How can I learn to be happy alone?

Post Reply New Topic

I think I've finally broken today. I got a really cruel message from a woman with whom I'd been corresponding. We'd written back and forth, and I didn't hear from her in a few days..that and with a big winter storm we got, I sent her a quick, "Hey what's up? Are you snowed it too?" that sort of thing. She wrote back: "Your messages make want to punch you in the face. You[r] annoyance rattles my brain to no avail."

I've realized at that moment, that I'll never understand people. I'll never relate to them. I'll never be able to comprehend someone who can be so capriciously cruel. I've looked back at the whole of my attempt at dating, and what good has come of it. And I realize it's nothing. A lot of heartache. A lot of money spent on dinners and movie tickets that I could've spent on things like my baseball card collection...things I know will last and won't abandon me or insult me. Trying to find love and acceptance where there is none, only judgment and apathy.

I'm done with it all. To hell with love. To hell with companionship. To hell with people.

I need to find a way to learn to be content as I am. How I can I repress, and banish away these desires for love? How can I squeeze thoughts of women out of my head and focus simply on living a good, quiet life dedicated to that which I can control, that which I am good at?

OK, look at it this way.

On your own you can eat what you want, when you want and in the quantities you like. The same goes for drink. You always get exactly the presents you want because you buy them and there's never a problem searching for that ideal birthday or Christmas card because you don't buy any. You can put something down in your apartment and it will still be there the next day, rather than have someone clean up and lose all your stuff. You can watch what you want on the TV and if you choose to watch all twelve Star Trek movies, one after the other, then this isn't an issue. Being on your own can be a good thing.

However.......................................

This is NOT an excuse to wall yourself up in your little cave surviving on a diet of fast food. Find some excuse that gets you out of the house and mixing with people at least twice a week. It might be a gym, a local bar, or even a local club that caters to a particular interest. As you seem to want to banish all thoughts of the opposite sex I can recommend the local Martial Arts dojo, because the first time your concentration lapses you're gonna get hurt, so paying attention is a good thing here.

Broken? Not a bit, you've just hit a speed bump on the road of life. Just check your suspension then move on.

Eccles

Luckily I've got the exercise down pat. 8 miles of running a day. I interact with my coworkers daily.

I'm done wasting time and money on dating though. Love is a fool's errand. I'm going to just focus on what I can't control. And if someone should come along, they're going to have to meet my standards for once, or they can take a hike. I'm through with women.

I dont really know. After a really bad brake up of an boyfriend, I simply accepted to be not the kind of girl, a man wants for an relationship. Simply focused on stuff I liked, playing pen and paper rolegames, comics, books, videogames, ...

Go for your hobbies and the stuff that makes you happy.

Women aren't a hivemind, man. Keep exercising and keep trying.

Yeah I know women aren't all the same. It's just that I'm done wasting time on them is all. If there is someone out there for me, I'm just no longer willing to continue with the search. I'd rather spend my time and my money on things within my control, things that make me happy, that I know won't abandon or hurt me.

Something I am considering : getting a cat!

Probably the best friend you can get.

Clearly there was a lesson to be learned here and that lesson is that you are unlovable..........

See you in a few weeks when you make several other threads for the next girl........

Could it be, that you have in general problems with taking "disappointments" (Sorry, bad english.) at all. I do understand grieving for a pet, so whenever I lost one, i was absolutely sad. One of my cats that dies, was born in my house by an wildcat, I never had a cat, that got so in contact with us, as this one that lived with us since her first day. She sadly died out of an closed "digestive-tube". I am absolutely sad about it, and she was worth as much as any human friend to me. But to decide, that out of that experience, I should denie myself forever, to have a friend in my life again, because of them being able to die as well, simply does not make sense.

Enjoy the time you can enjoy, grieve when somethings end, but dont denie yourself to enjoy time again.

When it was about my issues about relationship, I did not let my grieve about it, disturb me having a nice time with other boys. There is nothing bad about it. I simply did not engage in relationships anymore, but that did not disturb being friends to them or spending time with others. And the cat I mentioned will always be a very special one for me, because of her being so close to me. Still the cat that went here a year later, manages to make me happy. Its not about replacing someone, but finding an additional place in your heart.

I wish I could learn to be happy alone, but I know what a nearly perfect relationship is like, so I keep wanting that again. Unfortunately, since I'll quite likely never be satisfied with anyone who is not essentially a clone of my late fiance, the chances of me ever finding it is slim to none.

It probably is a good time to take time for yourself, develop yourself as a person. Aspies are purported to mature later in life than NTs, so it is not unusual for an Aspie (especially a male Aspie) to marry for the first time relatively late in life. By that time, the women will be more mature, as well, and less likely to treat other people as badly as young women seem inclined to.