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Dating progress update 2

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warsend
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09 Jan 2014, 5:19 pm

Geekonychus wrote:
Brianruns10 wrote:
I intend to show all my cards, and pull out all the stops. Give her a great time, and show her that I'm a good person, who will treat her with respect, who knows how to plan a wonderful evening, who is charming and confident and outgoing and successful and fun to be around.

Clearly you're taking everyone's "no pressure on the first date" advice to heart......... :roll:

Why not just ask her to marry you while you're at it? If she's as desperate as you come across, she'll probably say yes. :wink:


Didn't you agree with Boo it didn't matter if he pulled out all the stops? Just curious what your stance is.

To Brian: This might be why you aren't getting second dates. Just chill and relax. The right girl will come. Honestly, act like this girl isn't the one. Act like she is gonna reject you on the first date. This way if she says yes to a second date you will be shocked.

The key is too not worry about if she's interested, the key is to focus on HAVING A GOOD TIME!



warsend
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09 Jan 2014, 5:37 pm

leafplant wrote:
Brianruns10 wrote:
leafplant wrote:
Brianruns10 wrote:
I intend to show all my cards, and pull out all the stops. Give her a great time, and show her that I'm a good person, who will treat her with respect, who knows how to plan a wonderful evening, who is charming and confident and outgoing and successful and fun to be around.


^^ that would be why you don't get past 2nd date. Being that eager is just plain creepy. Get to know the person. Slowly. Show that you have personal standards and that you are not going to settle for the first skirt that doesn't say no, otherwise everyone will think you are not good enough for them.


But I just fear that getting to know someone slowly isn't practical for me. Because they all seem to figure out from one date that I'm not for them. I never get a chance to get to know them slowly. So I feel like I need to make a good impression on that first date, to really WOW them.

Now I'm taking to heart everyone's advice, that I'm trying to be myself, and relax more, but I want to set up a nice situation..eating out some place nice, going to do a fun activity that has a bit of class, to communicate that I'm worth getting to know better. Does that make sense?


It makes sense in theory. In practice (and please don't be upset by me asking this honey) are you really worth getting to know better? Why does it not come across at the first date? If you are only worth getting to know better because you are willing to spend money on the person, than that's not enough unless you are filthy rich and can really afford to spend serious money. Otherwise, you had better have a personality worth bothering with and also be willing to be interested in that other person for themselves, not because of how wonderful it would be for them to be your girlfriend.

IDK, some part of me thinks you may be a bit too autistic for this dating lark. Has any family tried to set you up with someone? I think you'd do better being set up by someone who knows you.

Anyway, I hope this thing with this girl goes well for you.


I have the same feeling as LeafPlant as far as you might not be ready for it. Read what I quoted in bold and read that to yourself over and over again....you realize how bad that sounds to a reader, and would sound if that girl read that on here?

Brian, most of what I'm saying is based off this: http://www.scribd.com/doc/33421576/How-To-Be-A-3-Man (the article is free, so I'm not stealing it).

I go on a 1-10 scale of interest. I'd say the girl is probably at a 5-6, interested enough to give you a chance. After awhile she starts getting physical, I'd say she's at an 8, THEN you can go all out. Use the first date to feel each other out (you know what I mean). Have some respect for yourself and don't feel she's the one because she agreed to go out with you.

You will have better success because of this. Treat it like you are going to see a friend in the comfortable level. If you WOW them on the first date, they give you a second date, they will expect you to have WOW dates everytime...not the way to go.



Geekonychus
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10 Jan 2014, 1:43 pm

warsend wrote:
Didn't you agree with Boo it didn't matter if he pulled out all the stops? Just curious what your stance is.

My stance is that he shouldn't have to try so hard to impress someone. If he does, they aren't a good fit.



Eureka13
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10 Jan 2014, 4:50 pm

Brian, I also put a lot of weight on a first date.....but for an entirely different reason. For me, it is simply about checking compatibility. It absolutely doesn't matter what the first date consists of. I have had first dates that consisted of sitting on a bench downtown for an hour. I have had first dates that were a cup of coffee. I've had first dates that were dinner. I've had first dates that were a trip to the beach. Let me repeat: IT ABSOLUTELY DOESN'T MATTER what activity you plan.

