The Value of Meeting Other Autistic People

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Lately I've been bothered by a strong sense of isolation. There's a distance between myself and my friends, an understanding that they perceive as some kind of other rather than a real peer, and the same could be said of the opposite sex as well. It's a growing belief that, while others can form intimate connections with others upon mutual interests, traits, and values, I'm entirely alone in regards to my personality and will never experience such connections for myself.

Yet still I know, or at least hope, that that isn't the case. It's that hope that drove me to this site in the first, and that same hope furthermore compels me to learn more about autism and maybe, hopefully, find someone like myself. I haven't had a lot of luck with that, here or elsewhere (I live in Boston, and I'm not aware of any communities there), but I'm still optimistic that I might find someone like myself among the mass of peoples within the spectrum.

Am I being realistic, though, or am I getting my hopes up for nothing? What can I actually expect to get out of meeting other autistic people? Can I hope to find that personal connection that I'm searching for, or is that just as difficult to form between people on the spectrum as it is to form between someone without autism and someone with autism?

in own view its easier to interact with people on the spectrum because theres less interaction, communication and social expectations than there is from normies,and though this does not go for everyone many people on the spectrum tend not to judge others due to their autism or experiences of being badly judged throughout their lives.
have spent entire life around other spectrumers and for the past decade have lived with people who have challenging autism,woud always choose autists and people with downs as being the best groups to be around,autists are much more comfortable to be around in own view.

woud recommend going to meetup.com and making a autism group in the boston area,its free to do so if remember correctly,coud meet up in coffeeshops, have drinks or pinics in parks if the weather is good, sensory rooms etc.

Hooraydiation. There are courses on how to develop your social skills. If there is an autism centre within reach, they may have some courses. It could help you, - and you would meet others with the same difficulties.

hooraydiation,
i feel basically the same, i don't have too many people i relate to, perhaps one in town, i know a few people.

tend to spend most 90%+ of my time in isolation, i stay home and study nd read and listen to lecture.

I'm always torn between giving up on connecting w others, and trying to reach out.

see both have positives and negatives.

if one ws able to no longer want socializing and love one would already have what they want.

but you do want the connection, so is it easier to find the connection or to change what you want, its the grey zone.

Well I guess I have this fantasy of meeting other autistic people, and being among them makes me feel normal, and suddenly there's somewhere I fit in.

I know that autism covers a wide range of categories, though, and that even among each category there must be lots of diversity due to differing personality types. Will I really have that experience of fitting in, then, or will I just have the same experience that I've had in the world at large?

Worst case scenario, it could turn out that the reason I don't get along with others isn't even because of autism, but just because of a different and distinct flaw that will separate me from even people who have autism.

Seek out the local autism groups in your area. A google search should provide you with at least one or two. (They are different from an autism center) Quite a few of them have added adult support groups for Aspergers/HFA and most are free to join and attend.

They normally are just social events with no real "therapy" and are ran by volunteers who mediate. Mine just asks that you bring a snack to share. I joined it not long ago and so far I haven't really connected with anyone, but it has been really interesting to see the similarities and nuances that we share. (Like the annoying pausing of speech while trying to find the right words and such). They meet twice a month one is a group meeting and the second is an outing. I don't do the outings, mainly because they pick places I have no interest in.

While no one in my group seems to be exactly the same or even be at the same point as I am, I appreciate and feel relaxed around them.

Please realize you will never find someone exactly like you, you are unique, but you may be able to find others that share similarities and interests.

Well i dont want to dash any hopes but I was around autistic kids in school from age 6 to 12 and i did not make any special friendships with any of my classmates in all that time. I cant even say I felt any special bond with any of them. I was more comfortable with them than regular kids in most cases, but that was about it. The only friend I have had in my life is a very NT kid who moved in next door when I was 9. And it really has been his persistence that had kept the friendship going. I mean he is always the one who comes to see me and always the one who calls, not the other way around.

Ezra, you have that one, which is better than none.

The mistake I believe most people who have ASD make is to compare themselves with everyone else. The statements like, "Well everyone else has x number of friends" and "Well everyone else is able to do that" are in fact inherently self defeating. Quality out does quantity any day. It sounds like you have quality in your friendship. That is more important than anything.

It takes time and effort for anyone to build quality relationships, whether with a friend or loved one. They don't happen overnight and rarely are easy. Yet without the effort of making a first step you can't expect to find anyone. That first step is usually being able to be comfortable with yourself and the with who you are as a whole.

Whether people want to believe this or not, the ideas and thoughts you have about the world around you are exhibited through your actions and behaviors. If you feel like you can't relate to anyone that translate into behavior that is off putting to others, making it more difficult to find quality friendships and being able to enjoy them.

Do you find it necessary to meet people in real life? I actually prefer interacting with people online, and I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. (Heck, even if I met them in real life, I still wouldn't look them in the eyes, or be able to read their body language, so what's the point, really? Haha)

I know I'm not exactly normal though, and that other people have a need to interact in person, which I simply don't feel.

Hooraydiation, sent you a PM about AANE (Asperger's Association of New England), in case someone else from the Boston area sees this.

I have met many other people who shared my diagnosis. I couldn't connect with them any better than I do with NTs. I think I even connect better with NTs. Occasionally I find people that I connect with. Most of those people are NT and sometimes they share my diagnosis. This is another reason why I don't think I'm an Aspie or NT.

I was only able to meet people and have friends when I went to university and found others interested in the same things as myself. That's my only solution to your problem: a class, an academic environment, and so on.

For me, it's had the opposite effect - I hate being pigeonholed, and so I tend to stay away from other people on the spectrum to avoid being associated with the "weird crowd". And since I've learned how to talk like a normal person my age, hearing them speak in their robotic ways puts me right off. It makes me think, "Am I really one of them? I'm nothing like these people. At all." Hearing people rave on and on about their interests also puts me right off, since I've gotten over my obsessiveness. I used to be good friends with someone lower functioning than me, but she never really tried to fit in like I do, and her constant chatter about video games I'd never even played put me right off.