Why are patronizing and condescending attitudes so hated?

Page 1 of 2 [ 18 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

TheSperg
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 13 Mar 2013
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 269

02 Mar 2014, 2:29 am

Even when not explicitly hateful, or well meaning? Say you ask a doctor about the half life of a med, and she replies listen you let me worry about that science stuff ok? :x There isn't really any bad intent there, but it still just makes me angry. I also hate when someone tells me or someone else that we are transgressing class/race/sex/social boundaries and that we should go back into our proper place.

I thought this was a private quirk I had, I think I even searched the internet for it many years ago before I had ever heard of AS or autism. But it shows up on this board and on lists of autism characteristics a lot.

I was curious if anyone had any ideas on why?



1401b
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 May 2012
Age: 122
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,588

02 Mar 2014, 2:45 am

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Condescending
Incivility.
You're not alone, rudeness is pretty common and this is just one of many forms of rudeness.
Rudeness is the first resort of the incompetent.


_________________
(14.01.b) cogito ergo sum confusus


auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 110,283
Location: the island of defective toy santas

02 Mar 2014, 2:56 am

some people don't learn tenderness until they themselves get skinned. there was a doctor, haughty and high, until he got sick and got treated the same way he treated others when admitted to his own hospital, the name of the book he wrote, was "a taste of my own medicine."



Last edited by auntblabby on 02 Mar 2014, 2:57 am, edited 1 time in total.

mr_bigmouth_502
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Dec 2013
Age: 28
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 7,025
Location: Alberta, Canada

02 Mar 2014, 2:56 am

I hate it when other people think that they're better than me, or that they know more than me, or whatever. It really drives me up the wall. I may not be the smartest guy out there, and I will admit it, but I certainly know that I'm smarter than most of the people I come across in my day to day life, especially the ones who do seemingly believe that they are superior to me. I know it makes me sound like a hypocrite, being frustrated with other people who believe themselves to be superior despite my delusions of superiority, but whatever. The point is, I can't stand condescending attitudes.



DevilKisses
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Jul 2010
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,067
Location: Canada

02 Mar 2014, 3:10 am

This is the exact reason why I make myself act mature and never disclose my diagnosis.


_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 82 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 124 of 200
You are very likely neurotypical


LifUlfur
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 547
Location: London

02 Mar 2014, 5:32 am

I have to leave the situation quickly.
This is because if I don't, I am likely to lash out, either verbally or physically.



KingdomOfRats
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Oct 2005
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,833
Location: f'ton,manchester UK

02 Mar 2014, 8:17 am

perhaps itd flavour the view if were having to experience it all the time and were treated as non functioning by the patronising person.

am acutely patronised and spoken down to every day by passers by,shop workers,medical people etc-this has been lifelong,am pitied by people and treated like have got a profound terminal disease and am not long for this world.
itd be nice to be treated like a human,get the rare stranger who does this and it makes the day complete. :)


_________________
>severely autistic.
>>the residential autist; http://theresidentialautist.blogspot.co.uk
blogging from the view of an ex institutionalised autism/ID activist now in community care.
>>>help to keep bullying off our community,report it!


League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 26,706
Location: Pacific Northwest

02 Mar 2014, 10:02 am

I have never known anyone who wasn't bothered by this. It bothers me too and I hate it when people tell me things I already know because it's like they think I am too stupid to not know it. I just want to be rude about it and say, "Duh." I also hate it when people make assumptions about me thinking I didn't know this or that so they tell me about it as if I was too dense to not know that. I am also sure it's done unintentionally so I don't let myself be rude about it like lot of people are. It makes me not want to speak to them ever because I don't know if I will offend them again if I accidentally tell them something they already know.


_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.


cubedemon6073
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Nov 2008
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,875

02 Mar 2014, 10:19 am

I can say why. It is because I feel like I'm being talked to like I'm less than you.



naturalplastic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Aug 2010
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 29,402
Location: temperate zone

02 Mar 2014, 1:12 pm

I don't understand the question.

Are you asking "why do people speak in a condescending way?".

Or are you asking "why do I hate being talked to in a condescending way?"



Waterfalls
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jun 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,075

02 Mar 2014, 1:16 pm

KingdomOfRats wrote:
perhaps itd flavour the view if were having to experience it all the time and were treated as non functioning by the patronising person.

am acutely patronised and spoken down to every day by passers by,shop workers,medical people etc-this has been lifelong,am pitied by people and treated like have got a profound terminal disease and am not long for this world.
itd be nice to be treated like a human,get the rare stranger who does this and it makes the day complete. :)

People so don't know what they are missing, KingdomofRats!

I always look forward when I see your name, know there will be something provocative, insightful, valuable to me, who you don't even know to care about, in just about everything you post. Something that usually I feel grateful to you for.



Stannis
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jan 2014
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,631

02 Mar 2014, 1:47 pm

It is difficult to extricate your self regard, from the opinion others show towards you. When people talk to me as if i'm an idiot, I feel somewhat like an idiot.
It is important that people don't feel this way about themselves, if they are to accomplish anything.



Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 33,471
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

02 Mar 2014, 2:01 pm

Quote:
Why are patronizing and condescending attitudes so hated?


Beats me I love those attitudes 8)

ok in all seriousness, why wouldn't patronizing and condescending attitudes be hated?


_________________
We won't go back.


naturalplastic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Aug 2010
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 29,402
Location: temperate zone

02 Mar 2014, 3:10 pm

Theyre hated because ... theyre patronizing, and condescending.



ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,564
Location: Long Island, New York

02 Mar 2014, 3:43 pm

One problem I have with communicating with people is that I do not know the level of knowledge they have. If I talk below their level(of extremely literal here) I am going to come off as condescending. If I talk above their level they will not understand me and I may come off as haughty/elitist etc. A doctor sees many types of patients, so how is he or she supposed to know the knowledge of their patients based on a few minutes conversation?. So he or she has to speak and explain at the lowest level. This is different then thinking they are a higher level of person then the patient. We have less ability to determine if a person is being condescending or just speaking to the lowest common denominator. Add to that our social experiences have been mostly bad we are much more likely to be offended when no offense was intended.


_________________
Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity

“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman


Waterfalls
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jun 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,075

02 Mar 2014, 3:56 pm

I hate patronizing condescending attitudes partly because the person tends to oversimplify to the point of being inaccurate, I take the superficial kindness at face value initially, start to get confused, feel like they are lying to me, get angry....

It creates a lot of confusion when people are condescending, I hate being alone and confused with someone else pushing me around. Feels like bullying. Reminds me of other bad incidents from the past.