Phone Conversations

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I've always been bad at talking on the phone. I could never understand when I'm supposed to talk, when I'm supposed to hang up or end the conversation and the like. Generally speaking, the cell phone age was the best thing to happen for me cause I can now simply text/e-mail people's phones and articulate what I want to say. However, this has left a lot of people commenting on how impersonal I am.

One issue I have lots of trouble with is making the initial call. I have no problem shooting off an e-mail, text or IM to someone but picking up the phone and dialing is tough. I always second guess myself. I always ask myself things like "Will they want to talk to me?", "What if they're busy?", "Am I interrupting something?" or the like. And what's even weirder is the fact that I'll still feel this way, even if I have pre-arrangements or if I know the other person wants me to call them. My parents are a good example. They constantly chastise me for never calling (though they've backed off a lot since they heard of my diagnosis)j and even though I know they want to hear from me, I can't bring myself to call unless I "accidentally" press the button. Even my best friend, who has mentioned several times she prefers calls.

Anyway, does anyone ever feel anxiety like this? Is there any tips you can share?

Ditto in spades.

Telephone difficulties are known to be common with ASD.
For what it's worth, you're not alone.

Me too.
I hadn't thought of text or email as being impersonal.
It was suggested to me that it might help to write down what I want to say, and possible responses from the person, etc. before I make the call. Do you think that might be helpful for you?

phone calls give me anxiety and fear, so do skype calls.

Me too but I'm working hard to fight it... Because I need to practice my speaking in other languages. I hate to sound sexist of like a womanizer but I feel better talking to girls on those websites. Mostly because the guys only want to talk about sports and they also are always asking me to add them on skype to practice... With all my girl friends I can discuss my interests too and they always wanna hear about it whereas the guys will try to change the subject to some weird religious discussion. I have met one really nice guy though... Anyway I still don't use voice when doing it... I only use it for one person. My girlfriend... Other than that I'm even nervous talking to my family. I can also use game chat when I'm playing a video game without hassle. I remember one time when I tried doing the voice for practicing language speaking I just got so nervous and wanted to hang up the call every time, but I didn't because I didn't want to be rude. So I sat there silently for a little while nervous and confused. I don't like that feeling.

Wow, I can't even use game chat unless I'm in a private room with people I know. That's good at least.



I tend to do that in my head before I make a phone call. But it's tough sometimes, especially when they throw me for a loop.

I'm glad I'm not alone on this one though. It's tough because a lot of the time once I get over that initial hurdle things usually go OK. It's just getting over that hump that's frustrating. I feel almost like that guy calling to talk to the girl he likes, except with me that applies to everyone, even if I know they want to talk to me or it's just gonna be a chill conversation. Good example: my above mentioned friend wanted me to call her. It took me a while to will myself just to hit that button and call (this happens every time I make a call, irregardless of who it is unless I'm angry at them). But I ended up calling her twice and she didn't pick up. The third time it said she hung up on me (though later I found out she hit the wrong button). I pretty much gave up at this point and text her something like "sorry, not trying to bother you have a good one". But I eventually connected and things went very well. Still, I know the next time I chat it up with her I'll have difficulty calling.

I have the same problems. It leads to weird conversations. Others ask if I am still there because I don´t say anything when I should. I always am the person who waits until the other person hangs up because I know that it´s sure I can hang up then.


I also like cell phones because of this. I prefer it to write things down in general. I don´t find texting impersonal, but I know that there are people who find it because I got comments about this, too. I guess they prefer to listen to the "real" person, so they can hear the voice and have a better connection with the other person. I am not really sure about this theory.


That´s a big issue for me, too. When I send an e-mail I know that the person can read it when he wants to and has time for it. Before I make the initial call I ask myself the same quesions you ask.
I have a tip that could work for you and your parents: You could decide a certain day and time, maybe once a week or whatever, I don´t know how much contact you need. You know that your parents expect the call at this time and don´t plan other things for this moment. Furthermore they are happy about the call and you know that they want to hear from you.
But maybe that´s what you already mentioned with "pre-arrangements" and it doesnt´t work for you although I hope such an arrangement would help you.
Edit: You could try to explain your problems with initiating a call and let your parents initiate it at the certain day. I think they will understand that your behaviour has not a rude intention and so you both are happier because they can talk to you and you don´t have to initiate the call.

I have no trouble ringing my mum or siblings, in fact it is them who complain about my long monologues over the phone

As for other types of phone call, yes, it takes extra energy for me to make that call, and I need to script the phone call, at least in my head, before I ring.

Also, I find it difficult when the conversation doesn't go as expected, i.e. if the other person asks me a question out of context, or uses a phrase I don't know.

Thanks for the advice. I talked to my mom about it and she said I was "hiding behind my diagnosis" and that it "shouldn't be an issue to call". *sigh* I wish my parents understood that Autism isn't a bad thing but it does come with certain difficulties.

I am the worst on the phone, I pace around the house when I use it and the lead up to actually making a call is sometimes almost unbearable. If I am leaving a voice mail for work sometimes I write out what I want to say on a piece of paper and then read it like a script, it may sound awkward but the alternative is usually incoherent rambling.

My family all got a kick out of this scene in Despicable Me 2 and all said that it is me to a T. (Starts at :57)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TYyjb2VU-_w[/youtube]

That's awesome, I thought of that scene while I was creating this topic. Though I'd never use a flamethrower on my phone cause I don't have fire department minions.

I will often decline someone's call and text them.
Another problem that I have is not knowing where to hold the phone so that you can hear the other person but you can also speak into it.

I absolutely hate talking on the phone. To me, it is awkward hearing a persons voice but not seeing their face. It also makes me nervous because I feel like I'm bothering someone when I call their house. Email, texting, and IM are much better alternatives for me.

Yes, a lot of this applies to me.

When it's a non-social, business-type call, it's not so bad if I initiate it. I will have worked out my agenda in advance, and am quite articulate in pursuing it. This applies to ordering goods, making enquiries, and the like.

When it's people calling me, trying to sell me things, I need to tell them I'm not interested pretty quickly. The longer I let them go on, the less in control I feel, and it occasionally results in a mini-meltdown!

It's with the social conversations that I have the most problems. Just about all the ones mentioned in this thread, especially interrupting the other person, being thrown into confusion by an unexpected question, and not being able to think of much to say. A person who used to ring me quite often (too often) would frequently say, "You know why I'm talking so much, don't you? It's because you're not!" Ho,ho,ho . Thanks.

My first land-line telephone was called a "Family and Friends" phone, which made me cringe for some reason!

It takes a lot for me to wanna call some of my friends just to talk to them, part of me feels like I'm interrupting them from doing something like work or something.

Answering phone:

Me: "Hello?
Caller: "Hello! Bluex?"
Me: "Yes."
Caller: "I'm uncle X!"
Me: [say nothing]
Caller: "... How are you?"
Me: "Er ... hello."
Caller: "Is your mom there?"
Me: [gives phone to mother]