Asperger's behavior, or teenager behavior?

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indigoiis
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21 Feb 2007, 10:28 am

Sometimes I don't know how to deal with my thirteen year old girl. I thank goodness that she is creative, not boy crazy, talks to me... but I see her struggle with her being "different" - I see inner turmoil. Just hormones or AS or both?

It's like, given the time, she THINKS too much. It's school vacation week here, and she seems worse than ever.



krex
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21 Feb 2007, 11:53 am

"She thinks to much"......my opinion....that is definitely not teenager(have you watched MTV lately) but classic AS.One thing many AS and teens share is total self absorbtion.Some people nievely think this is "selfish" but it is no different then a puppy tripping over it's own paws before it can learn to run.Just trying to figure out who you are,what the world is about,how you fit in it...all this stuff is hard work and requires a lot of time and focus....on yourself...because that is what you are trying to create...a self....an identity,seperate from...."my moms daughter,a student,a good kid"

What is "teenager"... is worrying that you are different....not because you mind being different but because of how others treat you.What is AS is not really wanting to change or not being able to change to pretend you are not different but wishing that everybody would stop needing everybody to be little mindless clones of each other because they are so afraid of others calling attention to that difference and riduculing it and sometimes beating you up for it.And what is even more AS is knowing that this whole process is taking place and knowing that it is really stupid but not being able to tell anyone else because you will just get this "vacant stare" in return and probably be told to "quit being such a freak"(and that is by your one and only friend...)Now,that is AS....in my humble opinion.


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indigoiis
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21 Feb 2007, 1:23 pm

Yeah, I can see that.
It seems to me almost self effacing in the way that she knows, and then it hurts her more that she knows.
And sometimes, even a little dramatic. She wrote me a letter last night that drove me here, asking these questions. The letter was both exceedingly mature and overly dramatic, and then, suddenly and without warning, laced with pragmatic statements. It was definitely an eye-opener. I am not quite sure what to make of it. She says she prefers writing to me, and she is an excellent writer. Probably prefers writing because then I am not responding (with judgement). I need to learn to listen to her better and not just offer this wall of advice. Cuz that's what I normally do. I'm like a fairy godmother - want to make it all better.

She amazes me, and dismays me. If she spent half the time she does on her creative endeavors on schoolwork, would she do better at school or is that a whole different ball of wax?

I am going to keep reading here and I am getting the Asperger's girl book...

thanks for your advice.

Indy



Goku
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21 Feb 2007, 2:27 pm

That's the hardest part I think - knowing how to listen and when to offer advise. Sometimes they just want to vent.

I know my relationship with my son improved greatly when I stopped assuming I knew what he was thinking and started listening and asking for more information. I was amazed to find out that my assumptions were so wrong and what he was really saying was something completely different than what I thought.



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27 Feb 2007, 5:53 am

School work can be boring so no wonder this young lady prefers working on her creative projects. If there were some way to relate some of these projects to school subjects you would then have the best of both worlds.

As an adolescent, I sensed I was different and had no idea why. I thought I was normal and other people were nuts. Starting a conversation with another person was scarier to me than facing a hungry lion.

Mum was fairly patient for a while but would then give a pep talk eg. "show other people you are interested in them". It was well meaning and should have worked but then I would have either very resentful thoughts or a crying fit and would say "you just don't understand!". Neither of us understood and it took years before I got a diagnosis and the mystery was resolved.

Even now, I really don't understand others very much.

So in answer to the question, part of this is just being a teenager and part is the Asperger's kicking in as well. Hard as it is, avoid being judgemental and giving pep talks because I can assure you, they don't work with people like us.


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