Why does he keep trying to give me stuff? What do I do?!

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diniesaur
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01 May 2014, 1:51 am

First of all, I know I have a slight bias towards paranoia when someone starts to be too nice to me, so I'll try to keep that in mind.

But what does it mean when someone keeps trying to give you things? I have this person...I consider him an enjoyable acquaintance but that may be a "friend" depending on your definition (although we haven't done much feelings sharing or demonstrated emotional attachment, which is why I don't think he's a friend). We hang out (in the company of other people) and talk online sometimes and play D&D, and have bonded over both liking certain video games. Nice person.

But lately he's been trying to give me things that I can't make up for...I understand giving a little, like a few dollars to help out with gas or a meal or lending a book, but a $60 video game? We're both in college and although he has a job he's NOT got a lot of money and neither do I...which means I won't be able to pay him back any time soon! I don't even know how HE'S able to give people stuff like that.

I don't know if he does this to everyone or just certain people (although I don't think he can afford to do it to everyone, because like I said, he doesn't have much money). It's starting to confuse me since he's offered to try to get me two different video games in the last two days and I don't know how to respond. I feel weird accepting them even though I know I'll like them. Why is he doing this, and how do I respond? Does he expect something from me in return? Is there any way to make it up to him without money I don't have?



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01 May 2014, 2:38 am

Firstly, nerds such as myself vary just as much as everyone else in how long it takes us to warm up to people, and your friend is probably much more comfortable showing love to new friends of his. Or something more, though it REALLY isn't my place to say. There's a slight chance he mirrors some of my tendencies and would actually rather have a nice game collection than spare cash. That's precisely how I feel about my bikes, fast cars, programmer's supplies (mostly laptops & tablets, along with some great opensource toys), and for reference I also share a Steam account with some friends. We save a lot & play some awesome titles.

I can guarantee to you that a few free videogames will not hang over your head like the Oxford comma I just forced myself to use.


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01 May 2014, 5:03 am

Yes he does expect something in return, that's how humans are.

Maybe he's just trying to buy friendship, which is a lil geeky.
Maybe he's simply trying to bond with you as a friend.
Maybe he's a generous person.
Maybe he's not good with finances.
Maybe he's not good with impulse control.
Maybe he's just building future "collateral" for when something in his life goes goofy (it's inevitable) with the hopes that if you're in a good position at that time you'll reciprocate and help him.
Maybe he feels a bit sorry for you.
Maybe he's interested in an intimate/sexual relationship with you.
Maybe he's trying to form an "alliance" with you, which is kind of an NT behavior.
Maybe he just wants someone to play the game with and buying for you might make you more likely to do so.


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01 May 2014, 7:48 am

Is it possible that he's not actually proposing to give the games to you, but that he's suggesting that he'll buy them - because it's more convenient/he can get a good deal on them/whatever - and he expects you to refund him the money they cost?

If someone said to me that they would "try to get" me something I would not assume that they were giving me the something for free. I'd just think that they'd get it for me, and I'd then give them the money, so they weren't out of pocket.



nebrets
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01 May 2014, 11:22 am

He probably likes you as more than a friend and is trying to express his interest.


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Briareos
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01 May 2014, 12:59 pm

nebrets wrote:
He probably likes you as more than a friend and is trying to express his interest.

/\ This, I'd do similar things to express interest/show I'm thinking about the person. And personally, I wouldn't expect to be reimbursed for what is essentially a gift I'm giving..


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diniesaur
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01 May 2014, 6:37 pm

Briareos wrote:
nebrets wrote:
He probably likes you as more than a friend and is trying to express his interest.

/\ This, I'd do similar things to express interest/show I'm thinking about the person. And personally, I wouldn't expect to be reimbursed for what is essentially a gift I'm giving..


No, he has a girlfriend and I'm pretty sure they're monogamous. If he were, I'd feel even worse about accepting something like that since I'm really not in a position to date anyone right now.


But basically what I'm getting from you guys is that there could be a ton of different reasons for what he's doing. I feel like he's probably not good with finances if he's doing that--and I did tell him that I felt weird about that because I wouldn't be able to pay him back, so he knows about that. Otherwise, I'd think maybe he was just being going to get them because it would be more convenient and expect reimbursement.

He's not COMPLETELY Neurotypical (not full-blown Autistic either, though he does show some tendencies; but mostly, it's other things with him) but I can understand the trying to bond with me as a friend or make an "alliance" with me or something. That one about him wanting "collateral" for if he needs help later makes sense too. Maybe he's trying to make us be better friends than we are at the moment and that's his strategy?

I mentioned it to my mom and she said I shouldn't accept the games, but another friend of mine (the most Neurotypical friend I have) said I SHOULD accept them as long as I was okay with it.



Briareos
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01 May 2014, 7:01 pm

diniesaur wrote:
No, he has a girlfriend and I'm pretty sure they're monogamous. If he were, I'd feel even worse about accepting something like that since I'm really not in a position to date anyone right now.

Ah this is previously unknown information.

It could really be for any number of reasons. I might ask if he expects to be reimbursed for the games...if so, I wouldn't take them if I can't pay him back.


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VIDEODROME
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01 May 2014, 8:06 pm

Are you totally sure these are legitimate copies of the game and are not Pirated?

I've noticed that people who Pirate things like to share their stuff. I think it makes them feel cool as they provide an "underground" source of entertainment.



diniesaur
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01 May 2014, 8:14 pm

No, it's not pirated--it's mostly through Steam, and another thing being preordered. Some people DO pirate things in the place where I hang out a lot, and I can tell the difference because usually people say stuff like "Here, I have this free thing--who else wants it?" and pass it around on flash drives and stuff whereas when it's not pirated and costs money most people say things like "I don't have money for this..." or try to pool money together to get it to share or save up for it or something.

I can ask just to make sure he doesn't expect reimbursement (it never hurts, at least), but in the context of what we'd been saying I think he understands that I don't have the money for them and can't pay back, and that's why he offered to get them.



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02 May 2014, 10:52 am

VIDEODROME wrote:
Are you totally sure these are legitimate copies of the game and are not Pirated?

I've noticed that people who Pirate things like to share their stuff. I think it makes them feel cool as they provide an "underground" source of entertainment.


^^My thoughts exactly.



diniesaur
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04 May 2014, 9:39 pm

Oh, know, I know pirated stuff when I see it (as I mentioned previously). Besides, where we go, people are generally honest about whether or not they're pirating something. Instead of offering to buy me the game, he would probably have said something like "I have a pirated copy if you're interested..." or "It CAN be free, if you want it to..." or something like that. And this is through Steam, which is more difficult to pirate from.