Wife and I are finally planning for Divorce!! !! !

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Had a discussion about it last night. Just to give you some background (if you haven't read my previous post). I have a High Sex drive and feel depressed/angry when my wife doesn't give me all of her attention (sexual and non-sexual). I also feel I've been married to the same woman for too long (10 years) and I have no feeling for her anymore. The children seem to be causing a stress on the relationship, since all her time is occupied with them..... My wife has a particular low libido, doesn't initiate, doesn't talk sexy, doesn't like to flirt, play grab ass etc....

Based on my history with dealing with various psychologist throughout my life, I doubt any sort of marital counseling will help....

I would suggest at least trying marriage councelling. You have children together. Give it a chance at least.

Your sex drive levels don't match up, yeah that can be a problem, but perhaps marriage councelling might help with that and get the relationship back on track again. They might give advice on how you can spice things up and get your wife 'tickled' and 'in the mood'.

Marriage councelling probably isn't going to be the same as the psychologist sessions you've had in the past.

It sounds like this is all about 'you', if I'm not mistaken. You're not getting pleasured, and your wife is preoccupied with your children. No matter their age, a mothers job is just simply something others can't properly understand and experience.

Depending on their age, maybe get a baby sitter, or if they're older, get them to join some clubs, after school clubs etc. so you and your wife have more time to have together. Go on dates. See if that will help.

If your children are adults, perhaps you can ask your children to house-sit whilst you and your wife have a weekend together.

If none of that sounds good and you still want a divorce, then I can only say I hope you'll all be happy

I am very happy for your wife.

Are you actually doing your share of raising those children? How often are you up late because you've got work to finish but have just spent an hour talking through a child's problems and helping the child get to sleep? Is your notion of "helping around the house" that you do the hero jobs with the big payoff -- fix a thing, mow a grown-out lawn -- while you leave her to do the zillion things that actually have to get done daily? And how much work does she put into helping you?

If she's not into sex and was before, is it because she's stressed? Tired? Angry at you?

Do you know who the children's friends are, who their doctors are, what they'll eat? Are you social with the children's friends' parents, do you know the names of the children's friends' pets? Do you know what arrangements are possible for daycare, sitters, summer camp? Do you maintain a network of friends who could take one or more of the children in an emergency, people with whom your children are comfortable? When is the last time you were responsible for arranging these things? They're all quite important things. If you're leaving this all to your wife, and showing up as the resident 17-year-old, then of course she won't want to have sex with you.

The way that you've put things, it sounds like you're surprised that the children take her attention and don't feel it's right or fair. Exactly who's supposed to raise them, and do you recognize raising them as a serious and ongoing two-decade job that doesn't have business hours?

Are you seriously looking at busting up your children's family, a thing that will affect them the rest of their lives, because you want to get off more often than your wife does?

You've only given a very little bit of background, here, but it really doesn't sound like you're thinking of anyone but yourself.

Is this a legit thread or was it made to piss people off?

Like, how does one justify getting married and having children when they know they have empathy and anger issues. High Sex Drive is not the problem in itself as there are many ways to deal with it, but being cavalier with other people's lives is just mind numbingly scary for me to hear about.



Edit: As you have stated elsewhere that you were raised Muslim and you state here that your wife's sex drive is completely opposite of yours - was this an arranged marriage maybe?

Wow; is this real? That is about the most selfish post I've read here in a while.

Your basically complaining your wife won't give you all her attention, despite having children. That is so selfish. Both of your primary responsibility should be raising the children.

You need to refocus your priorities, put your children first and take some of the stress off your wife and you'll find she has more energy for you.

Otherwise, it's good your getting a divorce so she can find someone who isn't so selfish.

I heard that divorce is expensive both on the wallet and on your mind, think twice before you go for divorce.

Bear in mind that your relationship is more than just about sex, while I like sex as much as the next man I would say that a wife is for more than just sex.

If you get rid of your wife and get a new one, even if you are going at it like rabbits with the next woman it is unlikely that her sex drive or yours will be the same in five or ten years time. Consider for a moment Henry the 8th, he grew tired of his first wife and he fouled up England in his quest for a divorce. He then got his new fun woman and then 3 years later he got sick of her, while I do not think you will be wanting to cut her head off it is important to consider the possibility that the same problem could occur with the next relationship.

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Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

I think you may be feeling left out because your wife is busy with kids & she may be busy with housework, her family & friends & her job/career if she's working. You have some kind of underlying issues that cause you to want more attention from her which gets on her nerves when she's stressed or busy. I was pretty needy & clingy with my 1st & 2nd girlfriend partly because of underlying anxiety & OCD issues that got abit better after I got on the rite medications that made my anxiety mabye about the level of a normal person & improved my OCD. There are ways to reduce your sex drive if you feel that your high drive is incompatible with your wife's. A psychiatrist would be better to deal with that than a psychologist because they can prescribe meds for depression & anger that have side-effects of reducing your drive.

Marriage is not about sex only

One of my cousin sleeps with multiple women and is dating
and taking girls for one night stands all the time

He is hardcore alcoholic and womaniser...he cant be with one women

But he sticks to his marriage, his wife knows about his rendezvous
they have a child together

If your wife is a good person and takes care of family, kids
and in old age she will be a good support

Then dont leave her....chalk out a longterm plan.

Congrats!

I think it's better for the kids to have 2 happy households than 1 unhappy one, so see no reason to stay in it for the kids.

It's also good to see that your wife is on board. Last month when I told my wife I wanted a divorce she went outside and shot herself in the head. Don't see that happening here though.