Mozart & The Whale... and Me

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Hi everyone

I am new here. I am not diagnosed with AS, but I accidentally came across information about it and I related to it so much I kept reading. Weeks have passed and I have been completely immersed in reading AS information.

A few days ago I rented the movie Mozart & The Whale to see if I would identify with the movies AS characters but instead I felt more confused than ever. If you've seen the movie, do you feel that it was a pretty good representation of all people with AS? There were two main characters, a guy who has a more severe AS and a girl that supposedly has a mild case. I did relate to the girl, but I feel like I would be considered a mild version of her mild version. Is it possible to have a mild version of her mild version? I'm probably as eccentric as her, but I don't excel in anything like she did with music and art. I don't have melt downs in public. I've had to run out of a store but have never fallen to the ground and covered my ears. My husband and I ate in a restaurant recently and everyone was so loud that I had to press my fingers against my ear pads to block the sounds out. I was freaking but remained calm. The wait staff saw me and walked up to my husband and asked if we wanted to be seated somewhere else. I thought it was odd that they asked him and not me since I was the one that was being bothered by it.

Another thing that is baffling me is it seems that people with Asperger's are totally immersed in a particular subject or two. But my interests change all the time. Plus I'm severely ADHD so it's hard to keep my focus and attention on things for a long time. When I decided a couple of years before it was time for my husband and I to buy a house, I decided to study the housing market. I spent many hours every day for a couple of years looking up the homes in my area over the internet. I looked at demographics, realtors, square footage, price per sq ft to buy a home already built vs a home to build on your lot, etc.

I sell stuff on ebay a few times a year and I get totally immersed in that. I can tell you the in's and out's of everything to do with ebay, lol. Even when I'm not selling I'm looking at stuff. I might see a certain antique vase and then go google it and read all about that vase on various websites. I go to thrift stores and buy stuff I don't need. Our garage is filled almost to the ceiling with boxes of my stuff. I'm a horrible housekeeper and save everything so the house is crowded with "stuff"... we have an isle to walk through in our bedroom. There's no trash on the floor... it's mostly clothes and papers and boxes, etc.

Another thing I do is I study anything medical on the internet and in books. A bad habit of mine is I diagnose people. I know I'm not a dr and without proper schooling I'll never be one, but for some reason medical conditions/diseases/the human body/science really interest me.

I read that people with AS don't like to (or can't) multi-task. I cannot do that offline, but online I can. I have a gazillion tabs open (I use Firefox) and I am constantly going from one thing to the next. Sometimes I'll read for hours about a certain subject, and sometimes just a few minutes. Always switching back and forth between tabs.

So I do have unusual and intense interests but not like what I read about AS. I suck at Math, in fact I have a learning disability in math. I do not consider myself an expert in anything. I don't have an interest in small parts of things. I have been diagnosed professionally with Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, OCD, PTSD, all kinds of Anxiety and Agoraphobia. I am very inept at social skills but I can often pull off normalcy for a little while until "the mask" starts coming off and I get VERY tired. Then I start melting.

I have great difficulty looking someone in the eyes, especially someone who isn't my family. I try to play off the "I'm normal" mode and look them in the eyes as much as I can while they speak but I don't hear a lot of what they say because it is like their words are bouncing off my face and my body.

If someone shouts at me I feel like I am being attacked physically. I have an ex husband that used to scream at me almost daily and I always felt like he was punching me with his words. I am super sensitive to any kind of sounds really. And smells... I'm always smelling things nobody else does. Or smells will bother me that bother no one else. Same thing with taste. ugh.

I have some tactile issues. I cannot stand lotion or soap. Just typing that makes my heart race. (Of course I do use soap... I just have to be quick wash it off very well as fast as I can and I only use greaseless lotion when I *have* to... when my excema is bothering me... and I have to rub it in with the backs of my hands, not my fingertips.) I have a problem with certain fabrics... the feel of them and the sound of them moving or being touched. I have a problem with my fingernails feeling a certain way sometimes. I have a problem with turtlenecks and anything else that is too tight on me. I don't usually wear jewelry, as it bothers me. With backrubs I prefer to be rubbed hard than to be rubbed softly. (Even in spite of the fact that I have a lot of pain with having Fibromyalgia) Overhead fans hurt my skin. In temperature controlled rooms, I cannot sleep well with just a sheet and blanket. I have to have many layers, partly because of the warmth and partly because of the firm pressure on my muscles.

