Had an interesting thought

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Ok here's the thing, I've been making all these posts about my friend and the issues I'm having. At the very beginning they started out flirting and teasing and I ignored it. I only really admitted we were friends once that stopped. I knew I wasn't into them beyond flesh, I mean I asked several times why we were friends because I knew we had nothing in common and our conversations weren't very intellectually stimulating. They weren't clever or able to make me laugh very much, this to me is understood as "clicking". I mean we were both nice people and both friendly towards people but I think I knew already that they weren't what I'm after.

I'm a lonely guy, it comes with being alone a long time. I told them over and over that I was their friend and I knew it to be true and that I didn't want more than that. At the same time they showed interest and teased and flirted. I think maybe why I was initially confused about learning they didn't like me and how very little effect it held over me as compared to the last person who I really did like was because I already knew somewhere in my head we didn't sync up like that. The last girl I fell for left me depressed for months and it really hurt like acid on my heart and we'd know each other a much shorter time. She made me feel stupid in a good way, and god dang she made me laugh every single time we talked it was so much fun just being around her. We hit it off great, it went down hill as it was online and she got a flesh bf. Flesh always beats data anyday even for me it would.

Thing to understand is more than one person can really get with you well. There is no "The one", there are a lot of .84's and the rest is accepting what's not there and loving them anyway. But this person never made me laugh that hard, the only time they probably did was on accident. I'm still really confused but I think what happened was even though I was determined to be friends with this person and enjoyed the company they gave me. I think that they unknowingly took advantage of my innate loneliness and I was willing to ignore my better judgement and consider them. Looking back they always had that in mind from how they acted and later from questions probing me about my views on life and personal matters that friends don't really discuss. Which is where my aspieness made me always answer even the really awkward ones that I knew weren't about being friends anymore. I think they gather up guys they might like and then when they want to find the person they like they go through all of them or several atleast and see which ones they "click" with.

They are attractive yes, and very nice, patient, and kind. They didn't seem able to make me like them the way this other person did though. It took lots of prodding and teasing and effort for me to eventually like them. The first person just talked and everything rolled into place, they didn't feel the same with me sadly but that's how it goes. If I was NT I can't help but wonder if I would have stuck to my previous idea that I just wanted them as a friend? I mean certainly I did want a friend, but they never behaved in ways I expect my friends to. No sharing no telling me they had a great day, I love sharing as an aspie but I love hearing about others too. We are very different people and it makes me wonder if somewhere in this jumble of wires I call a brain I already knew how I felt and didn't want more. I'm hurt yes, even if I did know I still chose to go down a path that causes hurt if it doesn't go as you expect. But at the same time it's more of a miss their company kind of thing because I like talking to people. It's not the heart aching gut wrenching can't stop crying in the car on the way to school kind of hurt when I felt the link break with the first one. It's an angry, confused, not sure why I did that when all I wanted was the friendship kind.

I'm not sure I'm right on this, but looking back it should be obvious to anyone with as much time as we talked there was no need to guess if we clicked. We obviously have very different tastes and sense's of humor. She only rarely managed to really get down and nerdy with our discussions. Don't like the same movies, books, I only kinda liked one game they played which they only played I think to spend time with a friend. It hurts but why won't it hurt like I keep expecting it too? It's just the lonely I'm hating and the fact that they did this to me after I told them I wanted to be friends. It's a grab bag when last time it was all pain.
I feel like I allowed myself down a path to avoid being lonely, not because it was a path I wanted to take. They're a nice person but looking back it's obvious to me we don't get along nearly well enough to be in love. It's probably an aspie thing to even question this maybe, but I know from a lot of experience that I'll do something intuitively and avoid certain situations and people. If I get asked later why I honestly have no idea why I did it. I mean it always turns out later it was best to avoid them, met a racist that way, met a violent a-hole I avoided for 3 years in HS.

Is this even a possibility? Is it possible that an aspie can have an intuitive reasoning in their subconscious mind that tells them how to act? Because I analyze I'll avoid what it says with conscious decisions but if I just stop analyzing it gets it right somehow. And I can't understand why it does, the aspie dislikes this. The human is glad of all the fights and evil women I've avoided not knowing why xD. Can anyone relate to this at all?

"Clicking" is an interesting study. The world today consists largely of people looking for "relationships" with little thought of marriage and family. More often in days gone by "clicking" would involve a perception of the other person as a "good catch".

Today "clicking" is the perception of emotional resonance with someone else. This is difficult for Aspies for two reasons. The first is with input in that a higher value is placed on intellectual assessment than emotional response. The second is with output in that we are not likely to carry off playing a role that might increase the chances to "click" with someone else.

I had one date when I was 27, but didn't really start dating until I was in my 30s. I met quite a number of women that I am really really glad never went further than one dinner. I didn't know anything about AS then I just knew that this was a disaster. I had discovered that living by myself was much preferable to living with a mistake.

Since I am a Christian, I met some women who called themselves Christian but were no different than the relationship seeking people I had met before. I finally found my wife in an adult Sunday School class. We talked for about a year and then started going out. We dated for about half a year and then got engaged. We got married when I was 43. We have three children and are very much in love.

I would suggest differentiation between emotional "clicking" and intellectual "clicking". To me emotional "clicking" reflects the transient and initial sensations one has and often consists of self-generated sensations of desire, anticipation, and expectation. If all you are doing is looking for a transient relationship, then this might be alright for you. However, if you desire to only go through this once and build a life with someone, I would recommend the intellectual "clicking" as the way to go.