Asie men vs Aspie women: Who has it easier?

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DeeLerious184
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10 Mar 2014, 3:00 pm

I was just curious as to what people think about the question. I feel that men have it easier as men seen as quirky and socially awkward are seen in a better light than women who are seen to have those same traits. What are your thoughts?



CyclopsSummers
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10 Mar 2014, 3:11 pm

I guess this is something you should view case by case and then add all the numbers for males vs. females.

I'm a guy, and I would say I've had it relatively easy when it comes to romance. I've always gravitated toward the more introverted, quiet types, and once I've established friendship with someone, it was always easy to move on to 'the next level'.
Of autistics I've met at autistic meet-ups, I guess it varies very much. There were people (of both sexes) who expressed difficulty in their romantic life, then there were peope who had maintained long and steady relationships. But then there's always people who choose not to talk about their romantic life, or there are people who are asexual, so the image I have is probably not entirely correct.


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cberg
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10 Mar 2014, 3:18 pm

Neither. In women, it is under-diagnosed and often never addressed, while in us guys' case, it's over-diagnosed and usually dealt with quite haphazardly, without much thought towards the interaction between neurological conditions. Add these educational faux-pas into the ladies' equation and things equalize; intensity of ASDs is in the eyes of the beholders.


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10 Mar 2014, 3:23 pm

Personally, I find that most men seem to want women who are more outwardly feminine than I am comfortable being. I don't do the clothes, hair, shoes, nail things, nor do I excel at (or have any interest in) cooking, sewing, crafting, child-rearing, housekeeping things that are typically considered "feminine" interests. Conversely, when I do find a man who can appreciate that my mind works more like a man's than a woman's (and that I have more typically-male-oriented interests), I think the potential is there for a deeper, more meaningful relationship.

I also find it almost impossible to find female friends because if they *are* interested in the above list of "feminine" things, I have absolutely nothing in common with them. And they don't generally appreciate my Aspie bluntness. If they ask "does this shirt/skirt/hairstyle look good on me?" I will answer honestly.

I can't however, speak for the difficulties that Aspie men may or may not have in their personal lives. I've only known one Aspie male well enough to understand him, and I have no idea if he was a "typical Aspie" or not. I do know that men liked him, and women admired him (but his bluntness scared a lot of women away from him). So their admiration had little or nothing to do with his Aspie traits. Mostly he was just too anti-social to make friends at all, but he could play the "social game" fairly well when he had to - it just wore him out and he'd have to retreat to complete solitude (except for me) for at least a few days before he could rejoin the world again.



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10 Mar 2014, 4:05 pm

Ditto to much of what Eureka13 says. I find social relationships with other women to be the most challenging. Women can be extremely cruel and hateful if you stick out from the crowd. As Eureka13 notes, it's hard to be in tune with other females if you're not into fashion and other feminine superficialities. It's also hard to keep your past female friendships going on when your friends are marrying and having children. They become preoccupied with domestic matters and there is no longer so much in common.

I'm not as concerned about romantic relationships at this time of life, but, yes, too many men are attracted to flashy, physically attractive, outgoing women, no wonder what their content of character may be like. Then they wonder why when they get burned. The low-key Aspie woman is totally off their radar, especially if she has physical defects as I do.

I think the toughest thing about being an Aspie woman is that it is so hard to get diagnosed. The signs may be there from childhood, but females are not supposed to have ASD, so teachers; parents; mental health professionals; everyone overlooks it. The Aspie woman is left to struggle through life as best as she can until amidst crisis she starts putting the pieces together. Then once one is finally diagnosed, good luck getting employers and others to understand. They will try to argue with you that you are "too intelligent" and couldn't possibly have functioned in one's job so long with the disorder. They may reel off a list of your deficiencies in their eyes, each of which are symptoms of ASD, and when you inform them of the fact, they still don't get it. It looks as if my termination may be converted to disability retirement after 6 months of legal struggle, but I've had to be diagnosed by multiple mental health professionals to convince the City of my ASD. I did too good a job in some respects of functioning in an NT world.



