need info on parents with autism, not children.

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There is tons of information for "normal" parents of children on the spectrum, but the older a child gets, and thus is no longer a child, the less information there is. Autism doesn't disappear after 20 and higher functioning people like myself would like to have kids, but I can't find any information. I found a few unofficial opinion articles from bias people who assumed all people on the spectrum are on the lower levels but none about actual facts. can anyone lead me to information on this topic from a helpful point of view instead of a strictly anti opinion that doesn't take into account that all people are individuals?

If you search on this site for "raised by Aspergers parent", there are postings.
Tony Attwood's book "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" has a few pages regarding "having a parent with Asperger's syndrome" (pages 311 to 315).
The author Liane Holliday Willey has children and she talks about parenting and many other things in "Pretending to be Normal". Page 93 - 106 has the chapter "Rocking My Babies".

gothiccandle, there are plenty of Autistic adult members right here on WP who have raised (or are currently raising) children. I have a (neurotypical) biological daughter who went to prep school and is now studying medicine in college. I also raised two stepsons who are both Navy vets now.

There's no reason in the world why someone with AS or HFA shouldn't have kids. I personally believe there's a genetic component to the disorder, and I suspect my Grandmother on my Dad's side had it, too. I have a female cousin diagnosed AS and a niece diagnosed PDD-NOS, but both have multiple siblings with no issues at all - my younger sister has a touch of Dyslexia, but is otherwise neurotypical as the day is long. So it seems to run along family bloodlines, but not with any predictability.

As much as we may like to refer to NTs as though they were all perfect, genetically superior specimens of humanity, everybody has flaws. Just because a person's brain does not fall on the autism spectrum doesn't automatically make them ideal parenting material, anymore than an Aspergian brain dooms one to parental failure.

Our autistic tendencies may present specific challenges in parenting, but none that can't be adequately met. Just keep in mind that there are no perfect parents - you will make mistakes. All that matters is that you love your kids and that they know that you love them.

I agree and am glad to hear of those successes, but it's difficult to explain that to those NT people who believe I and others are subpar, though they try to hide or defer their true opinion. Not to mention my own mom who believes that to bring children into this world given the current genetic theory is basically damning the child, Its frustrating. So I'm trying to find information.

Tell her that her argument is equivalent to saying that she wishes you had not been born. She either needs to explain why she wishes you did not exist, or retract the argument.

Everyone is different. If you spend a lot of time with your child right from the beginning (to bond) and have very open lines of communication, respect them and they respect you, i believe that is a good path. I just have traits of Asperger's so I don't know if my experience represents anything relevant to Autism. People did tell me I was cold and would be a cold mother. My daughter was always my top priority. I never stopped trying my best and reading and talking to people. I encouraged her to tell me what she really felt and tried to be sturdy in hearing the criticisms. I approached parenting her as "we are a team to make sure you have a good, fulfilling life".

This is exactly what I was thinking. I was also thinking that you might want to point out to your mom that if the genetic theory is true, then your autism had to come from somewhere...perhaps even her gene pool! Sheesh! Though in fairness to your mom, it wasn't until after my daughter was diagnosed that I realized my gene pool is filled with BAP people.

I have met plenty of "good" parents with AS. If you are otherwise suited to be a parent, I say you should never mind what anyone else says. There are plenty of NT people who are not suited to parenting and who go ahead and do it anyway. I am not saying that it is right that they do this, but just that it isn't about NT/AS. It's about suited to parenting/not suited to parenting.

If someone you care about believes you are subpar as a person, that is sad. But you need to decide what you want and consider your abilities and if you want to have children and are willing to do the work and learn and change as you go, then that's what you try to do. There are many people with ASD who are parents, and have children they care for beautifully. It's individual, as is everything.

If your partner has ASD also, the likelihood of children being affected is higher, but I don't know the statistics.

There is defiantly evidence in my family of a genetic link, but since I'm the only one diagnosed I wont win any arguments since their life has never been disrupted enough to require a diagnosis(or in the case of my dad, a brain tumor was blamed for any oddity), I was diagnosed with asperger's when i was 18. my whole life i was misdiagnosed with a variety of incorrect labels, as many are. Basically from birth everyone knew something was wrong with me, but no one knew just what. I'm 26 now, but the toddlers in my family get more respect than me. If it was legal my mom would have had me sterilized I'm sure. Years ago, before i had a boyfriend(and thus the easy ability to have my own kids) I said I'd someday adopt, and my mom was happy with that answer, however always told me it is unlikely anyone would allow me to adopt. so la la la happy far off impossibility, no threat, alls well. Now though I've been with my boyfriend a good enough amount of time that its only natural to think of kids/marriage. Mom's been in a bit of a semi-quiet panic for a while now, and the recent news that I'm currently off hormonal birth control made mom white as a ghost and, though less argumentative than i expected(mostly because the last few years have made it plain that her opinion has very little power over my life.) She made it known she thinks this is a bad idea. Extreme stubbornness is a family trait, I've just had to learn to research, learn, and decide for myself, as everyone does, it just took me a little longer than some people. It's difficult to gain control over one's life while being nagged at so much. I told my boyfriend that just as our grandchildren are graduating college, that's when my family will admit I'm capable, but maybe not then either. He is not diagnosed, though if his parents had bothered I'm sure he could be/could have been. He was labeled as simply shy with no professional interventions.
(sorry that was a bit long, i suppose i was venting a tad bit)

I say this as a parent of a young child, knowing I will run into this, myself, and also as a child of people with excessively strong opinions and buttinsky in-laws, to boot..

