questioning my gender: not sure what gender i want to be

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ZombieBrideXD
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22 Jan 2014, 5:16 am

i remember, ever since i was very young, i sometimes had dreams that i was a boy, or even a lesbian (im also very confused of which gender i like but im pretty sure i like boys the most) i really dont like being a girl, i dont like mestrating, i dont like my body, but i dont think id like being a boy either, i dont think i want a gender,and i often forget im a girl and i have to think about it before when genders are seperated, what does this mean?


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Schneekugel
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22 Jan 2014, 5:33 am

I was often asked or told that I seem to have troubles with my gender, but when I became older I realized, that I dont have any real troubles with any gender, but simply with that silly prejudices and expectations that other have on any gender. It simply annoyed me, that when I did certain stuff, I was told it would be unappropirate or a "boy-thing", just as it annoyed me, when I was expected to told to be like this or that because of it being a "girl thing".

Maybe it helps you seeing it the way I do, I simply dont really waste thoughts on my gender, the thing I do, I do because of them being "Schneekugel-things", and the things I dont do I dont do because of them being not "Schneekugel-things". If I like something, I like it, and if not if not, and its only related to me being the person that I am, not what kind of sexual organs are dangling on me. ^^

There will be some other people, having trobules to believe that your sex simply dont matter to you, and that you dont give that much of thoughts on it, but thats something you must learn to accept.

By not giving a f**k about it, I know feel absolutely fine with the gender I have. ^^ I am simply me.



Last edited by Schneekugel on 22 Jan 2014, 5:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

Verdandi
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22 Jan 2014, 5:36 am

It could mean a lot of things. However, you don't have to stick to "boy" and "girl." There are many other genders and descriptors such as agender, bigender, genderfluid, genderqueer, androgynous, neutrois, etc. They go well beyond those as well.



babybird
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22 Jan 2014, 5:41 am

I classify myself as asexual and androgynous. It took me years to understand what was going on.


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Callista
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22 Jan 2014, 7:37 am

A lot of people don't fit into the gender binary. Some of them are okay with being called male or female even though they know those labels aren't quite right, because it doesn't really matter that much to them. Others are very uncomfortable with either male or female and identify as something else--androgynous, bi-gender, genderqueer, non-gendered. There are a lot of ways to talk about non-binary gender identities. There are even genderfluid people whose gender identities change over time, or even from day to day. Some people discover that they're fine with being male (or female), but that they don't want to fit the stereotype--guys who bake cookies; girls who fix cars. Some guys, who are guys and like being guys, also like to wear pink.

Just be patient with yourself. It's okay not to be sure. You're yourself, whatever name turns out to work best for that.

I'm one of the "not-sure" ones, myself, and I'm pretty much okay with it. I'm biologically female, but identify more like androgynous, except that I'm okay with people calling me a girl because I don't really care one way or the other, except that I think having boobs is really uncomfortable. I've decided to just kind of ignore gender and just do and be who I am. I wear men's shirts and girls' pants, do calculus and crochet, own cats and play computer games. I'm just me, and I don't have to be limited by gender.


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Tuttle
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22 Jan 2014, 8:52 am

non-gendered, I like that word. I've not thought of that one before...



Stannis
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22 Jan 2014, 10:05 am

ZombieBrideXD wrote:
what does this mean?


You don't get to pick your chromosomes, so who cares?

I'm reminded of this scene from Life of Brian.



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Dillogic
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22 Jan 2014, 10:20 am

Behavior based on two cookie cutters is far too limiting and dehumanizing.

Do whatever (as long as you don't harm others).


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Lostiehere
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22 Jan 2014, 10:24 am

You may want to Google the terms "gender fluid" and "genderqueer." These are both becoming more commonly used to describe oneself if they do not necessarily (although they may) identify as gay or straight per se.


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Rebel_Nowe
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22 Jan 2014, 10:50 am

Gender vocabulary, much like the vocabulary of many things that people tend to consider an essential an unchangeable part of themselves, is just a set of ideas, terms, and tools that can be used to describe oneself. It isn't a matter of categories. Even adding categories like agender, gender-fluid, gender-queer, etc. leaves you dealing with walls and limits that humans don't actually generally work with. Take what concepts and vocabulary you need from either or any gender category and use them as tools to find yourself.

For example, I find a gender dichotomy in myself based on the gravitas or importance of what I am doing. When being serious, working, being selfless ("You don't need a reason to help people" mode) being impressive, being dangerous (physically or intellectually) I use very traditionally masculine tools and traits. I express those parts of myself in an edgy and masculine manner. On the other hand, when I'm letting loose, having unimportant fun, being sexual, getting intoxicated, I express myself in very feminine ways. This is why I play MMOs as a gurl. I personify these modes very literally. I keep myself physically capable of presenting as either gender effectively. My female wardrobe is more and more competitive in size with my male.

However, like many people on the spectrum, I identify as more middle gender than either end. I just find fun activities and useful tools at both ends of the tunnel. I love playing with extremes, even when they don't necessarily reflect the whole me.


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Ashariel
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22 Jan 2014, 11:05 am

I'm asexual and genderless too. I'm okay with the rest of the world classifying me as female, but I try to wear gender-neutral clothes, so that I feel comfortable, yet don't draw unwanted attention to myself.



zer0netgain
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23 Jan 2014, 8:25 am

I don't know if anyone with AS really "feels" like their gender.

I'm sure a lot of NT women don't like the "gifts" that gender comes with.

I envy women because they (overall) have it better than men in how they are treated. No performance expectations, allowed to fail if they can't do something without it being a social stigma, given preference in a lot of things because they would rather have a woman for the opportunity. The list goes on.

Do I want to have a sex change for all of that? No.

Even though I don't fit in with the guys and have a better chance fitting in with the girls. I am what I am, and neither therapy or surgery will truly change that.



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23 Jan 2014, 8:52 am

ZombieBrideXD wrote:
questioning my gender: not sure what gender i want to be

Do you really think that you get to choose?



TallyMan
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23 Jan 2014, 9:07 am

Fnord wrote:
ZombieBrideXD wrote:
questioning my gender: not sure what gender i want to be

Do you really think that you get to choose?


As I understand the issue it is much more complicated than that. On the most superficial level is the gender of the chromosomes which usually but not always corresponds to the genitalia. Then there is the brain gender and here there is a wide range between male brain and female brain and is associated with many of the male/female stereotypical behaviour. Add the further complexity that the gender we are sexually attracted to is related to brain development when we are a foetus which again may not correspond to the opposite of our physical gender. Considering all these factors it isn't a surprise that some people don't clearly identify as being the same gender as their chromosomes.


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23 Jan 2014, 9:49 am

I don't see my personality as either male or female, it does not really have a gender, however I am not asexual (I like coitus it feels very nice sometimes and orgasms are very pleasurable) and I do like having a female body.