Bizarre eye contact and speech patterns- Feeling depressed

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I have Asperger's Syndrome. I'm in my early 20s now, and am horrible at making proper eye contact and gestures. My speech is really weird compared to others, and apparently I make pauses when speaking at odd parts in the conversation. I've practiced talking to a webcam and try to imitate different people for hours, and nothing helps. I look like an insane person and my eye contact is all wrong. The way my eyes move looks so robotic and I hate it, but it's the only way I can move them.

It hurts when people say things like "What is wrong with her?" and make half compliment half insults like "You were hot until I actually started talking to you. You're...different". There are also times where no one says anything, and they just look away and bust out laughing right in front of me. I can tell I make people uncomfortable.

I just feel incredibly down right now. I feel like every effort I make is in vain to be normal (or at least pass as neurotypical). I'll never be accepted, I'm just so weird. I look normal, but I act so strange that no one wants to be around me.

I say stop focussing on trying to change yourself and concentrate on meeting more people until you find some with manners. Real friends won't care how 'robotic' your eyes are or where you pause when you speak much less comment on it or give back handed compliments. I'm actually astounded at the abuse some people have described getting on here for doing things that cause no harm to anyone. Rest assured there are plenty of nice people out there as well. Don't waste your time trying to impress the nasty ones.

People your own age are the worst.
Having friends who are very much older or very much younger is easier.

It might be too early to say for sure that nothing works. In fact I would think there are things they may work in the long run to improve your eye motion and speech patterns. Though you may have to be patient and settle for a slow improvement pattern.

Have you ever been to see a speech therapist? I am not sure about the eye motion, but imagine that would also fall under some area of therapy. One might even devise your own exercises, but it would be likely much quicker to work with someone experienced in the area.

I have heard of both these things in people before and not always together. One person with the irregular eye movement was actually a singer. But I would not by any means give up hope, as these are mechanical problems and they may be easier to deal with then mental processes.

Also do not rule out some simple compensation techniques that may reduce the stress in day to day interactions. Things like wearing sunglasses when in public, etc.

Don't worry you're not alone. I have eye contact issues and odd speech patterns too and I'm almost 20. Whenever I talk to people, I look at them for a little, look down and then look around all over the room. I guess my eye contact is like this due to sensory issues and shyness depending on who I'm with. As for speech patterns, they change with my surrounding, situation and the people I'm with. Here are some examples:


-college: My voice sounds quiet and shy around professors but goes back to normal and audible when I'm hanging out with my friends. When I get embarrassed or nervous, my voice gets shaky and I stutter a bit.

-home: my voice is normal and audible. When I'm feeling stressed out, my voice sounds whiny and cranky. When I'm angry, my voice gets louder.

Part of the problem is not your lack of eye contact but rather the ways NT incorrectly derive emotional information by looking into Aspie eyes. NTs seem to misinterpret our intentions as a result. So the idea of wearing sunglasses is a valid approach because it prevents NTs from observing our eyes and misinterpreting our meanings. It forces them to listen to our words.

Psychologist Paul Ekman, an authority on facial expressions, says that of the 23 facial expressions relating to human emotion, about one-third involve the eyes. Shades may slightly obscure your view of the world, but they also hide the world's view of how you are feeling.

Not being able to see a person's eyes greatly reduces our ability to infer his or her emotions. For example, telling a fake smile from a real one can be difficult, but if the smiler is wearing shades then detecting the sham smile is almost impossible. In a real smile, a muscle called the orbicularis oculi is activated, creating a hard-to-fake crinkling around the eyes. The eyes truly are the windows to the soul.

The eyes, eyelids, eyebrows and orbicularis oculi muscle play a major role in projecting emotions and the degree of emotions. The following is a list of some of these emotions:

* disgust, contempt, upset, unhappy, miserable,
* worry, apprehension, surprise, fear, terror, controlled fear
* broad smile, smile of enjoyment, a real smile from a fake smile, angry smile, miserable smile
* dispair or grief
* slight sadness, sadness, intense sadness, agony, masked sadness
* annoyance, slight anger, anger, controlled or restrained anger, glaring anger, masked expression of anger
* perplexity, confusion, concentration, determination

When I was a teenager in college, I bought a pair of policeman sunglasses. These were sunglasses that had a perfectly reflective silver mirrored finish. I found it to be very interesting wearing these. It was almost like I was invisible. No one could see into my eyes. It was like I was in a box with a one-way mirror. All that anyone ever saw when they looked at me was a reflection of themselves. Normally I never look into people's eyes, an Aspie trait. But when I wore these glasses, I found it easier to look them right into their eyes. I could walk right up to their face and they couldn't see my eyes. I suspect most people found the glasses intimidating when they looked at me. But I didn't really care, because I felt free of their stares.

In an effort to relive this experience, I recently purchased a pair of blue solid mirrored coating prescription glasses. Mirror coatings can be solid mirror or flash mirror. Solid mirror coating lenses are completely nontransparent; whereas flash mirror coated lenses are partially transparent. This pair of glasses use high-index lenses because I have an extreme case of nearsightedness. As a result glass lenses would otherwise have to be very thick to address this condition; whereas high-index plastic lenses are much thinner and lighter. The glasses are polarized to prevent glare. Mirror finish lenses produce substantial reflective glare and as a result must be polarized. Now the thing about these glasses is that the lenses are not tinted so they let in a lot more light than sunglasses and to some extent can be worn inside.

I chose the lenses color based on color association with mood. Blue is peaceful, tranquil and symbolizes loyalty. Blue is reliable and responsible. It exhibits inner security and confidence.