Advice For me Please

Post Reply New Topic

Hello, My name Is taven and i do not suffer from aspergers but my friend online does, Over time i have realised russle (my friend) goes after very pretty girls but his pysical appearence isnt that to match many others sadly, I am aware that looks are a small percentage in looking for somebody to love but the girls he is going for wil normally go for very fit young lads, NOT russle, they are just taking him for a ride basically, but he keeps going back to them, he has told me about obsessions and what fourth, but he tells me he needs a girl that is attractive or the relationship wont work, i really really do not understand this, somebody of his appearence should know not to judge others by it and going for pretty girls has got him nowhere. I keep telling him that he should look at a girls personality and if they have the same interests but he still goes for the pretty girl type. what can i do to make him see sense?

all advice/replys welcome and appreciated!

I'm not Russle, but if I were to spend a lot of time around someone, I wouldn't want to cringe in disgust everytime I look at them, no matter how beautiful they are on the inside. I'm guesing that Russle is the same. I tend to see more outer beauty in people once I've discovered their inner beauty, if they have any, that is. So if he finds someone who he thinks looks good, but not perhaps as good as he'd like, tell him that he should try and get to know the person and they might grow on him after a while.

Hope that helps at least a bit, but I'm no good at this stuff, so you probably shouldn't listen to me.

ah its ok thanks for the reply! however im not saying he should go for somebody ugly, maybe just a normal girl you know?

I have seen this in a lot of males.I was never sure if it was an inaccurate self perception(the same as some one who thinks they are fat or ugly when they are not...ie...body dismorphic disorder, or some thing else).The bottom line is that you can not "pick" who you are attracted for but if you only like cheerleaders you have to choices....be as attractive as they are or as wealthy as Bill Gates....you can not buy love but you can rent attention from beautiful people who can fake it well enough to fool most folks.There is another option....get used to being very lonely.

thanks for the commen, well i don thin he is going to get any more attractive than he already is! but he is a smart guy and may do well in his carrer, however he is looking for love, i dont know if he would be happy with renting a beautiful girl, it doesnt mean many options open for him as you have stated. thanks again

How do i close the topic? i have ceased my friendship with this guy as he is just impossible

one more question, are people with this condition easy to manipulate and are they gullabull?

no

i dont mean to cause offense, but my Ex friend seemed very easy to manipulate. are you saying no as you are offended?

Maybe, maybe not. It depends on the individual.
I'd say from personal experience that Aspies are far less gullible than the average human. I had to go through social hardships such that I am very suspicious of the motives of others.
However, I find it hard to speak for other Aspies. Nonetheless, I'd afree with Alex. No, we are not gullible.
To be honest, that question in this thread sort of creeps me out... makes me wonder what you're planning to do that this information will benefit.



You probably should have stated this up front; it would have made yourself better understood.

As well...
I've noticed that you seem to think that Aspergers' is almost like a disease:
"people with this condition..."
"suffers from Aspergers..."
Aspergers' isn't a disease. It's more of a way of life, or a different set of eyes to the world, if you ask me.

Last edited by aleclair on 13 Feb 2007, 7:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm not planning to do anything we no longer speak, and he always used to say it was a condition so that is how i see it.

I can only speak for my understanding of AS but it seems implicit in not understanding non-verbal communication that many people with AS would be more vulnerable to abuse.I dont find this offensive any more then someone saying that I wasnt born understanding French and being more confused in a French dominated culture.I was manipulated a lot as a teenager because I really wanted people to like me and didnt lie myself,so didnt realize how much others did it.Then I went to the other extream,becoming paranoid about being used because I still couldnt tell when someone was "playing" me.It sucked because I would WANT to believe them so I would still put myself in positions of vulnerability BUT,once I was in a relationship I would never fully believe the person liked me and drive them nuts with my self doubts...I really dont know if that is AS or something else to do with my personal psychology.

Sorry things didnt work out with your AS friend.I know we can be very frustrating for NT's to understand and at time tolerate.Some of the characteristics you found unbearable may have been AS,something unrelated or a "co-morbid" of AS...like anxiety,depression,paranoia.All of the later are not caused by AS but by having AS and not learning positive adaptive skills.Another thing to keep in mind is that AS is "spectrum".some are better at picking up social ques and start higher functioning to begin with others are lower on the spectrum and maybe effected by negative factors in their environment(family or peer abuse,learning difficulties,etc)

I can relate.... I grew out of that, however.

Taven...
While the people on this board can't control what you do with what gets posted here, keep this in mind.
The gap between NT and aspie perception is mutual. This is evidenced by your assertion (if true) that you no longer speak to him. You're just one more guy that didn't "get him". As a consequence, you can't predict how he might respond if you do something malicious to him. He might do something worse to you. Best let it rest...

Think twice before hitting the blind kid. He might kick your a$$.H

I don't think aspies are the only ones who do this. I know plenty of NT males that are like this too. It almost seems like the uglier they are the higher their expectations. I also notice that as people get older their expectations tend to go up even though their attractiveness is heading down. Talk to some single 50-something men and you'll see what I mean.