Page 1 of 2 [ 20 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

RandomObject
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 16 Mar 2013
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 46

23 Feb 2014, 11:18 pm

Well, I don't really know how to articulate this properly, but I'll try. When I'm around people I'm not comfortable around (basically everyone), a few things happen. I'll get very self-conscious, I'll become very stiff in my motions which probably making me look like an idiot, and I have a different (serious?) voice. And the main problem, perhaps stemming from the previous ones, is that I don't know how to fit in with people. Yesterday I had my first event with a Star Wars costuming group I'm in. We were in a Mardi Gras parade. I was the new one and most people didn't know me except from our website so some of them knew my name and face. Some of them talked to me and I had a decent chat with them, but some didn't say anything to me and the ones I did talk to me as much as they did the others. So I was kind of the odd one out. How do you become friendly with people? I try, but I can never do it. I just don't understand how these things work. It's so foreign to me.

And another related issue I have is acquaintances. It's relatively easy to make an acquaintance with someone. It usually happens for me when someone initiates conversation with me because I never initiate it. But how do you make these people friends? It seems awkward to ask them to do something with me because why would anyone want to be bothered with me when they already have friends. And besides, if they wanted to be friends, they could ask me to do something. I'm probably too awkward anyway for most people to want to befriend me.

I know all of this sounds bad, but I am much better than I was in the past. At least now I can carry on a conversation with strangers, but I still can't initiate. Before, I would only answer their questions and give lots of one word answers and whenever anyone talked to me it was like they were interviewing me. it was completely one-way lol. And i'm not *as* uncomfortable as I used to be, although still not nearly where I need to be. Not to mention I'd never dream of joining a costume group much less walk in a parade with thousands of people watching. So there is hope for me!

Thanks for reading and hopefully some of you can relate and tell me how you get by.



Dillogic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Nov 2011
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,835
Location: Valproate Street and Thorazine Lane

24 Feb 2014, 1:02 am

Just dress up as a protocol droid and have at it.

(Though a robot technically can't be self-conscious.)



Dreycrux
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jan 2013
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 552

24 Feb 2014, 1:54 am

Dillogic wrote:
Just dress up as a protocol droid and have at it.

(Though a robot technically can't be self-conscious.)


haha best reply ever


_________________
In order to prevent being blasted into the stone age by an asteroid we better start colonizing space as soon as possible.

Just look at the dinosaurs, they died out because they didn't have a space program.


RandomObject
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 16 Mar 2013
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 46

24 Feb 2014, 8:08 am

Dillogic wrote:
Just dress up as a protocol droid and have at it.

(Though a robot technically can't be self-conscious.)


Now that's an idea! Now I just need to learn 6 million languages.



micfranklin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Oct 2013
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,271
Location: Maryland

24 Feb 2014, 8:51 am

Dillogic wrote:
Just dress up as a protocol droid and have at it.

(Though a robot technically can't be self-conscious.)


This answer wins.

In other news I thought a picture of Daria would show up here.



RandomObject
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 16 Mar 2013
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 46

25 Feb 2014, 11:58 pm

Bump since I'm ignored here



EzraS
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Sep 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 26,935
Location: Twin Peaks

26 Feb 2014, 4:07 am

I sort of pretend I'm a robot like David in Prometheus.
Kinda makes it a little easier for me when around the humans.



IdleHands
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jun 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 198

26 Feb 2014, 7:50 am

RandomObject wrote:
Bump since I'm ignored here


Lulz maybe we are self centered. I am guilty of this too, but if you want to make friends avoid those types of comments.



RandomObject
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 16 Mar 2013
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 46

26 Feb 2014, 3:34 pm

IdleHands wrote:
RandomObject wrote:
Bump since I'm ignored here


Lulz maybe we are self centered. I am guilty of this too, but if you want to make friends avoid those types of comments.

?



RandomObject
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 16 Mar 2013
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 46

26 Feb 2014, 3:35 pm

EzraS wrote:
I sort of pretend I'm a robot like David in Prometheus.
Kinda makes it a little easier for me when around the humans.


I guess, but I am like that already and that's not how to be sociable.



RandomObject
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 16 Mar 2013
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 46

26 Feb 2014, 3:35 pm

EzraS wrote:
I sort of pretend I'm a robot like David in Prometheus.
Kinda makes it a little easier for me when around the humans.


I guess, but I am like that already and that's not how to be sociable.



Dr_Cheeba
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 7 Aug 2011
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 169
Location: Ontario, Canada

26 Feb 2014, 9:17 pm

I can relate to you... as I'm sure many of us can. Fitting in with people is and always will be the greatest battle of my life. I don't get it. I can fake social interactions to a certain extent but I can never understand how to form those connections with people. The story sharing, joke telling, playfulness... I enjoy listening and watching these interactions, I want them badly, but I simply can't grasp it.

That is why I will have a life full of acquaintances with few true friends. Which may seem sad to some people, but I enjoy my alone time. And I also need it to survive.


_________________
"If the lessons of history teach us anything it is that nobody learns the lessons that history teaches us."


UndeadToaster
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 25 Sep 2013
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Posts: 343

26 Feb 2014, 9:25 pm

Once someone is an acquaintance maybe initiate interaction with them when you get a chance and maybe eventually they'll ask you to do something with them and then you can do so in return. Or just learn to deal with having few real friends. At least you get along with people. That's where I seem to be...



DimiLouise
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2013
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 35

27 Feb 2014, 6:05 am

I've noticed that people like being asked to do things. It may seem like why would they want to spend time with you when they could do this or that. that is OUR logic not theirs. If someone wants to hang out with you they will appreciate your advance and if not then they will just make some excuse why they can't and that is your cue to know that they are not interested in making friends with you. I think this is one of the things that makes NTs intrigued by aspies. Is that we are direct and often not fake in our interactions. It may be uncomfortable at first but then it eases up as time passes. this is how friends are made in the world of the neurotypical from what i've observed.



RandomObject
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 16 Mar 2013
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 46

27 Feb 2014, 10:51 am

Thanks for the advice. It's just so hard to ask people to do things since I have this nagging feeling that I don't belong and that I should leave and stop bothering people.