I feel as if I am not present in this world

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beneficii
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25 Mar 2014, 3:58 pm

Over the past week, I feel as if I'm not present in this world. There is like a continuous fog in my brain and when I speak, it is like a mechanical device speaking for me, and speaking is almost painful. I had some problems with concentration last week, though they have since resolved, but on Thursday my psychiatrist said my affect was "off", on Sunday, my parents said I had no emotional expression, and yesterday my therapist says my affect was flat. My coworker asked me about it, and she says I "seem out of it." I seem to be able to keep up with work, however.


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RaspyAspie
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25 Mar 2014, 4:50 pm

Sounds like dissociation to me. I've experienced much of the same, and I'm not completely sure I'm on the autism spectrum because of my capacity for empathy. That said, I harbour many traits of a Schizoid personality, and the last couple months I've gone through exactly what you've described.

Dissociation probably stems from anxiety and lack of social contact. As hard as it is to force yourself to socialize when you're in this state, it's the only way out of the fog! Withdrawing will typically only make the symptoms worse.

Human beings are social animals. We're hardwired for interpersonal contact. When we don't get it on a regular basis, our brain will respond in all kinds of weird ways to alarm us of the wrong path we're headed down. Have you been isolated and lost in your own head/ thoughts recently?



Wind
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25 Mar 2014, 5:32 pm

Exactly what above said, that would be dissociation.

I experience it as I'm diagnosed with BPD. My therapist comes to expect me dissociating :lol: In group sessions she'd always have to get my attention.


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omid
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25 Mar 2014, 5:42 pm

I hope I'm not completely off-topic but it kinda made me think of This. does this somehow apply?


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beneficii
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25 Mar 2014, 6:09 pm

omid wrote:
I hope I'm not completely off-topic but it kinda made me think of This. does this somehow apply?


Of those listed, I feel I've been having this:

-Marked slowness of movements
-Bizarre gait
-Repetitive attempts to carry out an action
-Facial grimace
-Fixed expression
-Fixed empty smile
-Fixed gaze
-Mouth and tongue movements
-Head bent forward
-Arms bent at elbows and wrists
-Odd finger and hand postures
-Freezing in postures in the course of an activity
-Echolalia
-Jerky speech
-Lack of modulation of tone
-Lack of modulation of volume
-Stereotyped answers to questions
-Overeactivity
-Sudden bizarre acts


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Willard
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25 Mar 2014, 6:21 pm

RaspyAspie wrote:
Human beings are social animals. We're hardwired for interpersonal contact. When we don't get it on a regular basis, our brain will respond in all kinds of weird ways to alarm us of the wrong path we're headed down. Have you been isolated and lost in your own head/ thoughts recently?


:lol: I live in my own head anymore, permanently dissociated. When I go out to run an errand, it's like it's not really me, but I'm still at home, watching everything on a monitor. Hell, I feel that way right now, and I'm at home.


I think. 8O



beneficii
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25 Mar 2014, 7:34 pm

Willard wrote:
RaspyAspie wrote:
Human beings are social animals. We're hardwired for interpersonal contact. When we don't get it on a regular basis, our brain will respond in all kinds of weird ways to alarm us of the wrong path we're headed down. Have you been isolated and lost in your own head/ thoughts recently?


:lol: I live in my own head anymore, permanently dissociated. When I go out to run an errand, it's like it's not really me, but I'm still at home, watching everything on a monitor. Hell, I feel that way right now, and I'm at home.


I think. 8O


Ja. Same here. I actually like it, being in the interiority of my own head. There's lots of fun, soft bubbly fun stuff in my head that I like to keep to myself and it's like being on a cloud. I like now to just lie in bed, whether to sleep or to not.


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wozeree
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25 Mar 2014, 7:35 pm

I wish I could go somewhere and write my novel while I went to work. That would be nice. I guess that's not what you mean though.



Eloa
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25 Mar 2014, 7:46 pm

I live in my world and access to outside world is really difficult, have no real definition of outside world.
beneficii, You seem to have a good level of self-awareness, which I do not mean in the sense of being connected to the world,
impression just from your writing
and I like reading your posts,
and I like your cat.


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wozeree
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25 Mar 2014, 7:50 pm

Eloa wrote:
I live in my world and access to outside world is really difficult, have no real definition of outside world.
beneficii, You seem to have a good level of self-awareness, which I do not mean in the sense of being connected to the world,
impression just from your writing
and I like reading your posts,
and I like your cat.


Oh yeah, I forgot to respond to your OP beneficii (I got too involved in myself, sorry)! !

But what I was going to say was almost exactly what Eloa said. Anyway, I hope you feel better soon.

(PS this makes four cats in a row)



beneficii
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25 Mar 2014, 8:54 pm

Thanks. My mum just recommends rest and work, with some eating and shopping, and that's it. No other social situations.


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pensieve
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25 Mar 2014, 10:13 pm

beneficii wrote:
omid wrote:
I hope I'm not completely off-topic but it kinda made me think of This. does this somehow apply?


Of those listed, I feel I've been having this:

-Marked slowness of movements
-Bizarre gait
-Repetitive attempts to carry out an action
-Facial grimace
-Fixed expression
-Fixed empty smile
-Fixed gaze
-Mouth and tongue movements
-Head bent forward
-Arms bent at elbows and wrists
-Odd finger and hand postures
-Freezing in postures in the course of an activity
-Echolalia
-Jerky speech
-Lack of modulation of tone
-Lack of modulation of volume
-Stereotyped answers to questions
-Overeactivity
-Sudden bizarre acts


I relate to some stuff on that list but I also have epilepsy and I know bipolar can come with some thought disorder symptoms.
I just hope I don't get worse. It's a very temporary thing for me now.


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beneficii
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25 Mar 2014, 10:56 pm

I wonder what this all means. I have several feelings toward it, considering the possibility I might be developing mental illness:

1.) Peace: My days of fruitful work are coming to an end and I will sleep and sleep, in peace, but that is but fantasy.
2.) Anxiety: Mental illness is a terrible thing, and there may be many anxious experiences. When I was 14, there were times when I was in sheer terror during my psychotic break.
3.) Fear of loss: If mental illness comes on too quickly and strongly, I might lose my chance to get sex reassignment surgery for a long time, leaving me with ever-present gender dysphoria; if hospitalization is required, also meaning loss of my dignity as a woman by being placed with men. Losing my direction toward womanhood, forced to detransition by authorities, losing my choice over my own body. Long-term confinement and control, no hormone therapy, loss of head hair leading to permanent baldness, and other forms of further masculinzation, making my body even more loathsome than it was before.
4.) Excitement: I wonder what new experiences I'll experience. I remember all the experiences I had leading up to that psychotic break, the feeling of new insight, the anticipation, the sense of wonder, the sense of being in a whole different world. It would be interesting to experience all that again.

As you can see, I have many conflicting feelings about this issue.


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KB8CWB
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25 Mar 2014, 11:14 pm

RaspyAspie wrote:
Dissociation probably stems from anxiety and lack of social contact. As hard as it is to force yourself to socialize when you're in this state, it's the only way out of the fog! Withdrawing will typically only make the symptoms worse.

Human beings are social animals. We're hardwired for interpersonal contact. When we don't get it on a regular basis, our brain will respond in all kinds of weird ways to alarm us of the wrong path we're headed down. Have you been isolated and lost in your own head/ thoughts recently?


^This! I have been this way for so long now I don't remember when I wasn't this way.



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25 Mar 2014, 11:56 pm

I find being around people makes the situation worse. Or I'll become aggressive.

Social animals my a...


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