Page 1 of 3 [ 33 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

AspieOtaku
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2012
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,212
Location: San Jose

02 Mar 2014, 9:47 pm

I know this may be stupid for me to say this and im not sure where to put this and its kind of embarressing to admit it as a guy but sometimes I am afraid of women. I dont bother doing the approaching because I fear rejection and fear being considered as a creep or whatnot so I dont bother. I let the women make all the moves but even now I am afraid these days because I am afraid of their motifs, what if they are merely pretending to love me only to use me then dump me afterwards or act all friendly as a facade until i live with them and they are abusive and manipulative! I am and have been physically attracted to women but lately I have been apprehensive and afraid they might be mean or do mean things to me. So I dont bother looking and isolate myself from the rest of society. I guess it also helps I been in an abusive relationship in the past and it messed me up pretty bad!


_________________
Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList


MR_BOGAN
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Mar 2008
Age: 119
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,200
Location: The great trailer park in the sky!

02 Mar 2014, 9:52 pm

Well a lot of women would feel similar to you and be afraid of men.


_________________
Dirty Dancing (1987) - Trailer http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qU8CmMJf8QA


aspiemike
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,374
Location: Canada

02 Mar 2014, 10:04 pm

Life is nothing but taking risks and overcoming fear. Or you can choose not to do that. I find the risk taking builds character, humbles you, and promotes growth.


_________________
Your Aspie score: 130 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 88 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie


AspieOtaku
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2012
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,212
Location: San Jose

02 Mar 2014, 11:35 pm

aspiemike wrote:
Life is nothing but taking risks and overcoming fear. Or you can choose not to do that. I find the risk taking builds character, humbles you, and promotes growth.
Tried it, got hurt not sure if I should do it again. Its easier to just shut myself in for long periods of time and occasionally have casual relationships.


_________________
Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList


TheGoggles
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Oct 2013
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,060

03 Mar 2014, 12:00 am

Allll right. Do women really approach you often enough that you have to worry about their motives? What's more, what exactly do you have that could be "stolen" from you? What asset is supposedly making you a target?



yournamehere
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Oct 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,673
Location: Roaming 150 square miles somewhere in north america

03 Mar 2014, 1:19 am

People get scared for a reason. Maybe you should be. I'm scared too. Most women are nutz!! ! A day or two might come when your comfortable enough with someone to not care.



AspieOtaku
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2012
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,212
Location: San Jose

05 Mar 2014, 2:49 am

TheGoggles wrote:
Allll right. Do women really approach you often enough that you have to worry about their motives? What's more, what exactly do you have that could be "stolen" from you? What asset is supposedly making you a target?
My heart, my soul, my independence, my sanity, my will to live. My life many many things. I fear manipulation and control, I fear being conned and betrayed again and again and again. I fear the possibility of being in an abusive relationship again.


_________________
Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList


sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,711
Location: US

05 Mar 2014, 3:26 am

I'm afraid of women cause they'll better then me, so i can't approach them.
after having the cashier job I can approach guys, well i did it once. Not women though. :S



El_presidente
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2014
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 105

05 Mar 2014, 3:39 am

yournamehere wrote:
People get scared for a reason. Maybe you should be. I'm scared too. Most women are nutz!! ! A day or two might come when your comfortable enough with someone to not care.


I wouldn't say most women are nuts. The problem is that the people of all genders who act badly taint the good name of all the decent people out there. It is natural to focus more on negative experiences. The OP should remember there are plenty of women who feel the same way as him, and men for that matter if that is what takes your fancy.


_________________
http://asdcommunity.org


RetroGamer87
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,251
Location: Adelaide, Australia

05 Mar 2014, 7:25 am

That's just the problem. There are plenty of women who are afraid of women. That's why I'm often afraid I'll do something that will make women afraid of me. I keep on thinking I'll creep them out somehow.



Homer_Bob
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jan 2009
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,559
Location: New England

05 Mar 2014, 10:56 am

I think most of us have had fears from time to time. Thinking about approaching a woman that I didn't know and talking to her would make me want to faint. I have social anxiety around women pretty badly and needless to say, I would have no idea what I should say or could say. Even if I tried online, messaging a woman would make me just as nervous. So for me I've never even asked a woman out before. I would never expect a woman to approach me so I'm aware of having to be alone. My biggest hope is to meet a woman, become good friends with her for a few years and perhaps if she is single at the right time and I know her well enough, then I could ask her out. It may take years but I could never ask a stranger out.



TheGoggles
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Oct 2013
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,060

05 Mar 2014, 12:18 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:
TheGoggles wrote:
Allll right. Do women really approach you often enough that you have to worry about their motives? What's more, what exactly do you have that could be "stolen" from you? What asset is supposedly making you a target?
My heart, my soul, my independence, my sanity, my will to live. My life many many things. I fear manipulation and control, I fear being conned and betrayed again and again and again. I fear the possibility of being in an abusive relationship again.


Yeah, but none of those things have monetary value. How many times have you seen a con artist try to steal something intangible? It sounds to me like you're afraid of rejection and failure.



MadeUnderground
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Dec 2012
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 635

05 Mar 2014, 2:09 pm

http://approachanxiety.com/forums/forum/approach-forum helped me get over my fear of approaching attractive women. Or anyone for that matter.

I don't know what the site is like now but when I used it 6 years ago it was really helpful. The site used to be more basic and only had a forum. Now I guess there's articles and stuff, but I linked the forum because that's all I used.


Edit: I don't know how useful that website is anymore, I just looked through the forum and it's only got 104 topics. It used to be a lot larger and separated into different subtopics. I guess now whoever the owner of the site is, is more interested in pushing his book.

Well, it doesn't hurt to check it out anyway, I guess.



leafplant
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Oct 2013
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,222

05 Mar 2014, 3:00 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:
TheGoggles wrote:
Allll right. Do women really approach you often enough that you have to worry about their motives? What's more, what exactly do you have that could be "stolen" from you? What asset is supposedly making you a target?
My heart, my soul, my independence, my sanity, my will to live. My life many many things. I fear manipulation and control, I fear being conned and betrayed again and again and again. I fear the possibility of being in an abusive relationship again.


You are not afraid of women, you are afraid of yourself, or more precisely, you don't trust yourself to know how to act in your own best interest within a relationship. I totally sympathise with this, if I've let this happen to me, believing all the while like it was normal or something, then, how will I know to not let it happen again?



yournamehere
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Oct 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,673
Location: Roaming 150 square miles somewhere in north america

05 Mar 2014, 11:26 pm

Be afraid.

Be very very afraid.

All that lack of fear towards women may ruin your life. :wink: