Do introverted aspies find it easier to fit in?

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Among the aspies I know, the more extroverted ones don't seem to fit in well. They do tend to seek out people, but people usually gossip about their weirdness and backstab them. One of them loves to post self-taken photos of herself on Facebook, which is a very NT thing, but people will laugh and crack snide jokes at her expense.

The more introverted aspies I know, on the other hand, despite being social misfits who hardly speak up, don't seem to rouse so much hatred and backstabbing. People forget them but they don't seem to have real enemies as such. A few rare people even find their nerdiness cool.

People find these extroverted aspies annoying, but the introverted ones can be called "nice," or "quiet," but otherwise they don't get attention.

Curiously I have a better relationship with the introverted aspies. When I help them they are more likely to help me in return. They also seem more willing to hear other people's views, and seem less full of themselves and less aggressive than the extroverted aspies. Perhaps those I've encountered are a minority.

Susan Cain's book on introversion says that extroversion is a more popular trait (it is certainly more attractive), but in aspies it appears to be the reverse.

What do people define as extroverted and introverted exactly because I don't fit either definition (as used by yourself) all that well.

I find social interaction difficult and I find making chit chat difficult (I will often remain quiet for that reason) and I need alone time to recharge but I do seek out social contact at times (in certain ways particularly in regards to finding a mate or sexual partner), will openly post photos of myself and blog (I used to love creating blogs...doing the design and layout side of it...but people complained about my having too many in the same way I used to like coming up with new screen names and sill videos because I find it fun to film them sometimes...people complained about that too...I miss doing videos and blogs but people get so mean about them when they were just meant to be a bit of creative fun meant in a light hearted manner or an exploration of a new way of trying to communicate or a way of exploring a line of thought which everyone then thinks you must believe because you wrote it down...Um I was exploring....) and so on.

It is impossible to learn sometimes when other people are around, an exploration of a line of thought is not the same as having a belief in that particular line of thought, eesh.

People have such odd reactions to things...I really don't understand them at all. I told this to my therapist...people are hellishly confusing! I am sometimes confounded, absolutely confounded, as to how in the hell I am ever supposed to be able to communicate with them in a way that we can understand each other. This makes socialising almost impossible!! !! !! ! Gah!

So does that make me introverted or extroverted?

When I do seek out social contact it goes horribly wrong anyway, but still I will seek it out all the same, especially once I get over the last disaster. Yet at the same time I can be quiet and reserved mostly because I don't really know what I should be doing...what to say, how to start a conversation, how to approach a group....is that social anxiety or ASD or introversion or Extroversion...?

Are people really one or the other or can they be a strange mixture.

Last edited by bumble on 10 Feb 2014, 3:47 am, edited 2 times in total.

It would suck to be as socially ret*d as I am and extroverted.

Social awkwardness can be endearing to those individuals who are not overly judgmental and narrow minded. I personally find it cute and rather sexy in males and feel protective towards socially awkward females (i think socially awkward people come across as sweet in their own way) but not in regards to any difficulties my own social awkwardness causes me as it kills any chance of a social life stone dead. Why? Because other people don't find social awkwardness endearing in the same way that I do...they are mean about it. So whilst I am ok with myself even with my social inadequacies I also realise that the world is not alright with me and will probably torture me for the rest of my life because of it's own harsh narrow minded ignorance.

I would too conclude that being extroverted and socially awkward would suck in today's society.

whether theyre aspie,autie or not on the spectrum;extroverts will always have more people who dislike them as they seek out others and socialise with a wider group of people-so thats more chances to piss off people.

Having gone to school for so long with asd kids, i have to agree with this.
There were some kids who did not understand personal space or voice volume
and would talk peoples ears off. I remember I was on a public bus once with a kid like
that, who was going on and on to me about a movie, and i could tell everyone on was
bothered by it.

I know i fit in a lot better with my friend's friends because i am quiet. If i was really
verbal, it would not work out. Funny enough, i do get that way with my cousin who is
about the only person who can understand what sounds like gibberish to most when
i get excited and start nattering away. He usually puts his hand over my mouth to shut me up

I've tried being extroverted and I made such a fool of myself that there's no way I would try it again. Strange, because I've always thought of Aspies as the introverted shy type (me included).

