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hurtloam
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05 Apr 2014, 2:27 pm

I have recently been told that I am very set in my ways. I think that means that I am very definate about how I go about things and when people try and suggest that I do things differently I explain that I like the way I do it and I don't need to do it differently. Like why don't I get a friend's son (strong young guy) to help me sand down my furniture. I am not the strongest person, so this is a good suggestion because he is stronger than me, but I'm sure he doesn't want to help me fix up my house.

When people invite me to do something I don't want to do I say that I don't want to go. The thing suggested was such an awful thing for my ears to endure that I said no. Other people would go even though they don't like the music because they want to make friends with the person who asked and build a connection. Conversely I don't make people go to gigs with me if they don't like the band. I am quiet happy to go by myself. I don't need someone to go with me. You can't talk during a gig because the music is too loud.

Has anyone told you that you are set in your ways? What did they mean by this?



BirdInFlight
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05 Apr 2014, 2:45 pm

I am very, very set in my ways, yes. I just like to do things my own way, ways I've found work best for me, and the same way every time. I actually think everyone in the world ought to be like that because standardizing one's method for anything is more efficient, I would think.

I'm very much a creature of habit. I haven't really found that anyone particularly notices it though, but I'm aware I'm like this.



Willard
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05 Apr 2014, 5:04 pm

"Autism is a disorder of neural development characterized by impaired social interaction and verbal and non-verbal communication, and by restricted, repetitive or stereotyped behavior."

Set in my ways, yeah definitely.

Definitely set in my ways.

Definitely set.

I'm an excellent driver.



GivePeaceAChance
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07 Apr 2014, 7:45 am

yes I am but those who count in my life don't mind, plus I don't care about those who do mind - I refuse to change just to gain a false "friend"


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SolinaJoki
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07 Apr 2014, 7:23 pm

I'm definitely set in my ways. For me, it comes from hating "different." Any time something is other than the norm, it causes me stress, anxiety, I'm very wary of it. Going to the dentist, visiting someone, working in the garden when I have not done that all winter. Even good different is still different.

I think part of the fear of different is because I don't know what the sensory load will be like if I am not familiar with the activity. I also have a very bad memory for things, so if I have not done the activity for a while, it seems completely new to me.



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08 Apr 2014, 7:01 am

My life partner....the biggest challenge to causing a fault-line in my ways!


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Last edited by Infoseeker on 09 Apr 2014, 11:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

leafplant
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08 Apr 2014, 7:07 am

Willard wrote:
"Autism is a disorder of neural development characterized by impaired social interaction and verbal and non-verbal communication, and by restricted, repetitive or stereotyped behavior."

Set in my ways, yeah definitely.

Definitely set in my ways.

Definitely set.

I'm an excellent driver.


lol, this made me laugh

I don't think I am set in my ways but perhaps I am. But then, other people seem to me even more set in their ways than I am. At least I will consider doing something differently or whatever. The only issue is when people choose not to take note of my sensory issues being a huge limiting factor in a way I can do things and try and blame me being awkward for that.

Sometimes I really wish it were possible to transfer the physical experience, or feelings to another person and see how they like it and whether they'd be able to cope.

The problem with people is that they always think someone else should be the one to make adjustments and not them. For years I kept trying to be what people expected me to be and all I did was to keep causing myself harm.



Kris30
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10 Apr 2014, 10:06 am

To me repetitive or stereotyped behaviour simply means routine-driven. Most people I encounter on the spectrum view this as a burden, but I'm happy with it. I find being this way maintains my current interests and keeps me productive. It's always healthy to try new things, but only on your own terms. Sometimes I wish I was a little more extrovert, but we are what we are..... :)



kirayng
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10 Apr 2014, 11:50 am

Sounds more like not knowing the logic behind others decisions, so therefor you appear set in your ways, as in you won't do it differently until there is a damn good reason. :)

And the thing with the furniture, NTs trade in the what can I do for you/get from you currency. So somewhere with that you were expected to help that friend's son help you so that you owe him one. It just goes on and on... that's a relationship. Part of the reason I try not to have any. :)



hurtloam
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11 Apr 2014, 1:06 pm

kirayng wrote:
Sounds more like not knowing the logic behind others decisions, so therefor you appear set in your ways, as in you won't do it differently until there is a damn good reason. :)


I laughed out loud at that. You have described me perfectly. I have always been like that. I don't change my ways unless there is a good reason to do so and it has been explained to me and I can see that it would work logically. If you can't convince me I will keep doing it my way.



