loss

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What is best way to cope with loss of a gay partner after 21 years?

If any of us had the definitive answer to that question, we'd be enormously wealthy.

The simple answer is that there is no best way. Everyone grieves in different ways, and grief is shaped differently, depending upon how the loss has come about. The death of a partner is different from a breakdown of the relationship. A death or breakdown that has been a long time coming is different that one that comes out of the blue.

Some of us are more resilient than others; others of us have never had to confront loss until an event like this takes us unaware in our forties.

But there are some universal truths: it's better to talk about it that not. Find a friend--either in real life or online, and start to talk about your feelings. Recognize grieving for what it is, and allow it to happen. Seek help from those who can offer it--if only a shoulder to cry on and a sympathetic ear in which to vent.

I lost my partner (I am lesbian just so you don't have to check) after 12 years. What I did was cried for 2 years even though I was in therapy the whole time. The crying helps & the therapy also. Now I do volunteer work to get outside myself.

It is 10 years later and I have not found someone to replace her. Dating has been hard my entire life and finding her was fantastic.

May I say the best way to deal with such a loss is to actually DEAL with it? What I mean is, to not live via denial. Grief is often described as coming in waves -- It's like living through physical pain. The best way to 'deal' with it is to go ahead and let it wash over you (rather than fighting against it). Deliberately make 'space' and time for yourself to live through it, don't allow others to dictate when you 'should' be done with grieving, and please, please accept my condolences.