Compromising or Goosestepping
26 Feb 2014, 12:46 pm
ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
cubedemon6073 wrote:
Adamantium and ASDmommy
Okay, I understand where you two are coming from. I did not know nor understand this until both of you explained. Really, its my pragmatic issues that struck again like a thief in the night and I did not even realize it. Really, I need to use another definition of the word compromise which means that sometimes I may have to give up my own desires and wants in a particular situation like the meeting example you gave ASDmommy.
The word compromise is used to soften certain blows about the power hierarchy which does exist. It is about being polite and displaying proper manners. It is more about regulating the emotions of the other person.
Am I at least on the right track now or am I still way off base?
Okay, I understand where you two are coming from. I did not know nor understand this until both of you explained. Really, its my pragmatic issues that struck again like a thief in the night and I did not even realize it. Really, I need to use another definition of the word compromise which means that sometimes I may have to give up my own desires and wants in a particular situation like the meeting example you gave ASDmommy.
The word compromise is used to soften certain blows about the power hierarchy which does exist. It is about being polite and displaying proper manners. It is more about regulating the emotions of the other person.
Am I at least on the right track now or am I still way off base?
Yes, there are many social things that work this way. It is why a polite boss will still say, "please" and ask you to do something rather than demand it . He/she will also say "thank you" despite the fact that he/she asked you do something that was not a choice. Politeness serves a social function of keeping resentment at bay, in this instance. People do not like power differentials to be thrown in their face. People do not like to feel powerless. The illusion of choice keeps this from being in the front of ones mind.
Even with kids; I will ask my son to do something (politely), using "please" and "thank you" even when it is not a choice. Part of it is to model polite behavior so he can replicate it, but also because I I don't need to emphasize the power differential. He knows who is in charge (most of the time) That is a card I choose not to play unless I need to, and when I do it is more of an aspie reminder than shoving my power in his face. Something like, "You know Mommy is in charge of this, right?" He doesn't get mad, because it is just a fact clarification, not me shoving my authority in his face. I only do it when he has decided to try to take over a project of mine or something.
I get what you're saying, Both of you have provided insight into more of how the world does work. One thing that I am coming to understand is that the actual working of the world does not always mesh with the theory. What is stated by Adam Smith does not always pan out in the actual working of the world or our portion of the world.
Besides pragmatics, I think this is where I get my wires crossed with society. What it comes down to is in the larger picture is he who owns the gold makes the rules.
26 Feb 2014, 12:54 pm
cubedemon6073 wrote:
I get what you're saying, Both of you have provided insight into more of how the world does work. One thing that I am coming to understand is that the actual working of the world does not always mesh with the theory. What is stated by Adam Smith does not always pan out in the actual working of the world or our portion of the world.
Besides pragmatics, I think this is where I get my wires crossed with society. What it comes down to is in the larger picture is he who owns the gold makes the rules.
And that is merely a slightly more modern variation of "might makes right." In real life theory and practice diverge a lot, and the issue for a lot of us is that the subtext can be more important than what is on the surface. If you cannot see the subtext, It is sometimes next to impossible to know what is going on.
