Does anyone feel too selfish to be in a relationship?

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peaceloveerin
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07 Apr 2014, 6:56 pm

I certainly do. I don't mind being friends with the opposite sex, but I'm just too selfish and immature to have any kind of romantic relationship. Does anyone else feel this way?



Mindslave
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07 Apr 2014, 7:36 pm

Maybe, but I just don't feel like I need a relationship to feel close to somebody. As long as I'm skilled at finding common ground, relationships will not be necessary for me. Nice, sure, but not necessary. I don't need or want a lot of headache for so little benefit. If that's selfish of me, so be it.



peaceloveerin
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07 Apr 2014, 7:44 pm

It doesn't sound selfish at all!! I just feel awkward when people constantly ask me if I'm interested in a boyfriend!



Yuzu
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08 Apr 2014, 12:47 am

Yes I do. I can do a casual relationship where we see each other maybe twice a month.
I think I'm too selfish to commit to anything more serious than that.



yellowtamarin
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08 Apr 2014, 1:44 am

I have certainly felt this way in the recent past. But I think I am very unselfish in ways that a lot of people are selfish, so it sort of evens out. I've decided it's worth giving it a go if it happens...and if it turns out I feel like I'm being too selfish when I'm in the relationship, well, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.



MindBlind
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08 Apr 2014, 5:27 am

peaceloveerin wrote:
I certainly do. I don't mind being friends with the opposite sex, but I'm just too selfish and immature to have any kind of romantic relationship. Does anyone else feel this way?


I don't think you're being selfish or immature. In fact, I think you are being incredibly mature not to try and jump into something before you feel ready.



SolinaJoki
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08 Apr 2014, 12:26 pm

I have known my husband for 35 years and been with him as partners for 20 years. I am on the spectrum and he is more marginally on the spectrum, so we share a number of issues and he can understand me more than someone who is totally NT. I think given our Aspergerian features, we live life more "side by side" than intertwined as I see with NTs. Each evening, we are in the living room, each doing our own thing but side by side. There is little interaction, but having the other there feels very nice and cozy. If there is something that comes up to share, then that is good, but silence is very nice as well. I can see how this allows me to be self-centred without being selfish.

I feel very lucky to have what I do with him. I don't think it would work nearly as well if he were not on the spectrum himself.



hurtloam
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08 Apr 2014, 12:47 pm

Yes, I do. I've been thinking alot about this lately. I like my little apartment. I like having a big bed to myself. I like eating what I want to eat for dinner at a time when I want it. I like watching what I want to watch on tv. I like deciding what in the house needs spending money on i.e. what is a priority to be fixed/mended/replaced and what is not a priority.

I think that I would find if difficult to ajust to having someone else so close to me in my life. Even if they didn't live with me I would find it difficult to organize my time to fit someone else in.