Page 2 of 3 [ 34 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next

Marky9
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Mar 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,625
Location: USA

15 Feb 2014, 11:55 pm

I once took one of those online tests about narcissism and scored higher than I would have liked.

So I read all I could about it and did some self-examination, just as you have done. Just raising my awareness of what narcissism is and how my beliefs and actions may tend toward that was a big help. I found it much harder to think, feel, and act in those ways after they were exposed for what they are. In that way self-awareness resulted in some degree of self-correction.

It also helped that on more than one occasion when I was a bit too full of myself life gave me a big fat smack of reality check. A heaping helping of humble pie was distasteful, but it helped me get myself right-sized in my head. :oops:


_________________
"Righteous indignation is best left to those who are better able to handle it." - Bill W.


Raziel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Oct 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,592
Location: Europe

16 Feb 2014, 1:37 am

1401b wrote:
If you're narcissistic then why didn't you post a picture of your awesomazingness face or body for your avatar pix? hmmm?
And how come your "signature" isn't telling the world about your wonderousness?


Of course his thoughts and behaviour could have also other reasons, but I wanted to add that I've certain schizotype and clearly specific paranoia towards certain situations (my half-brother had paranoid schizophrenia) and I still doesn't mean that I hide all the time or that I do magic trics all day, I'm also aware of that. There is still a huge difference between certain PD-tendencies and a full blown PD and also if you fulfill enough dx criteria so that a PD can be dx there is still a spectrum and just very few have severe forms.


_________________
"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown." - Woody Allen


886
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jan 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,661
Location: SLC, Utah

16 Feb 2014, 5:53 am

UndeadToaster wrote:
886 wrote:
UndeadToaster wrote:

I definitely feel empathy (but then there are times where people/friends have problems and I just can't care) and I don't think I manipulate people


Then you're probably fine.

Obviously, we can't diagnose. A lot of personality traits with being autistic can show signs for just about any other disorder out there, I could personally diagnose myself after reading a wikipedia article on many other disorders. I know it all boils down to asperger's syndrome though, really.

I'm not sure if I have Asperger's either though, so I didn't want to write it off as that. But it could be.

I'm just curious about whether it's reasonable to think I may be narcissistic, and then I'll pursue it further if I can't fix it myself.

Also, one of the main reasons I somewhat suspect narcissistic PD, or at least undesirable narcissistic tendencies that I forgot to mention in my OP is that I define my worth on how I compare to other people. I think of things that I think would be really cool to do and immediately think of what people would think of me for doing them. I've realized that if I was completely alone in the world, my main problem would be that there would be no people to be impressed by me, not loneliness or anything. I often imagine that we would give presentations on ourselves or aspects of ourselves in school and of course (sarcasm) everyone would so interested in mine, relative to other people's. Fortunately I realize now that that's utter bullcrap, but I still can't shake those thoughts of imagining myself presenting my accomplishments/anything I happen to be feeling proud of at the time to people and impressing them. It's rather paradoxical, I guess. I'm quiet and introverted (I think this is what keeps me from being perceived by most people as the self-absorbed jerk that I am), not really into close relationships, often embarrassed by affection/compliments, desire to be independent and not care what people think (of course I imagine people being all awed at my strong self-reliance), but then there's these tendencies that go against all that. Very bothersome. I want to do something for my own sake for once and be happy with myself without imagining how good I'll look in the eyes of others.

seaturtleisland wrote:
I've heard that a narcissist can feel shame but not guilt. I'm not sure if that's true or not. I've also heard from many different places that a narcissist can be self-aware.

I don't really know much about NPD but I wouldn't be surprised if someone with NPD wanted to change because ze needs to be perfect and having any personal flaw including Narcissism is unacceptable. The fact that this thread exists doesn't prove that the OP doesn't have subclinical narcissistic tendencies or a personality disorder.

Hmmm... I think I may actually feel shame rather than guilt. I regret doing things that most people would feel guilty about because they make me feel like a jerk/idiot/whatever when I desire to be a nice, wonderful person that everyone looks up too, not so much because someone was hurt somehow. There is empathy there when I hurt someone though. Maybe that's guilt.


That's typically how I view a narcissist - a self-absorbed jerk. But you seem to show empathy towards the fact, and to your surroundings. I guess I don't know much about it either.

By the definition you gave I'd be a poster child for it myself :?


