Segments of your life that make you cry

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Have you ever had a segment in your life that when you think about it: it brings tears to your eyes and you immediately shutdown?

I was hospitalized twice. This is Wrong Planet (a site I trust) so I will go ahead and explain.

I was hospitalized for the first time, because I set fire to my basement. I remember the thing that popped in my head was "I can save my family from the flames" and so I went ahead and did it. It was fine for my parents to send me to a hospital. However, I was there for two months and deprived of many things. It was scary, but I would never have received a diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome if it wasn't for the whole event.

Second time was last year (February 11, 2006) I almost hanged myself. That part makes sad to think about sometimes.

Whoops, please move to members only sorry about that!

Many segments. One that I regret intensely is that when I was a child/teen, and was in a state of distress or anger, I would be abusive towards my animals, even though I love animals dearly. I couldn't see beyond the need to be cruel...my anger. I do not really understand it. We had a budgie that used to make a horrid noise all the time and was aggressive...and the more I looked at it, the more stupid I thought it was so I threw it against a window and its beak bled. Just in 2004, all these memories came back and I cried and got upset with myself for having been do cruel. I still dont know what really made me behave that way. I wonder if any others with ASDs have done such things... I know my ex who was Dx'd could be cruel to his dogs.

I have many regrets. My gran died and I never went to see her for years as it was so far and I had panic attacks. I felt nothing at the time I was told she had died. I couldn't cry and it wasn't until a year or two later that it hit me when something I was listening to bought back memories of her.

I regret the many years I spent as an anorexic and taking endless overdoses to try and find some peace.

I do not shut down though generally, I just get overwhelmed and cry and feel a lot of pain that can sometimes bring about anger.

Yeah, just like my early to mid high school years, I was horrible to my family. I used to drink and slice myself up randomly; I still have some scars from that period. There are specific instances, I'm sure, that I'd prefer not to think about.

I remember walking into a pet store one time and staring directly into the eyes of a bird until it freaked out and flew to the other side of it's tiny little cage, huddling in fear. I had watched some kind of documentary on birds and was interested in seeing if the eye contact thing was true or not (that they freak out if humans make eye contact because it intimidates them).

Well it was, and I felt really bad afterwards. I went home and cried because I didn't want the bird to be afraid. I went back the next week and it was still there, but it looked happy to see me the next time. Then I didn't feel so bad.

All of this happened when I was around 10-11 years old, BTW. I'm now 17.

Every time I do or say something stupid.