How do I be a nice person about this?

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leafplant
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28 Feb 2014, 3:03 pm

OK, so remember how I made an OKC profile or two so as to check on you guy's profiles and then ended up starting conversations with several people?

Anyway, one of those people who I thought might be a potential friend because of the shared special interests (this is my fault entirely, btw), I've moved onto email because I didn't want to keep logging into OKC and also I deleted my profile so it seemed sensible. We were only talking about very generic stuff anyway and the two special interests we both share. Anyway, I hadn't heard from this guy for a while and I just assumed he'd lost interest when he emails me yesterday and when I went to reply I realise that my response to him from the time before actually never got sent. So he sent me a message having not heard a response from me to his last message some ten days ago. Anyway, I did respond, very generic again and explained about the messaged that never seemed to have got through and got another response straight away and this time it was signed with an x after the name.

Normally, when women do this I don't even blink, because they just do this with everyone and it's not a sign of anything, but when guys do it, and unless they are openly gay or a really good friend or both (heh), I always assume it means romantic intentions.

So, now I am like.... EEEK. What do I do? I don't have any romantic interest in this guy although I'd love to get to know him as a friend but I've learned that guys (unless gay or happily married) are never interested in being just friends, so what do I do?

I don't want to be rude and fade (I understand some people find that very upsetting) but at the same time I don't want to hurt his feelings, he seems like a really nice chap.

Suggestions for how to handle this sensitively pretty please?



MadeUnderground
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28 Feb 2014, 3:17 pm

Maybe it was a typo?

I've never seen anyone do this x business that you speak of. At first I thought you meant he was pissed at you for replying so late and so he drew an X through your name lmao.

I wouldn't think too much into though. It could just be one of those ending signature things, like, "Love, so and so" which may mean a lot to some people but others it's just a polite way to show they care in a friendly way.

You know what? I don't know. I've never seen anyone use an x beside their name. If someone did, I wouldn't know wtf it meant and assumed it was a mistake and go on about my life.

It's good to see you around again. You were missed. I was afraid you tripped and got sucked into the black abyss called the real world.



leafplant
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28 Feb 2014, 3:22 pm

MadeUnderground wrote:
Maybe it was a typo?

I've never seen anyone do this x business that you speak of.

I want to live in your world! For serious! lol.. that x has been the scourge of my life. Do you put one, how many? etc etc. So is it just a UK thing then? Hmmm

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It's good to see you around again. You were missed. I was afraid you tripped and got sucked into the black abyss called the real world.


aww thank you! and also lol, I think I did do that tripping thing brrr

Btw, the place I am at, they are running a summer school and one of the units is about autism. I am wondering if I should go and see what sort of thing they are preaching..it's in July. dunno.. what do you think?







[way to derail your own thread, self]



ezbzbfcg2
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28 Feb 2014, 3:37 pm

leafplant wrote:
I want to live in your world! For serious! lol.. that x has been the scourge of my life. Do you put one, how many? etc etc. So is it just a UK thing then? Hmmm


In the United States, the common practice would be to write XOXOXO, meaning hugs and kisses. It's never done with just an X, as an X by itself could (theoretically) connotate a signature. (i.e. "put you X on the line")

Anyway, what else did the message say? You could use the response itself to try to deduce meaning from the X. Perhaps he put the X as a way of saying, "no worries, I understand now that you weren't ignoring me and all is fine."



leafplant
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28 Feb 2014, 3:44 pm

ezbzbfcg2 wrote:
leafplant wrote:
I want to live in your world! For serious! lol.. that x has been the scourge of my life. Do you put one, how many? etc etc. So is it just a UK thing then? Hmmm


I'm the United States, the common practice would be to write XOXOXO, meaning hugs and kisses. It's never done with just an X, as an X by itself could (theoretically) connotate a signature. (i.e. "put you X on the line")



Cultural differences, another bane of my life. In the UK, nobody ever uses XOXOXO, it's only ever x or xx or xxx or xxxx

or xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx but that's when you are going out with someone and it's serious ;)


so a single x means 'a kiss', and English men use it when they are flirting. As in that one other guy on OKC who messaged me even when I said 'no need to respond' and signed his message off with an x

It doesn't mean a signature because in this day and age it is assumed everyone, and especially someone using electronic means of communication, is literate.



ezbzbfcg2
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28 Feb 2014, 3:57 pm

Perhaps he put the X as a way of saying, "no worries, I understand now that you weren't ignoring me and all is fine."

It was only one X after all.



leafplant
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28 Feb 2014, 3:59 pm

ezbzbfcg2 wrote:
Perhaps he put the X as a way of saying, "no worries, I understand now that you weren't ignoring me and all is fine."

It was only one X after all.


But how can you be sure what they had meant?! I wish Xs were outlawed personally, they just muddy the waters.

so, should I just respond blandly without an x and hope that's ok?

Oh I see I missed the bit where you asked about the content of the message.

Well, that's sort of personal (although not really), but it was about him being a bit ill and some stuff about work and then he asked me something about my holiday preferences based on something I had said in my message



salamandaqwerty
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28 Feb 2014, 4:04 pm

MadeUnderground wrote:
Maybe it was a typo?

I've never seen anyone do this x business that you speak of. At first I thought you meant he was pissed at you for replying so late and so he drew an X through your name lmao.