Don't know about all introverted Aspies but I know I find it kinda hard at times, particularly when there's a crowd of people I know and I just kinda sit there and mind my own business.

Introverted may be easier, but the ones who aren't afraid to be themselves seem to have an easier time.

I think its a bit easier, if you are introverted and dont have that much of an need to socialize.

I read these tons of stories, trying by all means whyever, to get into an relationship, even when acutally not even knowing a person therefore. I dont even understand the need for an relationship with an non existing being, so I cant be in love with "noone", so I cant as well feel a need to be in an relationship with "noone". I tested it, when that topic started around my peers during teenager years, failed horribly, so could not fulfill my boyfriends expectations, in the end those relationships were more a burden to me, and so decided to end that topic, without feeling bad about it.

Same goes for topics like "My coworker made a party, and invited all other coworkers, only I was excluded." My reactions would be "Thanks god, I dont need to go there, and can do instead something nice." XD

As well that people or groups do not really need to reject me, because of me having anyway not really a need to be part of groups, ... I think it makes people as well more relaxed about contact with me, so they know that having contact with me, will not actually lead to me getting clingy or whatever.

Actually I think, if I was extroverted and got rejected all the time, by people that I wanted to socialize with, it would really suck.

Depending on the situation, I can be introverted or extroverted. When I'm extroverted I respect personal space and all that (because I hate touching people and I hate when they touch me), the only different between when I'm introverted and extroverted is I just talk and laugh more when I'm extroverted. Otherwise, I'm selectively mute or just really shy in social settings. But I can see that extroverted people who talk too much and disrespect personal space can be annoying. I know a NT girl who is always touching me and calling me "babe" and talks and laughs really loud, and it really annoys me.

As I understand it, extroverts gain energy from being around people, whereas introverts lose energy around people, and need alone time to recharge. So I'd guess you're an introvert?

I'm grateful to be an extreme introvert, and that my inability to socialize just doesn't matter to me.

I can "fit in" easier when around a small group of people, like 5 or 6 at most. Less stress for me and I don't get overwhelmed by huge numbers or lost in the crowd.

I'm intorverted. I wouldn't say I fit in better. People call me "inoffensive" mostly because I am quiet. But no body remembers to invite me anywhere. I certainly don't annoy people the way extroverts with no social skills seem to do. They seem to keep getting in people's space when people don't want them there. I stay out of their way.

I don't know for sure. Based on my support/social skills group, it seems like the more extroverted aspies/auties have a lot more friends and successful normal life experiences (like dating and working) than those of us who are introverted. So it seems like they fit in more to me but they also have more "drama" to deal with because they are more social and deal with more people. However, the extroverted people in my group also seem to be good at faking NT, so maybe extroverted people who are less good at acting might have a harder time with bullying and stuff than introverted people who just stay quiet and get ignored and overlooked.

I think they both have their challenges and I don't think one or the other is necessarily easier.

Introverts do seek social stimulation, but less often than extroverts do. What differentiates an Aspie is the awkwardness, though many introverts are awkward.

Introvert Aspies do seek social contact off and on, just as NT introverts do. Personally speaking, I am an introvert. I enjoy being alone most of the time, I dislike crowds, and find large groups boring/threatening. I don't really feel lonely being alone, unless I compare my situation to that of others, and then I feel envious they have friends to be with. Without that comparison I am quite contented. Those days I wished to do as others did, because they seemed to enjoy it, only to find out I didn't enjoy it at all.

My need for friends is small. I only feel the need to socialise because I realise society expects me to, and finds my introversion/isolation weird, not because I particularly desire to befriend people - something many introverts also experience.

At the same time I have extroverted traits. With people I am extremely comfortable with, I love to crack jokes - and usually these people get my jokes - and gossip with, and share my thoughts. My needs are similar to many introverted NTs - except with me, social awkwardness, nervousness and unlikeability cripple me.