I don't have any friends in offline life. Well, I do have one friend 1,000 miles away that I only see once every few years and we rarely communicate online. I have a lot of friends online. I find it much easier to talk on here than in offline life. All my life I've heard that I'm "Weird", "Unique", "Special", "Unusual", "Strange", "Eccentric", and "Odd". My kindergarten teacher said in my school psychological profile thingee "She cried most of the fall semester." My second grade teacher said "Odd combination of little girl and little old lady." I wish I knew what that meant.... could be anything. I struggled with school big time. I was constantly sick and missed a lot of school. I'd even try to fake being sick sometimes so I could stay home. I made a lot of D's and F's but was passed onto the next grade. My 5th grade teacher wanted to hold me back but my mom wouldn't let her do it.

I couldn't hang on to any friends and when I did make a friend my mom would say "Why do you always make friends with strange kids?" and she'd discourage the friendship. I guess she couldn't see my problems but saw theirs. I remember wandering around the playground in elementary school just wishing someone wanted to play with me. I never could understand what I was doing wrong and I still don't!

Actually, I do know one thing. One of the things that bothers people about me is the way I stare off into space and go into my own little world. I've done that for as long as I can remember. Sometimes not even *I* want to do it but find it hard to break away from it. People try to get my attention and I just keep staring off.... it drives my kids crazy.

I've always taken things literally and have always been the last to get a joke. Although, I'm 47 and I'd say the older I get the easier it is for me to get jokes. Still not easy, but easier.

When I'm upset I rock. I've done that my whole life. Actually I do it when I'm not upset, too. I guess this is an OCD thing but I will often take an ink pen or a pencil and VERY lightly run the writing tip of it up and down the inside of my arms. It looks weird but it's very soothing and calming. I've seen people do it with their fingertips... which I do, too.... I just happen to prefer pens and pencils. Back when I used to smoke cigarettes, I'd do it with an unlit cigarette. I'd sit there and stroke my arms for awhile, usually just my left arm (I'm right handed), and then I'd light the cigarette and smoke it LOL

That is all I can think of to tell you for now. So what do you think? Do you think I might have AS or do you think I "just" have some oddities?

Thank you!

First off, there's no way you should base your impression of Aspergers off of that movie. If you identify more with the girl and not the guy, it's because the guy acted more like he had some weird kind of ADD than AS. His portrayal was much more high energy than how people with AS seem to act. And there's no way the chick would be considered high functioning Aspergers - mid functioning at best. Just goes to show you why that movie might have done more harm than good.

As for the rest of your post, you could be some long lost sibling of mine if it weren't for the age difference. My interests test to vascillate regularly, and I've been known to do online "multitasking" the way you described in order to keep me interested in what I'm doing (if I read one thing for too long I tend to have a short attention span). Since I was a kid I've always stared off into space or "daydreamed" as my teachers used to say, and I have to make an active effort to process what people are saying to me usually, especially in class. I go through friends like most people go through underwear, and they're always of the strange or underachieving variety, which my dad used to nudge me about back in the day. I also had been diagnosed as OCD and Bipolar earlier in my life.

So what I would recommend is to read around here and see if what we talk about sounds like what you think about - that's how I ultimately accepted my AS diagnosis. But based off what you've said I'd say there's a pretty strong possibility.

I've not seen this film yet, but it has to be said that no two aspies are the same, there is no cookie cutter for AS; the autistic spectrum is huge. I suspect that this film does not give a realistic portrayal of Asperger's. It sounds like you could have AS but I'm not qualified to make a judgement! You could have a chat with your physician about seeing someone who specialises in diagnosing ASD's.

Thank you for your replies. I appreciate the input. Maldoror, I found this message board about 2 weeks ago or so and I felt like I had come home. I was so excited! I felt like you all were a bunch of me's. LOL

But then, like I said, I watched that movie and felt so let down. I was just so sure that I finally knew what has been wrong with me my whole life and then I saw the movie and thought there is no way I have AS if those characters show a true protrayal.

I'm going to keep reading! You guys are awesome!

I copied these tests when I took them and saved them to Notepad on my computer.

From the website: http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

I took this quiz on Jan 31st 2007:

Version 9
Thank you for filling out this questionnaire.