I wouldn't think too much into though. It could just be one of those ending signature things, like, "Love, so and so" which may mean a lot to some people but others it's just a polite way to show they care in a friendly way.

You know what? I don't know. I've never seen anyone use an x beside their name. If someone did, I wouldn't know wtf it meant and assumed it was a mistake and go on about my life.

It's good to see you around again. You were missed. I was afraid you tripped and got sucked into the black abyss called the real world.


This

Try to be as honest as you can about how you feel, You did meet him on a dating site so maybe he holds a hope that you may want something other than just friendship.
In my experience there is always a sexual tension between friends of the opposite sex or same sex that you find attractive, many of my friends are women as I just seem to get on better with women for whatever reason so I am used to this dynamic.
Send them a silly email saying something like OMG did you just cyber kiss me lol this will bring it out of the murk of assumption and establish whether it was a typo or not.


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ezbzbfcg2
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28 Feb 2014, 4:08 pm

leafplant wrote:
But how can you be sure what they had meant?! I wish Xs were outlawed personally, they just muddy the waters.

so, should I just respond blandly without an x and hope that's ok?


I'd say wait a day or two and then proceed with business as normal, assuming he's just a friend and the X meant nothing. It's sort of inconclusive. Had he written XXXX, that would have been a different story.

Anyway, observe how he reacts from here on out. If he signs the next post with an X, you'll have a better understanding. If he doesn't, than this X could just have been a one-time thing...you know, seeing as it appeared you were ignoring him and then having to clarify. It might have just meant, "all is well."

I'd say give him the benefit of the doubt this time and see how he reacts in future responses. Don't sweat this X. Start sweating if an when you send other Xs. Is it really worth losing a friend over a possible misunderstanding on your part? How could you even know what his intentions were if you automatically assume the worst?

That's my suggestion.



leafplant
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28 Feb 2014, 4:09 pm

salamandaqwerty wrote:
It's good to see you around again. You were missed. I was afraid you tripped and got sucked into the black abyss called the real world.

This

Try to be as honest as you can about how you feel, You did meet him on a dating site so maybe he holds a hope that you may want something other than just friendship.
In my experience there is always a sexual tension between friends of the opposite sex or same sex that you find attractive, many of my friends are women as I just seem to get on better with women for whatever reason so I am used to this dynamic.
Send them a silly email saying something like OMG did you just cyber kiss me lol this will bring it out of the murk of assumption and establish whether it was a typo or not.



Aww I love you too, in a totally non creepy way :D

Are you not being one with the stove and the sky?

You make very worth while points as always, thank you for your wisdome! I just so hate uncomfortable conversations, even when they are held over email 8O

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
:P



MadeUnderground
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28 Feb 2014, 4:20 pm

leafplant wrote:
MadeUnderground wrote:
Maybe it was a typo?

I've never seen anyone do this x business that you speak of.

I want to live in your world! For serious! lol.. that x has been the scourge of my life. Do you put one, how many? etc etc. So is it just a UK thing then? Hmmm

Quote:
It's good to see you around again. You were missed. I was afraid you tripped and got sucked into the black abyss called the real world.


aww thank you! and also lol, I think I did do that tripping thing brrr

Btw, the place I am at, they are running a summer school and one of the units is about autism. I am wondering if I should go and see what sort of thing they are preaching..it's in July. dunno.. what do you think?



I think it may be interesting to go check it out. It depends on whether you get easily offended by things like that or not. Personally I tend to avoid things that will have Autism related topics in it unless it's some support group or something along those lines. By things that have autism related topics I mean like in movies, shows, etc. It just usually winds up pissing me off one way or another.



salamandaqwerty
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28 Feb 2014, 4:24 pm

leafplant wrote:

Quote:

Aww I love you too, in a totally non creepy way Very Happy

Are you not being one with the stove and the sky?

You make very worth while points as always, thank you for your wisdome! I just so hate uncomfortable conversations, even when they are held over email Shocked

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Razz


LOL you are an odd bird

non creepy love returned in full

I am getting picked up soon for camping trip, I did end up getting ingredients for risotto.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
:P


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leafplant
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28 Feb 2014, 4:47 pm

MadeUnderground wrote:

I think it may be interesting to go check it out. It depends on whether you get easily offended by things like that or not. Personally I tend to avoid things that will have Autism related topics in it unless it's some support group or something along those lines. By things that have autism related topics I mean like in movies, shows, etc. It just usually winds up pissing me off one way or another.


Thank you for your thoughts - I must admit, I was already annoyed, just reading the blurb about it. Of course, I am not diagnosed, so in a way, I have no right to have feelings about it either way, but people will have feelings, whether they are entitled to them or not.. :roll:

I think I will probably feel very annoyed by it although the blurb mentioned ' diagnostic criteria and afterwards things that can help" so this makes me wonder about what they may talk about. I think it will probably still all be relevant more to the severely autistic than to aspergers although they mention aspergers specifically. If I am around there and can blag my way into just this one lecture, I may just go, but otherwise, probably not. Although they are also doing some other really interesting stuff but it's probably all wildly generic.



The_Face_of_Boo
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28 Feb 2014, 8:01 pm

Boo X.

Not bad.



Tim_Tex
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28 Feb 2014, 9:33 pm

At this point, I wouldn't read too much into it.


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