How to avoid bitterness

Post Reply New Topic

So it seems then that the quality friendship comes with the price of first being accepted by the group. Kind of lame in my view of life.

I mean, if you can't be your authentic self, then people are liking you for your....compliance to mass thought? Ugh.

Can't say I get it, but that seems to explain many things in society.

I feel more worried and scared than bitter about the fact that I'm friendless and I have a mediocre job. When I'm feeling down, there's no one who cares and when I'm having a more practical problem, there's no one to help me with it. I'm totally alone. And that makes me worried and scared about my future. Will I be able to survive if anything happens? I'll have to deal with whatever comes by myself. What if something that I cannot deal with by myself happens? Will I simply die?

I have learned that having good intentions towards others and studying/working hard won't guarantee friends and financial security. I feel it's impossible to have friends. I don't have in my brain that "program" that's supposed to come built-in when you were born. If I tried hard, I'd only make a fool of myself. So, I have given that up and I have accepted that (that I am and will be friendless). However, I still think it's possible for me (or anyone) to succeed in having a reasonably good job/career and have a happy life. A happy life that I should seek is not the same as what the majority (non-autistic people) seek. If you keep seeking what you cannot get, you will be miserable.

I do feel bitter about how horribly some people have treated me. My bitterness is toward some individuals (and towards certain social injustices but that's a different story). I don't blame myself for feeling bitter. I even think that given the chance I'll get back at them. However, I usually try to turn my bitterness into my energy for achieving a happier life. The important thing, I think, is to just accept how you feel.

qawer, I thank you for always giving us your insightful opinions. Your words often make me see things from a different positive perspective.

It is easy to get bitter. I spend a lot of time outside in nature, as often and as much as I can. This really helps ground me and settle my spirit. I love to do things like kayaking and disc golf and skiing and rail trail biking which connect me to the earth. This also gives me an opportunity to see beautiful and wondrous scenery. When I do that I become calmer and then I start to really enjoy what I am doing and I become grateful. Gratitude, at least for me seems to be the enemy of bitterness. It is a great way to fight it. I also take great joy and stock in any tiny victory not matter how small it is. I used to tell my students to do that when I was teaching. I don't care if it's something as small as you managed to get out of bed today. That is a victory and you can get excited about it. When you start to get grateful and excited about the small, seemingly meaningless things in life, your heart and perspectives change and there is less and less room for the bitterness to linger. That really helps me. Acknowledging is the first step, replacing it with gratitude and joy over the tiny everyday things is the second. When you are grateful and joyful for what you have, even if it is just a few little things, rather than focused on what you don't have or on how life can suck, you sill find that your bitterness will start to melt away.

For example, sometimes I feel like the entire world is beating me up. Then I go ride my bike on the rail trail and I see cows in the fields and pretty flowers and the river and I get so happy. I think "Wow, everyone else is so stuck in their stupid whatever, but I have this. This is mine." Then I get super grateful and all of a sudden I don't feel those bad feelings.

If you truly want to not be bitter, try focusing on what you can do rather than what you can't. Simple as that, it really is.