Your Aspie score: 172 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 37 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie


You have been selected as a candidate for the stim-quiz
The intention of the stim-quiz is to compile a list of stims for professionals working with nonverbal autistics.

-------------------------------------

Another test I took that determines if you have autistic or asperger traits:

I took this one on Feb 10th 2007:

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html

Agree: 2,4,5,6,7,12,13,16,22,23,26,33,35,39,42,43,45,46: 1 point
Disagree: 1,3,8,10,11,14,15,17,24,25,28,29,30,32,36,37,38,40,44,47,50: 1 point
Score: 39

ChatBrat,

Minus the academic difficulties (I was generally an A and B student), your story sounds a lot like mine. I was considered "odd" growing up. I was a good student, but very poor in the social areas of life, and I was not much of an athlete. In some ways, I was considerably older than my chronological age (12th grade reading scores in sixth grade) and in others, considerably younger. My Asperger score put me at 99, nearly in the middle, which I believe fits. I have a couple of the outstanding signs of AS, including unusual interests and social naivete.

Looking forward to hearing more from you.

9catmom, thank you for the warm welcome!

I am hoping to get even more replies about the movie... I know that AS is a spectrum disorder, therefore varying degrees of severity. I'm wondering what everyone thinks of its actual representation. I hope my original post didn't offend anyone. I have trouble expressing myself.

I REALLY loved the movie Mozart and the Whale! I have watched it repeatedly several times already.

I also relate a lot to the character of Donald Morton. I see a lot of myself in that character. One thing that really was uncanny was the scene where he recalls the children in the playground asking him the mathematics trivia question. I had those types of questions as well except that instead of mathematics (which I am horrid at doing) mine was politics. People would ask me trivia about various presidents and who were the senators or governors of various states.

Hi David!

I also LOVED the movie. I forgot to say that in my original post. I bought the movie and will be watching it a million times I'm sure. You remind me of my husband, as he is into politics, too. In fact, you're gonna think I'm crazy but I think that he has Asperger's, too! He has four first cousins diagnosed with Autism and I would bet that another cousin of his has Asperger's. My husband and I met in a chatroom on the internet and were instantly drawn to each other... both of us diagnosed with bipolar disorder the year we met online. Now that I've been reading about Asperger's, I see it in him big time. I think his AS is worse than mine. He has a genius IQ, is more socially inept than I am, has trouble looking people in the eye, has trouble with volume control (especially when he gets excited talking about politics, lol), and his two main interests are politics and computers. He has more symptoms than that of course, but that is just to give you an idea what is going on with him. Isn't that funny??? I told him "Honey, I'm not so sure we're bipolar... I think we might both either high functioning autistic or have Asperger's (basically the same thing from what I've read...). Normally he puffs out an exaggerated exhale at me when I suggest such things to him. But I've been reading him information I come across about Asperger's and sending him URL's to go read for himself and he and I have been taking online tests and ya know what? He's thinking maybe I'm right on this one. And this says A LOT coming from this man!! ! But he tells me "Why bother getting tested for it? If you have it, you can't do anything about it anyway."

So what kind of a response do I give him for that? All I could think to tell him was how I finally feel understood now. That I have found people like me on this message board and maybe someday I'd go for a professional opinion... I doubt he'd ever mention it to his pdoc about himself though...

That movie just made me feel bad that I don't have any sevant characteristics.

I bet you're a really awesome person though!

Why don't you ask the Whale. He's a member of this board, a very nice guy, and he answers pm's.
btdt

I'm sorry, I'm not following. What do you mean?

I honestly don't know enough about you to know weather your AS or not, but the things you were comparing yourself to in the movie were largely media-enduced stereotypes. I have many many interests, I can also multi-task (depending on what the tasks are and if theyr in my capabilities, but I think even NTs go that route with multi-tasking).
The best thing you can do, mam, is go to your local autism group, meet some aspies, and see how well you relate. Dominant characteristics of AS are low social skills, high verbal and intellectual skills, and often obessive interests, but rarely does a person ONLY have one interest.... I'm a huge pro wrestling fan, but I also like animals, mota (for those who know what I'm talking about ), philosophy, reading, art, music, many other things.

Hi Snake,

I did check online a couple of weeks ago and can't find a local group but I don't think I can bring myself to go to a meeting anyway. If I already had a diagnosis....... maybe.......... maybe........ I dunno. *throws hands in air* LOL

I'm skeered!