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12 Apr 2014, 12:00 am

I'm very much set in my ways, I like to do things my way.
If I know how to do something I don't like anyone telling me to do it different.
Like the chemist I go to keeps pushing me to have a generic brand instead of my Zoloft so when I went to my doctor she put something on my new script to let them know its to be Zoloft only.



sueinphilly
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12 Apr 2014, 7:21 pm

how's this for a 'set in my ways' example

I have parted my hair on the left side for 35 years or so.

then my hairdresser suggesting parting my hair on the right side. WHAT?? HUH??? CHANGE??? OMG!! !

So I let her style my hair the 'new' way. Turns out that it looked great and with the type of hair I have (thick, wavy) it seemed to lay better that way. So..... after 35 years, I changed something.

On my own, I would never have tried something new. But I trusted my hairdresser (of 23 years) and what do you know, she was right.



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04 Jun 2014, 6:15 pm

Laws, yes !

Routines of my own devising
give me the familiarity and structure I crave, along with the self-determination I need to motivate myself.

To quote Ted Danson's curmudgeonly character in s6e11 of "Becker":"I like my rut, that's why I made it."


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26 Jun 2014, 11:00 am

People have told me that all the time. In fact my friend got pissed at me one day because she was thinking of moving back to the US and moving to a new city. She was saying Colorado and she was trying to convince me to move and I was like "why the heck for". I have absolutely no interest or desire to move. She got pissed at me saying that I'm so resistant to change and thats why I am lonely and will be forever lonely because I wont do anything new. She does have a point? I am very, very reluctant to try new things. But a move requires a whole host of skills that just stresses me out too much to even contemplate. Heck, I don't even want to move to another more cheaper apartment. It means I have to plan, organize, pack, plan some more, change bills. It's just too much for me. I would rather pay more and stay here yet ANOTHER year. I have friends who pack up and move all the time but me. It causes me so much stress that I STILL have a few boxes lying around that I have not unpacked and I have been here 2 years.


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Awiddershinlife
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02 Jul 2014, 9:27 am

Willard wrote:
"Autism is a disorder of neural development characterized by impaired social interaction and verbal and non-verbal communication, and by restricted, repetitive or stereotyped behavior."

Set in my ways, yeah definitely.

Definitely set in my ways.

Definitely set.

I'm an excellent driver.


The DMS is not a bible and does not dictate my behavior.

I think "set in one's ways" is a poor interpretation of this anyway, as well as poor word choice. My narrow interests are my joy, and 4/5 people I work with appreciate my expertise.

I have carved out a lovely niche by building expertise in an area of narrow interest - I love it! I catch myself when I am thinking anything that contains the word "should", and take responsibility for it so I can be flexible when people are clear. I don't take responsibility for someone sending secrete messages through subtle behavior. It is their responsibility to say it out loud (this is the 5th person in the 4/5).


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Kiriae
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02 Jul 2014, 11:32 am

Yes, I am.

You can especially see it when someone suggests me a movie/anime/clip to watch. I can agree it might be good, fun to watch and I put it in my "to do in the future" list but in the end I never watch it. Why? Because anytime I get in mood to watch something I choose other stuff - for example I watch my favorite anime 5th time or a TV program of my liking. I just can't make myself choose something that got only suggested by someone over something I already know that is fun to watch.
It pricks my conscience since I really want to make the person happy by saying I watched it as he/she suggested (I am not able to lie about it) but I am still doing my thing.