Live your life for you. You (and obviously your other partner in possible procreation) need to be comfortable with your decisions. As an adult person, if you are independent and not dependent on your parents financially, it is not their business. It is a decision for you to make, not your mom, if you want kids.

You are obviously an intelligent person, and you know the things you have to weigh in your mind to make this decision.

I am not saying I am not in pain many times when I think my son is treated unfairly by people (including relatives who believe he is defective and are not shy about making that known--and that is without us telling his diagnosis, mind you) It is something useful to know getting into things. We didn't know in advance we had more liklihood, b/c my husband and I did not have official diagnosis and only knew we were "odd," you know?

I entered "yes" in the poll, but I think it depends on what you want. Not all NTs want kids, but some have them because they feel pushed into it. You should not feel pushed either way. You do have to go in knowing there is extra work, extra expense, etc. if you have an AU kid, and probably extra sadness here and there. There is also joy when they do things their own special unique way.

I think one of the most important skills in life is telling people that you are smart enough to make your own decisions and refusing to let them think they can boss you around. Getting input from others is fine when you want it, but it is presumptuous/rude when people assume they know best and refuse to let go when you tell them you are capable of making decisions on your own.

Goticcandle, the first thing I want you to do is to strike the phrase "there is something wrong with me" out of your general vocabulary and reserve it only for those times that you are ill. There is nothing wrong with you, though I understand that is not your family's view. You are different. There is nothing wrong with being different. I feel heartbroken every time I come across a person who's mom did not have the compassion, common sense, and decency to teach them that since they were a toddler. There is nothing wrong with you. You are fine the way you are, just different.

The struggle to move to the place where what your family thinks takes a secondary seat in your life is a hard one. I have a sister who has struggled with this as I have, and neither of us were successfully able to do it until our 30's. I love my family a great deal, and for the most part they are supportive. But they can also be judgmental and have very strong beliefs about what is right and wrong and how things should be done. I still take their thoughts on things into consideration, because they are good people, but I do what I want to do, not what they want me to do, and I am no longer weighted down by their disapproval should I receive it. I am free. My sister is just learning to break free.

I share this because I want you to know that at your age, I couldn't do it yet. Not fully. I made my own decisions and then felt like crap when I got disapproval. But you will get past this with time and practice.

If you are going to marry your current boyfriend, then one piece of advice that I can give you is that once you are married (and even now, if you are serious to that point), HE becomes your immediate family. Your parents and siblings fade to second place. It is up to the two of you to make decisions and forge forward for your immediate family. When two people can truly understand and commit to this, it is golden. Because then the in-law nonsense that so many people have to face, becomes simply that...nonsense. It is when in-laws are allowed the power of decision making authority as if they were part of the immediate family that things get bad. At least in my experience and the experience of those close to me. This is your decision to make with your partner. It is wise to take the feedback of others into consideration, but they cannot make your choices for you. They should not drive them. It needs to be a joint decision between you and your partner, whether it is about childbearing, childrearing, where to live, or any other major decision.

Best of luck to you.

Now, this post is long. Yours was pleasantly short!

That is beautiful.

People do have a restricted definition of "normal" and my family would agree they are not normal, however they are more normal than others lol. I may be "different" but im more different than my family would prefer, however when you put into lists my so called autistic traits are often family traits that simply over lap. My family has never said there is something wrong with me, but it's their overall attitude, which they would never admit to. Such as the annoying habit my mom has of announcing that i have autism to acquaintances or strangers. It's actually cost me a job before. I tend to only tell people if its necessary or they've gotten to know me because its too often i get treated like a 4 year old, but my mom puts it right up front like a big sign. She thinks its helpful but its not. I talk too much, often too loud, and im incredibly knowledgeable in the things im interested in, most people who first meet me think im excited, smart, and perhaps a bit eccentric. Then mom comes in and while she means well it sounds like "oh she is smart, but she has autism so she has tons of issues you don't want to deal with" even though she doesn't phrase it that way. Horribly, as you all know im sure, people are very uniformed about autism and asperger's so as soon as the word is mention people get this look on their face like "oh poor dear" or sometimes fear. I was once warned by a boss that i better not curse out the customers(she thought autism was the same as Tourettes. Even if she was right, that symptom is actually rare with tourettes syndrome) I guess this thread has diverted from the title. This conversation is refreshing.