Women frustrate the crap outta me

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alien91
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06 Apr 2014, 5:59 am

I just wish I could kill my desire to have a woman altogether... It would save me a ton of headaches... The truth is I hate and resent the male role in courtship... Its hard enough for nt men and infinitely harder for those of us on the spectrum. I know that I can be socially inept and clueless but dang women sure dont do their part to make it any easier.. Even nt men have a hard time figuring them out.. So its not completely our fault for being socially slow... I am just sick of womens indecision. Passiveness, and mindgames. As I said I know my weaknesses and try my best to improve but its hard to make any progress when women are jerking my chain and never give straight answers.



Cafeaulait
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06 Apr 2014, 6:50 am

I am so sick of my aspie boyfriend. His passiveness and not responding to my messages.



Persevero
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06 Apr 2014, 7:01 am

Cafeaulait wrote:
I am so sick of my aspie boyfriend. His passiveness and not responding to my messages.


Have you told him how you feel?



BirdInFlight
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06 Apr 2014, 7:11 am

Speaking as a woman, I do think that the entire world of human interaction, not just dating but in everything, would be so much easier to navigate, and so much better off, if everyone could be politely but clearly honest with their real answers and their real intentions.

Sometimes if a girl or woman is fudging around, not quite saying whether she will or will not go out with you or similar, it may be because she isn't interested but doesn't want to be be rude and come right out and say that. She might be trying to spare your feelings, not realizing, of course, that in fact she's adding to your confusion.

It would feel better to have someone say right out "I only think of you as a friend, so, I don't want to lead you on in other hopes, but thank you for asking," or something similarly clear yet courteous.

And in another scenario, sometimes a woman might not even get that your interest in her is romantic/sexual/dating, and as naive as it sounds, she really does believe you're okay with just being a platonic friend. That sounds ridiculous and dense, but I myself have made this mistake and not even realized that the guy like me in a different way. Sometimes a person thinks it's egotistical or arrogant to just assume "Oh he LIKES likes me!" I'm an intelligent person generally, but I can be very naive and veery backward about picking up on the fact that a man is actually interested in me THAT way. I never assume.

But to that man, it can seem like I'm leading him on. I've only intellectually realized that a few times in my life. So, although not all women are missing the point like that, and some are probably deliberately leading you on a merry chase and not being nice about it, try to bear in mind that other women are well-intentioned but just "not getting it" OR trying to spare your feelings if they don't feel attraction back.

It still hurts, but it has to feel a little bit better to realize that not all fudging and misleading is done with intent to be cruel.

I still think everyone in the world could use a course in how to be very, very clear with each other, though.

.



hurtloam
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06 Apr 2014, 9:45 am

What a good response Birdinflight. I don't know if it is just a cultural thing or not, but it seems to be impolite to just speak your mind and say to someone "hey I like you... alot!" I look back and wonder if I missed opportunities because I didn't understand subtle signals. Then maybe the guy was like, "why was she messing me around?"

Yup, human interaction is very confusing.



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06 Apr 2014, 1:09 pm

Well? Trolling them doesnt seem to work Ive tried it only makes things worse, you get attention from them but not really in a good way they get frustrated and annoyed and some might chase you Tom and Jerry Style!


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alien91
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06 Apr 2014, 2:10 pm

BirdInFlight wrote:
Speaking as a woman, I do think that the entire world of human interaction, not just dating but in everything, would be so much easier to navigate, and so much better off, if everyone could be politely but clearly honest with their real answers and their real intentions.

Sometimes if a girl or woman is fudging around, not quite saying whether she will or will not go out with you or similar, it may be because she isn't interested but doesn't want to be be rude and come right out and say that. She might be trying to spare your feelings, not realizing, of course, that in fact she's adding to your confusion.

It would feel better to have someone say right out "I only think of you as a friend, so, I don't want to lead you on in other hopes, but thank you for asking," or something similarly clear yet courteous.

And in another scenario, sometimes a woman might not even get that your interest in her is romantic/sexual/dating, and as naive as it sounds, she really does believe you're okay with just being a platonic friend. That sounds ridiculous and dense, but I myself have made this mistake and not even realized that the guy like me in a different way. Sometimes a person thinks it's egotistical or arrogant to just assume "Oh he LIKES likes me!" I'm an intelligent person generally, but I can be very naive and veery backward about picking up on the fact that a man is actually interested in me THAT way. I never assume.

But to that man, it can seem like I'm leading him on. I've only intellectually realized that a few times in my life. So, although not all women are missing the point like that, and some are probably deliberately leading you on a merry chase and not being nice about it, try to bear in mind that other women are well-intentioned but just "not getting it" OR trying to spare your feelings if they don't feel attraction back.

