A really great friend
I get told what a really great friend I am by my peers in my teen forums. One forum in particular.
And I actually feel kind of uncomfortable with that, because I really want to maintain distance.
I like interacting with them and helping them out in help threads.
But I do not want to Skype them or text with them or Facebook with them or anything like that or even PM with them much (you can send me a PM). I want to keep everything as one dimensional as possible. Just interacting in the threads. Whereas for them, the stuff above is the greatest thing on earth. Probably one reason why I make
it so clear that I am autistic. Do any of you experience this?
Last edited by EzraS on 06 Mar 2014, 10:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
Yes and no.
The anonymity makes me hope it's a little safer.
Like it's less likely it will become inescapable if someone gets angry or decides to go after me.
And I've become scared of trying to be friends because when I have something's always come up where the person goes from saying I'm sweet and a great friend to telling me how I screwed up socially.
I don't know whether this relates to what you are talking about or not. I know you said in another thread it would be obvious with a glance that you have a disability and are autistic. But for me, labels about me and others disappear when there is genuine relatedness and understanding. And it feels absolutely AWFUL to go from enjoying feeling safe and normal and unworried and connected to the jolt of realizing I'm alone again, I didn't understand something, and other people have funny looks on their faces and are trying to tune me out, I've screwed up some minor detail and become "other" to them.
Anyway, what you are describing sounds a lot like me feeling scared to try to have or be friends. Afraid of the inevitable guillotine cutoff, or the person starts talking about the importance of boundaries and I know I've been careful of the obvious rules, text or call once then wait for a response, don't chase, close my mouth and listen in conversation, open my mouth and don't be silent, try to stay on topic. But those obvious rules isn't enough, something subtle, I don't know what, seems off about me to people, they get uncomfortable, and then they label me as a problem.
At a certain point noticing I am being labeled as problematic to deal with, I have become afraid. Afraid to believe that about myself if I get to close to it. Or get close to other people I'm trying to relate to who believe that about me and I swallow it, whole. So I am afraid to go deeper with others.
And then there is the whole bullying thing, and difficulty sometimes recognizing bullying is happening.
But mostly I am afraid.
That is a good way of putting it. That's why make it clear I'm autistic, not that I'm brushing them off.
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