_________________
If Jesus died for my sins, then I should sin as much as possible, so he didn't die for nothing.


b9
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Aug 2008
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,003
Location: australia

16 Feb 2014, 6:40 am

my childhood psychiatrist had a set of university students that i allowed her to invite to her "open" consultations with me. some of her students wondered whether i had significant hallmarks of narcissistic personality disorder, and she said i did not.

in a later private session (sans students) she told me why some of their suspicions were aroused (and subsequently doused).
one hallmark of NPD is a feeling of automatic entitlement, or "favour" as well as the expectation of automatic deference of others to ones will.

i always felt that others should get out of my way when i was walking somewhere, or that my favourite seat (if occupied) should be immediately and unquestionably vacated for me when i arrive and wish to sit down.

when i was younger, i even felt that i was always in the same place when i was walking, and that i was merely rolling the world under my feet (like a tread ball) to get my destination to be under my feet.

all that which i have just said is a manifestation of autism, and not an indication of NPD.

without reference to the wikipedia definitions, and also without reference to various sites' pamphlet bullet point definitions, i will say what i remember me and her (my doctor) talking about.

she said that NPD people automatically think that anything they do is somehow divinely inspired even though they have no idea of the mechanisms behind their baseless creative utterances.

they can walk by a piano and randomly bang the keys as they walk past, and then idealize what they just heard as a masterpiece.

they believe they are so heavenly justified and fortified in every expression they emanate, that they need not even scrutinize where the original basis was for their expressions.

NPD people believe that the people in the world at large are inferior because the world at large fails to see their nobility of thought, and they dare to consider the matter using only their ignoble brains.

if you feel you sing the song of angels despite the protestant denials of the unwashed and terran based masses, then you may indeed be considered further with respect to NPD.



UndeadToaster
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 25 Sep 2013
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Posts: 340

16 Feb 2014, 1:39 pm

I definitely don't do anything like you mentioned above. I also tend to score pretty low on online narcissism tests. What got me thinking about it, however, is stuff I read about "covert" narcissism which seemed to fit me pretty well.
Like this: http://www1.appstate.edu/~hillrw/Narcis ... ssist.html



Bateman
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 15 Feb 2014
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Posts: 15
Location: England

17 Feb 2014, 9:31 pm

I had similar worries to you, then I realised that I was in fact just an ideal human being.



starvingartist
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Oct 2008
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,032

17 Feb 2014, 10:20 pm

UndeadToaster wrote:
It took me a while to admit this to myself, but I think it's true. Perhaps not full-blown narcissistic personality disorder but it's certainly not good, and I'd like to see if I can make it go away. Or maybe it's just insecurity...?

I definitely feel empathy (but then there are times where people/friends have problems and I just can't care) and I don't think I manipulate people, but I can be condescending/mean/insensitive (mostly when correcting/helping people) and I've been told I am arrogant. I think I can control it pretty well in that I appear to be a nice, humble person and I can reason with myself but that doesn't influence how I feel. I'm always fantasizing about being massively successful/liked/respected and instinctively think people are focused on me (ex: if I'm around people I assume everything I do/say is noticed/judged. I get over-sensitive to any criticism (I don't show it) and desire praise/admiration quite strongly (but again, I don't show it) and whenever doing something I always think about how other people would feel about it, as if they're watching/judging me. I tell little "white-lies" fairly frequently because I'm afraid I'll appear abnormal/embarrass myself even just slightly. I immediately envy/dislike people who are smarter than me, more attractive than me, etc... I'm not satisfied with myself unless I'm the best. There's more but I can't recall it right now. Doesn't matter much anyway I suppose.

Anyway, it's causing problems and I want to know if there's anything I can do (without help, preferably) to not care so much about what people think of me and be more secure/independent and empathetic/caring/genuinely nice.


the things that i have bolded in your post, combined with the fact that you desribe yourself as still a teenager, lead me to believe that you may be on your way to developing a personality disorder--but the fact that you are, at such a relatively young age, questioning these things about yourself and using insight tell me that you possess the resources to change that. being so young, your personal identity that you will settle into as an adult is still forming, it is not set in stone, your brain/mind are still quite flexible and elastic (you might be interested in looking into something called neuroplasticity--i did and i found what i learned very comforting in regards to the human capability to adapt and change).

most people who develop narcissistic personality disorder have the sort of ego that prevents them from being able to use insight to critically analyse themselves and their behaviour without a severely distorting self-favouring bias--but it sounds to me like you still possess the ability to observe yourself pretty clearly, that bias has not perverted your perception so much yet. i think that if you found the right kind of guidance you could find a way to free yourself from the slavery of the search for perfection. all human beings are equally incapable of perfection--we are here not to achieve perfection, but to learn how to accept ourselves and each other for what we truly are. like joe cocker says in the song "space captain"--we're just learning to live together. i am not saying that seeking to better oneself is wrong or foolish; i believe that personal growth and betterment is something we should all strive for--but we should do so with the awareness that our humanity precludes perfection. once you accept that, it's actually quite comforting.



ZenDen
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jul 2013
Age: 77
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,730
Location: On top of the world

27 Feb 2014, 10:26 am

Personally I believe a strong dose of narcissism is what kept me from going totally bonkers as a youngster.

In the'40s and'50s you were lucky to just be considered feeble minded rather than sent off to disappear into an institution somewhere. BUT I knew I wasn't feeble minded, which changed over time into a conviction of my mental superiority (this also touched on "physical" superiority???LOL).

