Hi I'm new, please help!

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Hi! I'm new here.

Hi,

I'm 39, married and have 3 children. I always had a feeling that something was wrong with me, but I though it was all in my mind.

My 9 years old boy was recently diagnosed with Asperger, and looking for more information on the Internet I'm realizing that I also may have the disorder. My son looks a lot better than me as a child, as he like sports and is a lot better socializing with other children than I was. My wife also thinks that I may have AS.

As a child, most of the times I preferred to play alone. At school I mostly used to sit down or walk alone during pauses.

I always had fascination for computers. When I was 10, my family used to see me as a little genius. I enjoyed talking with adults and they always said that I talked just like another adult.

I remember that one time my cousin took me with her to the university and everyone was amazed of my programming skills. In the present I still love computers, making software, websites and working with photoshop. I love MS Flight Simulator. My IQ is average, so I not actually a "genius".


From my adolescence, I learned to copy other persons I like, and I still do as an adult, so I can fit better in social situations.

High school was like a hell for me. I was bullied all the time as I was "the Nerd" of the class, Later on I was advised to enroll a school for adults, as I was unable to fit with children of the same age. That was the solution.

I always had obsessions with a particular subjects. Particularly computers, aviation and ships. Even today, I have many problems to get my mind away from my hobbies and that is causing me serious problems in every job and at home too.

My wife is always complaining that my mind is away and I feel highly frustrated all the time, as I can't dedicate time anymore to do the things I like.

I like routine and patterns, I'm always scared of changes. My wife is the opposite than me and as she is in control now, that make me feel anxious very often. She says I'm a boring person.

I has been diagnosed with depression. Also I'm very prone to forget things in the short term.

My question is: With all these characteristics, is there still any chance that I don't have Asperger?

Welcome

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment. It's always possible that you don't, but from what I've read, it seems highly likely to me that you do. In saying that, having AS is not necessarily a bad thing, it's all a matter of perspective, and I suppose depends on how it effects your life.

I understand it's tricky when family is involved; as I am not married my advise may not be the best, but I would suggest trying to educate yourself more about AS, and discussing it with your wife. It might be more beneficial to your happiness if she is able to understand and accept your behaviours. If you have concerns, perhaps you should speak to a professional too.

I would say that there is a good chance that you are an aspie. You describe many characteristics of AS. There are several tests online (many linked from another thread here: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt113459.html) that may give you a better idea.

Diagnosis is a specialised job that nobody here is qualified to conduct. Bottom line: none of us here at WP can know with a high degree of confidence. Your first port of call should probably be your GP, although your experience of diagnosis will vary according to where you live.

I figured out I have AS while reading about it because my nephew was diagnosed. as I don't need services (I'm 57 and fairly well compensated.), I am not seeking an official diagnosis. here's a very brief test based on the criteria docs use: www.iautistic.com/test_AS.php

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hi dstad, Welcome to Wrong Planet

Of course it's possible you don't.

I do, and it is still evident. Not all the time, but some of the time. Even though I do a lot of things well.

I think the question would be whether there is something to gain from a label. It you are diagnosed and being treated for depression, there might be. And for your child, there is a purpose to a label, it helps people understand and support him, hopefully.

For you, it might help you understand what is difficult, help your wife understand, too, if it is an accurate label.

I went through the same thing when I saw my child not able to fit in. I think it is natural, maybe unavoidable to ask these questions when we love and want to support our children. But it also seems to be the case that sometimes a child has more of a struggle than parents who had and have traits but not the whole ASD picture.

It is very hard, though, coming to terms with this issue. And nothing any of us says will make it easy, what will I think help is seeing your child thrive---I hope that will happen for you!!

Hi, I think this is where knowing or at least strongly suspecting that you're "on the Spectrum" might potentially really help you. Your wife might understand that you need plenty of alone to re-charge, to emotionally process, and plus that's just how you're geared up. I get a whole lot of enjoyment and personally engagement with life out of my projects and activities. I do like sharing them, but I need to do them for a good while on my own first.

I have never been married. I have had a couple of relationships. Okay, to take one case, I didn't want to let her down, I spent a lot of time with us together, and I kind of lost myself. If I had known I need to take time for myself along the way, the relationship might have had more of a chance.

PS Your wife might resist the second blow of finding out her husband is also Aspie, even though it's a positive, even though it gives both you and her and the relationship open fields.

The idea might be shocking at first, but maybe you could bear in mind that a diagnosis would change nothing. Absolutely nothing. Please let that take the fear out of it for you. You'll still be the same you.

A lot of us here think of Asperger's as another way of living, definitely not a sickness. For example, after my Dx I got interested in sensory issues and changed things where I live. It was a big help. Your son might appreciate it too. Like different coloured light bulbs. Or weighted blankets.

There's a lot of exploration but it's not negative. There are probably helps for your son but none for adults, so the two of you could join forces and explore together.

Don't be discouraged - when you get over the shock there's a bright side.

Welcome