Staring at Strangers - Observing Human Behaviour

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ImAnAspie
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15 May 2014, 6:59 am

This thread is a spin-off from another thread about eye contact. It was decided this needed a topic of it's own:

I tend to (occasionally) stare at people. I always thought it went unnoticed until one day, my (ex-)partner (who was sitting next to me) said "Why are you staring at 'whoever the stranger was' I was staring at.

I like to sit in shopping centres and observe peoples' behaviour. Humans are strange creatures :huh:

Does anyone else stare at people or sit in malls/shopping centres and just observe peoples' behaviour, gait, what they do with their hands, etc?


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Joe90
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15 May 2014, 7:04 am

Yes it is quite normal for most people to stare at and observe strangers, what else would people look at whilst sitting on a bench in the middle of a busy place? I often catch people staring at me, although I try not to look at others, as I find it hard to look at people, unless it serves purpose. Just passing a stranger in the street is daunting for me to make eye contact with, yet making eye contact with a person who I know I'm going to have some sort of interaction with (friends, neighbours, family, colleagues, visitors, cashiers, bus-drivers, security guards, etc, etc etc), then it just comes naturally.


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ImAnAspie
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15 May 2014, 7:28 am

Joe90 wrote:
Yes it is quite normal for most people to stare at and observe strangers, what else would people look at whilst sitting on a bench in the middle of a busy place? I often catch people staring at me, although I try not to look at others, as I find it hard to look at people, unless it serves purpose. Just passing a stranger in the street is daunting for me to make eye contact with, yet making eye contact with a person who I know I'm going to have some sort of interaction with (friends, neighbours, family, colleagues, visitors, cashiers, bus-drivers, security guards, etc, etc etc), then it just comes naturally.


I don't know where you get your insight from but apparently, it's wrong. I have heard it said throughout my life, "It's impolite to stare". My ex-wife-girlfriend-thing was forever telling me not to stare and of all the people I have observed, very few of them actually stare.
linatet wrote:
... In asperger screening tests there is always a question "Do you tend to stare at people?".


Sometimes, if you don't know something, you don't know you don't know it until someone shows you, you don't know it... and then you know it - and vice versa! If that don't do your noodle in, nothing will, Joe90.


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kraftiekortie
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15 May 2014, 7:34 am

I stare at people sometimes. Especially if someone is saying nasty things to someone, doing nasty things to someone, or just saying nasty things to his/her self.

I'm always curious about (apparently) mentally ill people on the street; I look for a book of their thoughts. I want to read the contents of that book, no matter how jumbled/jangled, how "word-salady" that substance is.

I always want to know why a baby is crying. I always have to be re-directed, by whoever is with me, away from the crying baby. I REALLY want to know why the baby is crying, and I want to hold and comfort the baby, make funny faces, so the crying stops. These are situations where I evince my most "autistic" presentation.



ImAnAspie
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15 May 2014, 7:38 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
... and I want to hold and comfort the baby, make funny faces, so the crying stops...


You sound like a nice person, kraftiekortie. :)


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kraftiekortie
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15 May 2014, 7:49 am

Thanks for the compliment; I feel heartened by it.

I really feel a desire to be a caregiver--but my selfishness and self-absorption really get in the way. I also lack patience.

I'm a data-entry operator and I enjoy the isolation of my job. My interactions with my fellow-workers of often of the comedian-audience variety. I feel entertained; I hope my audience does as well. I don't participate frequently in the social give-and-take typically found in an office. My ability at my job has allowed me to keep it for 33 years.

If I could find a way out of the morass which is my present lot, I would then begin to accomplish something in life.

I stare at people because I'm curious, and I want to ease a person's distress immediately. I don't really understand, too well, how complex one's problems might be. I always want to convey an immediate solution. Perhaps that is why I'm not a psychotherapist.

Sorry for going on and on, like the Aspie that I am. :wink:



ImAnAspie
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15 May 2014, 7:57 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Thanks for the compliment; I feel heartened by it.

I really feel a desire to be a caregiver--but my selfishness and self-absorption really get in the way. I also lack patience.

I'm a data-entry operator and I enjoy the isolation of my job. My interactions with my fellow-workers of often of the comedian-audience variety. I feel entertained; I hope my audience does as well. I don't participate frequently in the social give-and-take typically found in an office. My ability at my job has allowed me to keep it for 33 years.

If I could find a way out of the morass which is my present lot, I would then begin to accomplish something in life.

I stare at people because I'm curious, and I want to ease a person's distress immediately. I don't really understand, too well, how complex one's problems might be. I always want to convey an immediate solution. Perhaps that is why I'm not a psychotherapist.

Sorry for going on and on, like the Aspie that I am. :wink:


:) You're fine. I do this too. We sound similar in some ways.


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kraftiekortie
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15 May 2014, 8:08 am

Off topic:

My wife's son went to Sydney with his boyfriend; he enjoyed it very much. He didn't mention the Opera House, though (which seems to be a symbol of Sydney, as well as a bridge which is quite similar to the Hell's Gate Bridge in New York City, where I reside).



