Confused about my gender identity/sexuality

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droppy
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09 Feb 2014, 9:57 am

Ever since I hit puberty I'm having really weird issues with my gender identity and sexuality; I had them before as well but in my teens they have got worse and worse.
-I don't identify with either gender but if I had to choose between being a female or male with no other option I'd choose to be a male. At times I even wish I had a penis but it's not to feel more masculine; it's for another reason I'll explain later.
-my sexuality has had swings during my life. There were times when I was only attracted towards people of the same gender, other times towards both genders, other times towards neither gender and other times towards the opposite gender. It's been a few years that I am almost exclusively attracted towards guys with very little attraction towards girls and I think this is my true sexuality.
-I think I can feel attraction that is merely romantic towards both genders equally. Notice: romantic attraction, not physical/sexual.
-as I wrote in point 2 I am almost exclusively attracted (in a physical way) towards guys. Yet I don't like the idea of having sex with a guy as a female. It wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have a vagina though. I am still a virgin and I think penetration might be very painful for me. The idea of something entering me scares me as hell, dunno, maybe it's just because I am still a virgin and when I won't be one anymore it will be different. Anyway, this is the reason why at times I wish I had a penis.

So, what do I dentify as? Do I even identify as something? Maybe an agender heterosexual? Dunno. Maybe it's just that I'm in my teens?
I would like to know what you think. I hope I haven't written anything weird/gross.



Heidi80
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09 Feb 2014, 11:45 am

You're still a teenager, you'll have plenty of time to figure this out. There are actually quite many people on the spectrum who don't do the bi-gender heterosexuality. You don't have to label yourself, just find out what you're comfortable with.



plant14
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11 Feb 2014, 4:47 pm

Don't forget bisexuality is an orientation and a pretty broad one at that.

It took me like 7 years to figure out my sexual orientation, and very few people mentioned bisexuality, and when I mentioned it, people would say I didn't quality for some reason or another (identity policing), but I eventually figured out it was the best fit.

Or you could just go with "queer"!

:D :D :D



ShenLong
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14 Feb 2014, 11:08 am

Because you're a teenager right now, I'd suggest waiting it out a little because that's definitely a difficult time for many ppl with regards to their sexual and even their gender identity. It's certainly comfortable applying labels to yourself for the sake of knowing that other ppl have experienced what you experience, but don't rush to apply labels at least right now.

I myself basically dropped specific labels in favor of identifying as queer because my true romantic identity and sexual identity are either hazy or to obtuse to communicate to other people.



Atomsk
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16 Feb 2014, 6:52 pm

droppy wrote:
-I don't identify with either gender but if I had to choose between being a female or male with no other option I'd choose to be a male. At times I even wish I had a penis but it's not to feel more masculine; it's for another reason I'll explain later.


If you imagine yourself being seen by everyone as a male, with all the male features you'd like, does that notion seem really appealing to you, as if it's the right thing?

Does looking at yourself in the mirror, and seeing your female features cause you to feel bad about your looks? Do your body's female features cause you any depression, sadness, grief, etc.?

Read some about female to male transsexuals, or just transgender people in general. If you identify a lot with what they have to say, you might be transgender. There are also many people who see themselves as androgynous, between genders, or anywhere along the gender spectrum.

droppy wrote:
-my sexuality has had swings during my life. There were times when I was only attracted towards people of the same gender, other times towards both genders, other times towards neither gender and other times towards the opposite gender. It's been a few years that I am almost exclusively attracted towards guys with very little attraction towards girls and I think this is my true sexuality.


Ones sexuality does not really have anything to do with their gender identity. There are cisgendered individuals who are straight, gay, lesbian, bi, asexual, pansexual, etc. Same deal for transgendered people.

Also, for many people sexuality does tend to shift a bit. I know it did for me in my late teens and early 20's. Now it feels mostly stabilized. Bi with a heavy leaning towards women (so mostly lesbian). I mostly find only women to be attractive to me, but on rare occasions I'll see a guy and find him really attractive. It's mostly guys with a really specific look, body shape, voice, etc., and they don't seem to be very common at all. I've also only ever slept with women.

droppy wrote:
So, what do I dentify as? Do I even identify as something? Maybe an agender heterosexual? Dunno. Maybe it's just that I'm in my teens?


There is really no need to identify yourself as anything, other than yourself. There is no need to label yourself for others. I am lesbian, MtF transgender, autistic, and many other things, but I rarely ever talk about all of that to people, except online. People noticed when I started transitioning and started hormones and all that, but I just went around like it's no big deal and didn't talk about it at all unless I was asked a question. Now I pass and people who didn't know me before just assume I'm female.

Your sexuality and gender identity are nobody's business but your own. Furthermore, labels are often just confusing.



Dragoness
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17 Feb 2014, 11:51 am

I largely agree with everyone else here. In my opinion, if labels are helpful in defining who you are, then go ahead. If the labels don't help, don't worry about them.



Latinist
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19 Feb 2014, 10:36 am

@Droppy:
I can relate to most of the things you say.
I am physically a woman, but I feel like having a neutral or more masculine way of thinking - soul if you wish. Biological sex has never been that important to me.
My sexuality also changes, sometimes I was more attracted to men, sometimes to women. Generally, I think I would be more comfortable around women, but I don't have the experience, so can't really say.
Relationships with men went quite bad, made me very anxious especially, about the sexual part of it. Please note that I have nothing against men in general, which sometimes people presuppose when I tell them about this.
Right now I'm 24 and still confused about whether I am gay, straight or bisexual, or perhaps asexual - but it doesn't really matter. I think the label 'queer' helps because it merely tells that I don't feel like most heterosexual people. Other labels can be very confusing indeed.



DoubleCatrin
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19 Feb 2014, 1:53 pm

droppy wrote:
Yet I don't like the idea of having sex with a guy as a female.....


I so get what you say here ...
well people are scared of unknown ...
you could dislike the idea because of pain or you could dislike it just to be in the position of a female .. :/
I came to the conclusion that pain is a part of a woman's life :|.. is it not?(ex: period ... birth.. )

don't think pain will just vanish after... but then again every body is different so you might as well have a great tolerance to pain or what not 8O


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andrethemoogle
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22 Feb 2014, 3:07 am

I sometimes have trouble with mine. I am a male, but at times I feel like a female and generally always play as a female character when given the option in games.



droppy
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22 Feb 2014, 6:28 am

Thanks for the replies of you all. It's been a few days and I'm answering late but I haven't been on here that much lately.

Quote:
If you imagine yourself being seen by everyone as a male, with all the male features you'd like, does that notion seem really appealing to you, as if it's the right thing?

Pretty much.


Quote:
Does looking at yourself in the mirror, and seeing your female features cause you to feel bad about your looks? Do your body's female features cause you any depression, sadness, grief, etc.?

Not really. My breasts are small and they don't bother me. I only wish I didn't have a vagina but that's because I fear penetration. Maybe it's just due to the fact that I'm a person that prefers to be dominant or because I am still a virgin and I fear penetration might hurt me. I have also thought about getting an histerectomy when I'll be lder but that's just because I have painful periods.