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10 Mar 2014, 4:14 pm

I am interested in fashion and hair and make up but I absolutely hate shopping and trying clothes on and the other day when a friend dragged me into a clothes shop for an hour of trying clothes on, I tried to have fun, but after 10 minutes I wanted to kill myself and was starting to hate my friend a little. Nobody who is NT can understand this kind of thing.

Also, I get tired of social interaction very easily and women who love company and want to always be in touch don't understand when another woman behaves essentially like a PUA - calls to arrange to go out just to cancel at the last minute, over and over again, and hangs out only once in a long while. Sure it's a blast while it lasts but it's never clear when it will end or start again.

So, that's just other female friends. Can you imagine what it is like for men who tend to expect women to be constantly loving and accepting and receptive. I find it exceptionally difficult to be receptive to anything, most of the time I just pretend.

I don't know what Aspie men (or indeed women) experience, but I do know that everyone has their own cross to bear, whatever their neurology. As far as I am concerned there is no point trying to establish who has it harder because it's not like you'll suddenly get special treatment if your gender is found to have a harder time of things.



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10 Mar 2014, 4:54 pm

leafplant wrote:
I am interested in fashion and hair and make up but I absolutely hate shopping and trying clothes on and the other day when a friend dragged me into a clothes shop for an hour of trying clothes on, I tried to have fun, but after 10 minutes I wanted to kill myself and was starting to hate my friend a little. Nobody who is NT can understand this kind of thing.

Also, I get tired of social interaction very easily and women who love company and want to always be in touch don't understand when another woman behaves essentially like a PUA - calls to arrange to go out just to cancel at the last minute, over and over again, and hangs out only once in a long while. Sure it's a blast while it lasts but it's never clear when it will end or start again.

So, that's just other female friends. Can you imagine what it is like for men who tend to expect women to be constantly loving and accepting and receptive. I find it exceptionally difficult to be receptive to anything, most of the time I just pretend.

I don't know what Aspie men (or indeed women) experience, but I do know that everyone has their own cross to bear, whatever their neurology. As far as I am concerned there is no point trying to establish who has it harder because it's not like you'll suddenly get special treatment if your gender is found to have a harder time of things.


Exactly!



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10 Mar 2014, 5:41 pm

First of all, it was a question of who has it easier (sorry for being pedantic, but It would annoy me to no end), and secondly, (you probably know already, but still -->) I think this was more of a curiosity based question than actually trying to find out to gain something


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HugsBison
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10 Mar 2014, 6:13 pm

I'd agree with CyclopsSummers, and cberg.
It really depends on the individual, who they have in their life, and how severe it is.
For some things, it was easier being female, for others, definitely not so much.



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10 Mar 2014, 11:54 pm

I think it depends on the specif Aspies but think that in general autistic women may have an easier time getting dates but have a hard time finding quality guys. In the traditional social roles with dating guys are the pursuer & women are pursued. Aspie women or women in general who find they aren't attracting guys can try making their appearance more attractive or try changing the roles & do the pursuing. Also some men are interested in women because they're looking for sex & Aspie women can have a harder time knowing those types than NT women. Some think Aspergers is a kind of a more extreme male brain & it's common for guys to complain about how they don't understand women so some may appropriate having a woman who they can understand better because she thinks more like a guy.


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Last edited by nick007 on 11 Mar 2014, 12:01 am, edited 1 time in total.

thumbhole
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10 Mar 2014, 11:57 pm

Here we go again...

Isn't this the 1568325736543512432143512th thread on this topic that's been posted in this forum?



mahfouz
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11 Mar 2014, 2:15 am

men always have everything easier

/endthread



The_Face_of_Boo
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11 Mar 2014, 4:53 am

mahfouz wrote:
men always have everything easier

/endthread


I disagree, anyway....

أنت من وين؟



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11 Mar 2014, 5:12 am

In terms of dating I assume, since it's in this forum - men are expected to make most of the first moves, and asperger's, along with the social anxiety that comes with it, makes it extremely difficult for us. Given the gender roles of dating, men have it harder ten fold.

As far as everything else goes, I can't say. 'Cause I don't know.


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11 Mar 2014, 7:40 am

This topic is gonna get a lock.



Cafeaulait
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11 Mar 2014, 7:44 am

This topic is gonna get a lock.