You're just going to have to accept that...

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When you know perfectly well how things are and are trying your best under the system as it is as much as it sucks; the moment you give any sort of complaint about the current system and pine for a change, this statement comes, "Well, you're just going to have to accept that that's how things are right now." Like I didn't know that already, dumbass! God damn! Can I not speak my grievances without facing instant invalidation?

I hate when that happens. People don't want an exchange of ideas, they want validation. I've found it works better to be sneaky.

Oh, I know that feeling.

I can soooo relate to that.

Thanks, all. And believe me, I tore the mf'er a new one for that, the invalidating, presumptuous prick that he was.

The person in question may be voicing this cringe-worthy invalidation out of his/her own exasperation. Many times, they, themselves, would like to institute change, but they are either lacking the knowledge, resources, time, or authority to institute said change. Thus, they express this to others as a way to say, "Look, I can't fix it right now!"; it is possible that they feel that you are accusing them, somehow, of being the cause of the problem.

I think my problem has to do with poor social communication, especially over the Internet. People usually get a bad impression of me, like I don't do my homework, I'm ignorant, I'm foolish, etc., and their impression surprises me, because I do make sure to do my homework, I study the topic well, I hash these issues out in great detail with my therapist, etc. Yet they always come in with the assumption I haven't been doing any of that, so when I complain, they think I'm just living in "fantasy land" or something, all discombobulated and floating around everywhere. It makes me wonder, if outside autistic forums like this, if it is ever worth it to ask for advice, because it's like I can't fully express the context I'm working in and people make all sorts of assumptions like my being poorly prepared and then they get all patronizing and stuff and I find their advice is basically worthless.

I've been having this frustration on the Internet ever since at least 2003. I remember on the Star Wars Galaxies forum posting a proof of 0.999... = 1 (0.999... is the repeating decimal where the nines go on forever), which I thought was really cool to show. I thought other people would think it was neat too, and I had checked it--I knew I had a good understanding of it. I also gave reliable sources like Dr. Math which had links to even more proofs. Yet that convinced no one, and it turned into a nasty argument, where I was insulted, demeaned, and belittled. I kept trying to redo the proofs, I kept trying to explain more clearly each step, and so on and so forth, to no avail.

Then, suddenly, a new poster appeared with a different proof, and all the other posters immediately acccepted it. Then they rounded on me and called me stupid, ret*d, saying that I suck at explaining and totally dehumanizing. I wanted to reach though my DSL line and strangle those people.

I find I have this struggle a lot, especially more so when I ask for advice. I am immediately faced with patronizing, dehumanizing people who apparently do not have a full understanding of the context in which I'm working (probably because I am still weak in pragmatics) and they round on me when I protest that their advice isn't going to work, calling me close-minded, stupid, ret*d, a piece of s**t, something that deserves to be thrown down a well (though not in so many words; it's clear that is their internal view of the situation, however).

Don't get sucked into the fight. Just give your opinion and leave it. People accept it or they don't, that's not your problem.

I wonder if instead I should simply state my goal and have people ask me for the information they find relevant to give me advice for and to warn them to make no assumption.

Yeah, let them ask the questions. People take in new information in unpredictable ways. I wouldn't warn them about making assumptions though, because you would be assuming that they would.

Well all this acceptance keeps people in order so no one challenges the status quo or questions the system....