Is it ever possible to get a second opinion?

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I used to come on here a few years ago when I was at a very low point in my (young!) life and one of my obsessions at the time was ASD because myself, a few well-informed friends, as well as a few of my counsellors in that time period, had strong suspicions that I was on the spectrum.

It took me a long time to build up the courage to ask my GP to refer me, but one of my counsellors wrote with a list of reasons why she wanted me to be assessed so he agreed to do so. I had an initial screening assessment by a man who is supposed to be a specialist in the diagnosis of adult Asperger's. I was just gone 18 at the time (I'm now 20). He agreed it would be beneficial to assess me fully. In the end I had the full diagnostic interview with a close friend of mine who I'd known for a few years present to provide more details as my parents were completely opposed to aiding me in an attempt to get diagnosed.

I was not diagnosed with Asperger's and I was told this was heavily influenced by the fact that I had told him I had a boyfriend (we had only been going out for a month or two at the time and he was well-informed from me about the possibility of being autistic and my autistic-related traits and was patient and working to be helpful and understand them), as well as a few very close friends. Therefore I was seen to not have my social relationships being affected, despite a long history of severe bullying throughout secondary school. At this present moment in time I actually no longer have a relationship with the friend that came to my interviews, we fell out over a year ago now. At university now I have perhaps one close friend, and though I believe I'm still friends with my few friends from back home I do find it difficult to maintain them. The only constant is my partner and I'm sure that is just because of the kind, patient, person that he is and how hard he has tried to educate himself about this stuff and not take things to heart. He is also my carer as I am classed as disabled and is recognised as such by our City Council Social Services.

Here I am again on WrongPlanet at another very low point in my life (I suffer from depression and severe anxiety as well as a number of minor-moderate ongoing health conditions). I really, really want a second opinion because me and my partner are still convinced I may have ASD. The specialist member of the disability centre at my uni also agrees and I've also been diagnosed with dyslexia since coming to uni. I have a copy of my original report and there are lots of things in it that indicate diagnosis that for some reason didn't result in me being diagnosed. For example problems with understanding figurative speech and jokes, being reknowned for clumsiness, a "clipped" way of talking (I didn't even know I had that!), problems with eye contact, my history of being picked on throughout secondary school, perfectionism, extreme organisation and collecting things, depression, anxiety, and dyslexia...all these things were flagged up but dismissed at the same time.

I'm rambling so badly, I apologise. I've convinced myself though that obviously I know these assessments cost money, and because I've already had one, no GP is willingly going to refer me for another one when I'm essentially saying "this professional is incorrect". Has anyone ever got a second opinion (negative or positive)? I've told myself if I did manage one and it came out again as not a diagnosis then I would force myself to let the issue rest. Can anyone provide me with some advice? I live in England. I looked at going private but me and my partner are both students and it was far too expensive.

I was told I'm not autistic because I can interact and have a sense of humor, and autistics don't see other people as having feelings. He also said any autistic could have instantly arranged some colored blocks to match a pattern on a printed sheet...something I took a minute or two to do.

My doctor called the guy unprofessional, the local Asperger's group said something like "unqualified", and my therapist flat out said the guy was nuts.

He was also working out of the trunk of his car.

I've waited a year to try again. The insurance people would no doubt take that better.

I'd guess you can get a second opinion, so long as there's reason to.

MAKE SURE THE PERSON WORKS IN THE AUTISM FIELD AND THUS KNOWS WHAT THEY'RE DOING, THO.

Go to a different doctor if you can. Even though this guy had a reputation of working with adult autism/aspergers, that doesn't mean he knows what he's doing or talking about. It just means other people think he does. The diagnostic criteria does not state that you don't or can't make friends/boyfriends or have a relationship. It says there are deficits in developing, maintaining, and understanding relationships. Obviously this guy didn't spend enough time getting to know you or your significant other. Having a relationship does not exclude you from the criteria. How you function or how your partner is required to compensate for your deficits can speak to meeting the criteria.

It sounds like the first thing you have to deal with at this point is your depression and anxiety. If possible, find a therapist to help you with that. If they are good and you feel you trust their judgement and compassion, suggest they read up on Aspergers and autism. I would suggest Tony Atwood's books as they deal with a less stereotyped description of autism and detail particularly well the experience and manifestation of aspergers in women (and how it differs from its display in men). Whether you have a diagnosis or not, the depression and anxiety will be things that you will have to deal with. You also could ask about getting services that teach you about social skills (regardless of whether you have an autism diagnosis).

Second that advice, ask for help with the anxiety and depression you are suffering from and emphasize maybe that a specialist who understands less typical ways of thinking because you are dyslexic may be helpful. Then you hopefully can get some help without having to focus so much on diagnosis. And ASD or not, dyslexia is itself not quite part of being neurotypical to a lot of people.

I think it may be easier to be evaluated in an effective way for ASD when the evaluator is not distracted with wondering whether they are seeing anxiety or depression, as hard as not knowing obviously is for you, you may be better off seeking reevaluation in the future. Just my thoughts for what they might be worth.

Thank you for your advice.

I can't afford private counselling and I really don't want to have to ask my parents to fund it because me and my father don't get along very well and used to use money as a way to try and blackmail me basically. The NHS have not been too helpful as far as my mental health goes. I was referred for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy by my GP (not the old GP as I have moved since then) in September and I'm not due my first appointment for another week now! Waiting lists are so long. I will consider going private after my CBT has finished if I feel it would benefit me as I highly doubt the NHS will offer me much more after. I attempted suicide in June and was discharged the next morning without any recommendation of follow-up/treatment or anything. At the time I was on a lower dose of my SSRI but left to my own devices pretty much.

I also am on an SSRI and beta-blockers but I'm going to ask for diazepam soon because that's the only thing I've took that seems to really help the anxiety (took some of my parents' in the past). I have been stuck in the system with my depression and anxiety since 2011 now. I do feel though that my social/communication difficulties and sensory difficulties are the underlying causes of at least part of my mental health problems which is partly why I feel diagnosis would be of benefit.

First thing CBT begins, I'd tell the therapist what you suspect, and go into detail on why.

This is the only person your doctor has sent you to, and the whole thing has to start somewhere.

Openly admit you've been told "No" already regarding autism, and explain why you feel that person was in error. (Include the fact that Autistics certainly CAN have relationships, albeit not as smoothly formed and maintained as those of NTs.)

See if the therapist can do anything for you and set something in motion.

Work with the tools that come you way.

Ok, I will try to summon the courage to do that. Thanks for your help and advice.