It still hurts, but it has to feel a little bit better to realize that not all fudging and misleading is done with intent to be cruel.

I still think everyone in the world could use a course in how to be very, very clear with each other, though.

.
i agree with everything you are saying but It doesn't apply to me because i'm direct in my interactions with girls so they would have to be deaf to not understand that I like them in a romantic/sexual way... It seems to me that women,most of them anyway, hate direct flirting and would much rather be subtlety teased. Yet they complain about guys lying and playing games.



AspieOtaku
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06 Apr 2014, 2:41 pm

It seems that way doesnt it? I think the best way is to let them approach you so you dont have to worry about that stuff :lol:


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Last edited by AspieOtaku on 06 Apr 2014, 2:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

TornadoEvil
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06 Apr 2014, 2:43 pm

I am sure there are plenty of women who feel the same way about men.

edit: and it depends from person to person. Not even going to comment on what BirdInFlight said. Kinda that confusing and hurts that badly.



alien91
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06 Apr 2014, 3:06 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:
It seems that way doesnt it? I think the best way is to let them approach you so you dont have to worry about that stuff :lol:
but women will usually only step outside their comfort zone for an exceptionally good looking guy and/or rich high status guy. This is because they want to bag him and know he is in demand with other women. But for guys like me? Never.... Women dont have to work for average looking guys because we are a dime a dozen.



AspieOtaku
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06 Apr 2014, 3:14 pm

alien91 wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
It seems that way doesnt it? I think the best way is to let them approach you so you dont have to worry about that stuff :lol:
but women will usually only step outside their comfort zone for an exceptionally good looking guy and/or rich high status guy. This is because they want to bag him and know he is in demand with other women. But for guys like me? Never.... Women dont have to work for average looking guys because we are a dime a dozen.
Not always true I had women approach me all the time and im an average joe I just dont catch on to their social quest right away I usually am indifferent to their adcancments and I think that pputs em off


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You are very likely an aspie
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alien91
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06 Apr 2014, 3:48 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:
alien91 wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
It seems that way doesnt it? I think the best way is to let them approach you so you dont have to worry about that stuff :lol:
but women will usually only step outside their comfort zone for an exceptionally good looking guy and/or rich high status guy. This is because they want to bag him and know he is in demand with other women. But for guys like me? Never.... Women dont have to work for average looking guys because we are a dime a dozen.
Not always true I had women approach me all the time and im an average joe I just dont catch on to their social quest right away I usually am indifferent to their adcancments and I think that pputs em off
if thats the case I don't buy that you are average looking, you are probably lowballing yourself. I am average looking and women never approach me or talk to me... How can I be missing their advances if they never speak to me? If I quit pursuing women altogether I would be incel for the rest of my life.. A woman will "Never" approach me.. Its just not going to happen.



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06 Apr 2014, 5:48 pm

I'm feeling some of that frustration. The impression you make on people by talking to them is unbelievable. You can be stable and well adjusted all you want, but look less confident than the guy standing next to you, or not add to the conversation in the right way and you will get passed over.

Sometimes I think if women had their pick, all guys would be like Eminem and they could just melt our icy bad boy hearts.

I know its a little sexist and broad stroke, but I've wanted to say that for awhile now.


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Cafeaulait
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06 Apr 2014, 5:54 pm

Persevero wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
I am so sick of my aspie boyfriend. His passiveness and not responding to my messages.


Have you told him how you feel?


I have told him several times: if I didn't take the intitiative, I wonder of you would. He said yes, but I highly doubt it. He is very busy these week studying for major exams, so I get it, but still it makes me feel insecure about myself.



Persevero
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06 Apr 2014, 5:59 pm

Well, as you likely already know, aspies have a tendency to focus excessively on one aspect of their lives at a time. Don't take it personally if he's paying less attention to you, that's how his brain works.

That being said, it's my opinion that if he doesn't pay special attention to you after the exams you might need to get mad at him for you to get the point across.



alien91
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06 Apr 2014, 9:58 pm

MDD123 wrote:
I'm feeling some of that frustration. The impression you make on people by talking to them is unbelievable. You can be stable and well adjusted all you want, but look less confident than the guy standing next to you, or not add to the conversation in the right way and you will get passed over.

Sometimes I think if women had their pick, all guys would be like Eminem and they could just melt our icy bad boy hearts.

I know its a little sexist and broad stroke, but I've wanted to say that for awhile now.
I don't think there is any rhyme or reason to the choices women make in men. They are just too inconsistent.