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15 May 2014, 8:11 am

I don't really stare at anything in particular and certainly not on purpose but...

Women always think I am staring at their breasts. I don't look people in the eye, I look lower and slightly to one side. I definitely see why they would think I am staring at their breasts and why they pull their jacket over their torso or adjust the neckline of their shirt while giving me an evil glare in response... but it's tiresome! I don't even experience primary sexual attraction so I definitely am not staring at their breasts!

When I get deep in thought my gaze stays in a fixed position and I am often entirely unaware of what it is my eyes are pointing at... it has certainly gotten me into some awkward situations before!

I have on occasion sat in a public place and watched people... people stare at me A LOT and I find it very funny to watch people who are watching me... if you catch someone doing it and you look over at them, they immediately drop their gaze or pretend they were looking at something else and I can't help but wonder what they are thinking when this happens. Was it supposed to be a secret that they were watching me? Are they thinking oh s**t I've been spotted! :lol:

One time years ago I was practicing making eye contact with people and talking to people, so I went on a walk and decided to greet and make eye contact with everyone who crossed my path... I greeted a group of three Indian men, two of them ignored me, the third stopped and stared at me. It was very awkward because I was walking toward them and had greeted them from a distance, and I had told myself I would make eye contact. I think he took this as some sort of challenge... he seemed like he was going to fight me or something! He stared me down with such intensity, it was crazy! Once I had passed him I turned around to walk backward and keep eye contact because to me by then it had become funny, as if he thought I was confronting him somehow and he didn't want to back down so I played along or something :lol: I wonder how the situation seemed to him.



kraftiekortie
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15 May 2014, 8:14 am

I'm in New York City.

What you described within the 3rd paragraph and beyond is typical of what occurs in the New York City subways--Neurotypical and Spectrumite.



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15 May 2014, 8:41 am

When we go out to eat, we like to sit near the salad bar so we can watch people make their salads. I like to look at peoples' shoes too.


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AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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15 May 2014, 8:51 am

I have experimented with also trying to take in peripheral information, much like an athlete might.



kraftiekortie
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15 May 2014, 8:56 am

I tend to gaze peripherally if I don't want the person to know that I'm looking at (usually) her.

My peripheral vision is pretty poor. It's a problem when I drive, especially when I look to the right sie.



Joe90
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15 May 2014, 10:41 am

Wow, I can't believe how contradicting this site can be! I have come across multiple threads on here telling each other about how people stare at us, and even NT people have said that people do stare but don't always mean to stare, they just may be lost in their thoughts and happened to be staring at you. I always have people staring, people stare at me when I'm doing something unusual to another person or myself (which is rare), or when I'm just standing around or walking along normally, people will always stare or at least look, people like to observe others, what they're wearing and how they're acting, etc. You'll be surprised.

I was always told it was rude to point, laugh and stare at people, but I've had it happen to me so much. I remember when I was just in a supermarket, just doing some shopping and minding my own business, when I suddenly caught two women in their early to mid 20's staring at me. At first I didn't notice them there, but when one of them came and almost stood right on top of my feet, it automatically made me turn to look at her because I thought I might have been in her way or something, from the way she was standing so close, and as I happened to look I saw she was truly staring at me with big eyes. I gave a little smile and tried to just ignore and carry on doing what I was doing, but I still felt them both staring at me, and as I walked away with my shopping basket, I'm sure I saw them laughing. That got me paranoid (as it would any normal person), so I looked at them again because I was uncomfortable with the way they were behaving near me, and then when I see them again a few minutes later in the same shop, I saw them both look at me again then look at each other and grin. By now they had definitely got my attention and so I quickly paid for my shopping and walked out, feeling very self-conscious and left wondering what it was they were laughing at. And just because I'm Aspie doesn't mean I was doing anything weird or unusual, all I was doing was getting shopping like what most people enter a supermarket to do. No I wasn't stimming or wearing clothes that looked stupid, as I don't stim and I wear stylish clothes, not all Aspies look different and weird when we're out, and there was no reason for them to stare and laugh at me, as I know they wouldn't like it if the same was done to them.

I can't believe people here think it's only unique to Aspies to stare or look or observe, that is the most confusing thing I have ever read on WP....this week. :?


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Joe90
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15 May 2014, 10:45 am

http://uk.ask.com/question/why-do-people-stare

Hopefully this will answer your question.

Quote:
People stare for various reasons. They may stare because they find someone attractive, unusual, or abnormal. It is not polite to stare, especially if the person you are staring at has a physical characteristic that cannot be helped.
It is just a natural habit for people to stare. Everyone stares at people. You might be looking at there clothes or make up. People might stare at you because they find you attractive. Staring is just a normal thing for people to do.


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Last edited by Joe90 on 15 May 2014, 10:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

kraftiekortie
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15 May 2014, 10:46 am

I never stated staring is peculiar to Aspies.

Obviously, almost all people stare.