Guess which one of the above first dates resulted in a long-term, serious relationship? Sitting on a bench downtown for an hour.

In other words, YOU may have already decided that this girl is THE ONE. I can guarantee that SHE has not yet made that decision. The only thing she will be looking for on the first date is to find out how the two of you INTERACT together. If she likes the interaction, there will be a second date.

I'm not saying the symphony + dinner is a bad idea. I'm just saying that the ONLY way you need to impress her is with who you are, not with what you can do for her. That is a horrible basis for a relationship.

Be yourself. Also remember there is another person involved in this date (her) who has her own set of hopes and wishes for how this may turn out. You might temporarily distract her from her own hopes and wishes if you "wow" her with a splendiferous date, but unless you can come up with "the perfect date" indefinitely (each time topping the last "perfect date"), SHE will ultimately decide whether or not she likes you for you. That is why we all recommend doing something casual, so that the focus is on LEARNING about each other, not IMPRESSING each other.



Geekonychus
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13 Jan 2014, 9:37 am

Eureka13 wrote:
Brian, I also put a lot of weight on a first date.....but for an entirely different reason. For me, it is simply about checking compatibility. It absolutely doesn't matter what the first date consists of. I have had first dates that consisted of sitting on a bench downtown for an hour. I have had first dates that were a cup of coffee. I've had first dates that were dinner. I've had first dates that were a trip to the beach. Let me repeat: IT ABSOLUTELY DOESN'T MATTER what activity you plan.

Guess which one of the above first dates resulted in a long-term, serious relationship? Sitting on a bench downtown for an hour.

In other words, YOU may have already decided that this girl is THE ONE. I can guarantee that SHE has not yet made that decision. The only thing she will be looking for on the first date is to find out how the two of you INTERACT together. If she likes the interaction, there will be a second date.

I'm not saying the symphony + dinner is a bad idea. I'm just saying that the ONLY way you need to impress her is with who you are, not with what you can do for her. That is a horrible basis for a relationship.

Be yourself. Also remember there is another person involved in this date (her) who has her own set of hopes and wishes for how this may turn out. You might temporarily distract her from her own hopes and wishes if you "wow" her with a splendiferous date, but unless you can come up with "the perfect date" indefinitely (each time topping the last "perfect date"), SHE will ultimately decide whether or not she likes you for you. That is why we all recommend doing something casual, so that the focus is on LEARNING about each other, not IMPRESSING each other.

Brian, listen to this. It's spot on.^^^



Brianruns10
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13 Jan 2014, 12:34 pm

Got an update, and started a new thread:

Dating Progress Update 3



Brianruns10
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13 Jan 2014, 12:43 pm

Eureka13 wrote:
Brian, I also put a lot of weight on a first date.....but for an entirely different reason. For me, it is simply about checking compatibility. It absolutely doesn't matter what the first date consists of. I have had first dates that consisted of sitting on a bench downtown for an hour. I have had first dates that were a cup of coffee. I've had first dates that were dinner. I've had first dates that were a trip to the beach. Let me repeat: IT ABSOLUTELY DOESN'T MATTER what activity you plan.

Guess which one of the above first dates resulted in a long-term, serious relationship? Sitting on a bench downtown for an hour.

In other words, YOU may have already decided that this girl is THE ONE. I can guarantee that SHE has not yet made that decision. The only thing she will be looking for on the first date is to find out how the two of you INTERACT together. If she likes the interaction, there will be a second date.

I'm not saying the symphony + dinner is a bad idea. I'm just saying that the ONLY way you need to impress her is with who you are, not with what you can do for her. That is a horrible basis for a relationship.

Be yourself. Also remember there is another person involved in this date (her) who has her own set of hopes and wishes for how this may turn out. You might temporarily distract her from her own hopes and wishes if you "wow" her with a splendiferous date, but unless you can come up with "the perfect date" indefinitely (each time topping the last "perfect date"), SHE will ultimately decide whether or not she likes you for you. That is why we all recommend doing something casual, so that the focus is on LEARNING about each other, not IMPRESSING each other.


My link goes to a more detailed explanation, but my date wound up being dinner and a concert she suggested, since the symphony was booked. The concert was great, and I think the date went well and she enjoyed herself. I tried really hard to be relaxed and just myself....not saying too much about myself, and asking her a lot of questions, which I think she appreciated.