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hyena
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18 Feb 2014, 11:15 am

Are you ever bothered with greeting some people?
I sometimes end up greeting people I have never had a serious conversation with in years, just so that they aren't offended. Oh how horrid this is. What use could it possibly be to say "hi" to someone for years when clearly neither side has any interest in getting closer. Yet if you do not do it they are offended. So you end up avoiding them and taking the other path whenever you see them. Sometimes neither side wants to greet the other but they unexpectedly come face to face and it is like they have no choice. This in one of the major reasons I do not like talking to strangers. The conversation may go nowhere, and I will have to greet them indefinitely. I wish we could just do away with the whole concept of greeting and talk to people when we have something useful to say. This is dishonest and useless. Please make it stop.



BirdInFlight
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18 Feb 2014, 11:51 am

Although I "conform" a bit more now, I've had a lifelong discomfort with greetings also. When I was young I felt like "Good morning" was weird and it felt forced when I started my first job and found that it was the done thing for everyone to say "Good morning!" to everyone else or it would be rude not to. I'm not sure we even did that in my family's house, although I'm not sure what exactly we said instead.

And I have no idea why it felt so awkward to me. It just seemed like a social convention that seemed forced and odd to me. Now in middle age of course I've had a lifetime of just getting on with saying those greetings anyway, but I still feel weird with "Hi, how are you?" and it took me until I was about 45 years old to learn that the question is not literal and I'm supposed to give some bullshit answer!

Greetings ARE weird and fake-ish. But I guess it's just what one must do so as not to appear rude. I totally get where you're coming from though.



hyena
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18 Feb 2014, 12:03 pm

I do it too but it is annoying and I think my greetings are faker than most peoples'. Pretending wears me out.



coffeebean
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18 Feb 2014, 12:16 pm

I like it. It's much better than being of no value to someone I want to talk about their special interest.



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18 Feb 2014, 12:34 pm

I might struggle with small talk and gossip, but I think friendly greetings are important, even if you're simply acknowledging that there's another human sharing your space.



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18 Feb 2014, 12:41 pm

I like and even prefer simple nods & smiles of acknowledgement and a short "hi" in passing.

What I am not fond of is the "let's stand here and fumble through a bit of conversation".



Eccles_the_Mighty
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18 Feb 2014, 12:57 pm

One thing I've never been able to master are those greetings that (maybe) you're supposed to do on a regular basis. It's one thing to meet someone for the first time but if you pass a colleague on the corridor at work who you see many times a day what are you supposed to do?

a) Ignore them, just look straight ahead and keep going?

b) Say hi, again and again?

c) Some sort of brief acknowledgement such as a brief nod of the head each time you pass?

Or maybe something else?


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hyena
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18 Feb 2014, 1:28 pm

I prefer small talk to greetings. When I make small talk others aren't offended, when I greet them sometimes my greetings aren't good enough for them. Well, excuse me, your eminence!

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Pobbles, I like your avatar!



Max000
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18 Feb 2014, 1:38 pm

I keep greetings short, and I don't wait for a response.

Hey, wassup? Bye.



Marky9
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18 Feb 2014, 3:39 pm

Eccles_the_Mighty wrote:
a) Ignore them, just look straight ahead and keep going?
c) Some sort of brief acknowledgement such as a brief nod of the head each time you pass?


I have also experienced uncertainty about recurring hallway greetings. They most often arise in the vicinity of elevators, restrooms, and water coolers.

What have settled on is a combination of the above two. Which ones depends on how rushed the other person seems to be, and whether they offer I contact.

When I am waiting for an elevator and someone approaches that I really don't want to chat with, I whip out the smartphone and suddenly become engrossed in reading the BBC News app. :)

I wonder if NT's have to jump through so many mental hoops just to manage the social aspects of walking down a corridor. :wink:


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18 Feb 2014, 4:31 pm

BirdInFlight wrote:
Although I "conform" a bit more now, I've had a lifelong discomfort with greetings also. When I was young I felt like "Good morning" was weird and it felt forced when I started my first job and found that it was the done thing for everyone to say "Good morning!" to everyone else or it would be rude not to.


Really hate the "good morning" routine. we see each other everyday, why the need for a special greeting?
Had to sit at a table once near an entrance to a special event, and every person who walked past me had to say "good morning". Was ready to claw my face off.



Janissy
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18 Feb 2014, 4:45 pm

Eccles_the_Mighty wrote:
One thing I've never been able to master are those greetings that (maybe) you're supposed to do on a regular basis. It's one thing to meet someone for the first time but if you pass a colleague on the corridor at work who you see many times a day what are you supposed to do?

a) Ignore them, just look straight ahead and keep going?

b) Say hi, again and again?

c) Some sort of brief acknowledgement such as a brief nod of the head each time you pass?

Or maybe something else?


The brief nod for subsequent meetings is the accepted way, at least in the U.S.



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18 Feb 2014, 4:59 pm

Marky9 wrote:
I have also experienced uncertainty about recurring hallway greetings. They most often arise in the vicinity of elevators, restrooms, and water coolers.

What have settled on is a combination of the above two. Which ones depends on how rushed the other person seems to be, and whether they offer I contact.

When I am waiting for an elevator and someone approaches that I really don't want to chat with, I whip out the smartphone and suddenly become engrossed in reading the BBC News app. :)

I wonder if NT's have to jump through so many mental hoops just to manage the social aspects of walking down a corridor. :wink:


I totally get that. I think I need to improve in this area as I don't greet people when I should. I never know if I should or not, and tend to err on the side of caution.

Also I have to go through a lot of doors to get to my office. If I'm following someone and they hold the door open for me, I'll thank them the first time but if they hold two or three doors open for me, should I thank them each time or is it OK to only thank them once. Usually I say "thank you" the first time, "thanks" the second time, "cheers" the third time. I'm sure NTs don't worry like that!



Marky9
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18 Feb 2014, 5:05 pm

EzraS wrote:
Really hate the "good morning" routine. we see each other everyday, why the need for a special greeting


The office "good morning" routine drives me nuts also. I mean, I just saw these people about 12 hours before, why go through the big good morning thing? What the heck could have meaningfully happened since we last saw each other? Geez. :roll:



BirdInFlight
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18 Feb 2014, 7:18 pm

Marky9 wrote:
EzraS wrote:
Really hate the "good morning" routine. we see each other everyday, why the need for a special greeting


The office "good morning" routine drives me nuts also. I mean, I just saw these people about 12 hours before, why go through the big good morning thing? What the heck could have meaningfully happened since we last saw each other? Geez. :roll:


Exactly! I always felt weird feeling this way about it, but I'm glad I'm not the only one.


.



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19 Feb 2014, 12:21 am

Yeah I never understood why people continually greet each other when they see each other on a regular basis. I think if I go a month or more without seeing someone it makes sense to have a greeting. But when you see someone every day, or when it is a family member or friend you have known for years and see pretty regularly it is just weird to have to go through this routine over and over again. When people ask how I'm doing I feel like saying, the same as I was last time you asked me.