Although I was resentful of others (all those stupid friends & etc.) I was always able to fall back on my invisible superiority for comfort. I'm pretty sure this is what kept me semi-stable through the years of no love, understanding or assistance.

I certainly hope things are much better for kids in this century. As for me, remnants of my narcissism remain, and I believe, remain necessary, although the dreams of physical superiority faded rapidly after the age of 65. :wink:

denny



ZenDen
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jul 2013
Age: 77
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,730
Location: On top of the world

27 Feb 2014, 10:31 am

Personally I believe a strong dose of narcissism is what kept me from going totally bonkers as a youngster.

In the'40s and'50s you were lucky to just be considered feeble minded rather than sent off to disappear into an institution somewhere. BUT I knew I wasn't feeble minded, which changed over time into a conviction of my mental superiority (this also touched on "physical" superiority???LOL).

Although I was resentful of others (all those stupid friends & etc.) I was always able to fall back on my invisible superiority for comfort. I'm pretty sure this is what kept me semi-stable through the years of no love, understanding or assistance.

I certainly hope things are much better for kids in this century. As for me, remnants of my narcissism remain, and I believe, remain necessary, although the dreams of physical superiority faded rapidly after the age of 65. :wink:

denny



ZenDen
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jul 2013
Age: 77
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,730
Location: On top of the world

27 Feb 2014, 10:32 am

sorry for the duplicate



Last edited by ZenDen on 27 Feb 2014, 12:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

b9
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Aug 2008
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,003
Location: australia

27 Feb 2014, 10:56 am

not quite ready yet



Erwin
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 19 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 161

28 Mar 2014, 5:39 am

UndeadToaster wrote:
It took me a while to admit this to myself, but I think it's true. Perhaps not full-blown narcissistic personality disorder but it's certainly not good, and I'd like to see if I can make it go away. Or maybe it's just insecurity...?

I definitely feel empathy (but then there are times where people/friends have problems and I just can't care) and I don't think I manipulate people, but I can be condescending/mean/insensitive (mostly when correcting/helping people) and I've been told I am arrogant. I think I can control it pretty well in that I appear to be a nice, humble person and I can reason with myself but that doesn't influence how I feel. I'm always fantasizing about being massively successful/liked/respected and instinctively think people are focused on me (ex: if I'm around people I assume everything I do/say is noticed/judged. I get over-sensitive to any criticism (I don't show it) and desire praise/admiration quite strongly (but again, I don't show it) and whenever doing something I always think about how other people would feel about it, as if they're watching/judging me. I tell little "white-lies" fairly frequently because I'm afraid I'll appear abnormal/embarrass myself even just slightly. I immediately envy/dislike people who are smarter than me, more attractive than me, etc... I'm not satisfied with myself unless I'm the best. There's more but I can't recall it right now. Doesn't matter much anyway I suppose.

Anyway, it's causing problems and I want to know if there's anything I can do (without help, preferably) to not care so much about what people think of me and be more secure/independent and empathetic/caring/genuinely nice.

No such thing as narcissistic people. Fail psychologists are real though. I wish they'd actually research with a clear mind. You're completely ordinary. But know that people don't judge unless you offend them. But it can easily be resolved. All fights humans have are misunderstandings. Try it. (No, not offending them)



UndeadToaster
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 25 Sep 2013
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Posts: 340

28 Mar 2014, 2:09 pm

It's normal to imagine things like people watching your life like a movie (not in a paranoid type way, though that happens too haha) or giving presentations about oneself and believing that everyone would find it massively interesting? Constant grandiose fantasies are normal?



starvingartist
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Oct 2008
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,032

28 Mar 2014, 3:16 pm

Erwin wrote:
No such thing as narcissistic people. Fail psychologists are real though. I wish they'd actually research with a clear mind. You're completely ordinary. But know that people don't judge unless you offend them. But it can easily be resolved. All fights humans have are misunderstandings. Try it. (No, not offending them)


this is just patently false. narcissism is VERY real and it does a LOT of damage in the world.

to the OP: wanting to be more secure within yourself so you have more genuine empathy and caring to offer to other people is a very laudable goal, and i hope you find a way to pursue it.



probablyaspie
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 6 Mar 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 1

01 Apr 2014, 12:28 pm

Quote:
Anyway, it's causing problems and I want to know if there's anything I can do (without help, preferably) to not care so much about what people think of me and be more secure/independent and empathetic/caring/genuinely nice.


You need something real that grounds you.
Ask people you trust what they honestly think of you, and be honest in return. Having honest dialogues often with trusted people can possibly ground you. Spend time with them too.
This, however, goes against your wishes of being more secure/independent, because it suggests you of a possible flaw that is out of your control and therefore having to be dependent on others.
Currently, you're at an unrealistic fantasy pertaining to people and you're having trouble staying in reality.