.

Anyway there's many reason's why people chose to ignore someone, so many factor's has an impact and provokes this kind of behavior; the people around, what type of person the ignore'r is and what he/she has experienced in life, what type of person the person being ignored is and how she/he act's has acted in the present of the ignore'r.. Etc.

But in the end anyway, it's never really OK to ignore anyone, even if you don't like someone, acting like someone else isn't there is just rude, unnecessary, and meaningless behavior - unless there has been a conflict/negative situation between the two involved.

---


When I was very young, my family would have family conversations with all of us, but I never got a chance to speak. When I tried to speak, one of them would just start talking over me, like I wasn't even there! I let it happen for a while, then I would get so mad, and eventually break up the family time yelling and screaming about how inconsiderate and rude they were. Ah the fun times of being 3-5 years old. To this day I never found out why they always did it. I ended up giving up on them. Now, I just get people alone, and they're my captive conversation buddies.


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andyfzr
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06 Dec 2014, 11:24 am

I can relate to this, I used to always get told it was rude to interrupt someone when they were talking by my parents and its kinda stuck with me. I end up never being able to get into a conversation as people just keep talking louder and just talking over me when I speak. Its so frustrating but I just can't get the hang of knowing when to jump in to a conversation.


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07 Dec 2014, 4:49 pm

It comes down to the way you project yourself in front of others and has nothing to do with the content of your contribution. If you watch debates or listen to politicians, you will find yourself instantly drawn to some people and not to others. Some people just have an aura. Captains of school teams, teachers, lawyers, CEO's of companies all have this aura.
In your case you need to accept that you don't project yourself well. If you did other people would take notice. Take heart. I don't either.



Here
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07 Dec 2014, 7:14 pm

Seventy-percent of how we communicate (and how other people interpret us) is through non-verbal communication.

Link on 'non-verbal communications' may be of interest: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonverbal_communication



mpe
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08 Dec 2014, 4:26 pm

Here wrote:
Seventy-percent of how we communicate (and how other people interpret us) is through non-verbal communication.

Link on 'non-verbal communications' may be of interest: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonverbal_communication


That 70% would be an average across all communications. There'd be some where it would be a lower proportion of the dialogue and some where it would be a higher proportion. Some, I suspect, where an entire dialogue is non verbal.



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08 Dec 2014, 5:37 pm

Yeah, I have this problem as well. Not all the time, but often enough.

timf wrote:
If you are ignored (not the worst thing that can happen) it might be because;

1. What you said was already understood and considered redundant.
2. What you said was not understood and people wanted to avoid asking what you meant either out of kindness or because they did not want to appear foolish.
3. Other people might have a process (argument, one upsmanship, etc) of which you are unaware and your contribution was seen as irrelevant.
4. Everyone else is focused on what they said themselves and are waiting for positive feedback on their own comments.
5. You spoke at a volume too low to be heard.


I think this is a very good, well-thought out list of reasons! It may well be one or more of those things. I think sometimes it really is as simple as #5: they physically didn't hear what I said. That is, they may have heard that I made some sounds, but didn't make out the words and couldn't be bothered clarifying.


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DayTrader
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08 Dec 2014, 9:43 pm

Is this at work? If so, talk to your manager. Say that you'd like to work on participating more and what does he or she suggest. Suggestions might include changes you can make or it might bring to light bullying by others which then can be addressed.