"Get out there and meet people through groups!"

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Has anyone here ever tried to ask an NT to hang out only to be told "I'm really busy, why don't you try to meet new people on group websites!"

If I wanted to meet someone on a group website I'D HAVE ALREADY GONE THERE. I asked YOU to hang out, and obviously YOU DONT WANT TO. That's what I feel like telling them, of course what I usually say is "That's very interesting, I'll look into it."

I hate it when people brush me aside. So called "Outgoing" people. So called "kind and caring" people. What a bunch of BULLSPIT. If someone was "kind and caring" they'd ACCEPT your invitation to get coffee, especially when they KNOW how hard it is for you to ask people to hang out. A bunch of FAKES is what they are.

Wouldn't it be more fake if they hung with you out of pity instead of because they really wanted to? It seems to me they are being moderately honest by not hanging with you if they don't want to do; but they are trying to spare your feelings by suggesting the group thing. Sorry if this isn't the response you were hoping for.

I'll just add the suggestion that surely it would be better to find people with whom you share interests who you can hang with - a group of people who actually want to spend time together because they enjoy each others company?

How can you make a decision on whether or not you want to hang with someone if you haven't even met them? A lot of times, these people approach me! Then when I ask if they wanna hang, I get to hear the "I'm too busy" line. It's an insult, I'm sorry. I'd rather hear "Sorry I don't want to hang out with you". But don't patronize me by saying "you have lots going for you and I'm sure SOMEONE will like you! (even though I obviously don't, for no apparent reason).

Spare my feelings is laughable. I'm a good looking guy with a huge heart. Why such ADVERSITY to hanging with a guy like that (the person I'm referencing was a woman just so you know). Is being a handsome guy a bad thing? Whats her thought process? "Gee this handsome guy is reeeeeally annoying me, how do I get rid of him?" IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE TO ME! That's the point I'm trying to make!

I just don't understand people.

I don't understand people either. They confuse the hell out of me.

Unfortunately that's just how people are.

As life has progressed, I have had many opportunities to have coffee or lunch with someone and it really isn't all that great. For me it's something others did and I couldn't seem to make happen, so I wanted it real bad and got upset that I didn't have it. Now that I've been there and done that, I realize that I wasn't really missing out on anything.

Now you've provided more information, I'd guess (it is a pure guess) that she was fine with having you as an online friend or as someone to chat to (online) but she didn't want to take it to the next level i.e. a meeting in person. Maybe you came across too strong and she thought you had a romantic interest in her and she wasn't ready for that or there was no sexual chemistry there. Being handsome, while a positive thing, isn't the only reason why a woman would want to meet you in person.

Your phrase "hanging" is also ambiguous - it could mean simply sharing some time together as friends but with your comment about you being "handsome" implies you want a romantic/sexual involvement with her and she simply may not want that level of interaction with you or you came across as wanting to move too fast in that direction.

I'm sorta in a "meet people grouping" but it's a Facebook group. Strange because I seem to do extremely well there.

Ironic advice as a lot of NTs DO NOT want to go out to meet strangers ALONE. They usually want one person they know to go with them or go to the same event so they don't feel all alone if they don't meet anyone they like.

I had no luck on facebook so I don't bother going there anymore.

I only visit this site online and on a daily basis at the moment. I visit one or two other sites infrequently. I don't see much point as I never seem to get anywhere.

I can only assume that no one on facebook liked my many posts about sharks. I even started my own group about them on another site for groups and nobody joined.

I can't do much to help myself meet people if people arn't going to give me a break so I stopped trying now.

Some of it is not my doing, on said group there was a smear campaign against me and people were avoiding me because they had been lead to believe stuff that is not true about me by some very hateful souls who just wanted to ruin my reputation for their own sick amusement.

They won, they must be very happy. I can't be bothered to play with them so I stripped nearly all my stuff of the internet. They can go play with someone else.

I don't like being brushed aside either. But that is part of the way things work, and part of my socialization is learning how to accept that with some modicum of grace and ease.

There have been times when I was first getting to know someone, and somewhere along the way decided I knew them well enough as-is without hanging out with them or whatever. I appreciate when they graciously accept my choosing to define the boundaries of our acquaintance, and so I try to return that consideration when they so that.

I once got into the whole thing of devaluing people who did not act the way I wanted them to. My therapist at the time suggested that I read through the criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder. That showed me how, if I failed to modify my thinking and behavior, I might be heading down that path. It gave me even greater incentive to stop being willful and instead to allow people to flow more freely into and out of my life.

People have suggested to me that I try to meet people using something like Meetup, when I was not asking anyone to hang out, and was not even interested in that in the slightest. They just think you are supposed to "get out there" and meet people vs. staying at home. I have never figured out what "get out there" is supposed to mean exactly. It's just one of those stock phrases.

I think that advise assumes you know how to interact with people once you get out there. I never know what to say to people when I first meet them. I always freeze up. The only thing that helps is having a shared activity where we are forced to interact.

Or if whoever they're looking to meet is a serial killer or rapist.

There are people on the spectrum that are non-verbal, and yet can communicate very well using a keyboard, and surprise family, medical people, etc., with the fact "there's an intelligent person in there".

Interacting on the internet is a whole lot different than interacting in real life. When the people become real flesh and blood, that can be when the bumps in the road really begin.