How to get a girlfriend?

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Hi all!

I created this topic so that we can share our experiences with each other regarding getting a girlfriend. I am talking about specifically getting a girlfriend here, because in most societies males are the ones who are expected to initiate, to begin to get in touch with a woman.

I have A LOT of problems with trying to start a relationship with someone for many reasons. It seems that I am very indifferent to signals people send me in conversations I am unable to tell who is interested in me and who is not, I also find social situations very confusing and demanding. It is also very problematic to become friends first with a girl because I am always afraid that I do something which is socially unacceptable, there are times when I just lock myself away because it is less painful to not have people around who may reject me because of my different behavior.

Did any of you have any success in getting into a good relationship? If yes how did you do it, what steps did you take?

Thanks.

Welcome... I've both initiated relationships and have had men initiate them with me. The ones I initiated went better for me. I'm pretty strait forward if I like someone. And I know pretty quickly if I do or don't. But I tend to stumble upon people rather than pursuing anyone who can fit the boyfriend role.

Its not a great idea to limit yourself to only people here, or only Redheads, Romanians or girl's named Rhonda. A good match is hard to find, so look everywhere. Except behind doors marked 'Don't dead open inside'.

My first step with my partner, was to secretly lob an orange at her, like a grenade, over a room divider.

I am not suggesting you go out and buy fruit. Just don't be timid. Not in this.

Beware, this thread might be perceived as sexist by some and got locked! Muhahaha.

The thread is not sexist, though repeating this (very wrong in North America) notion that men have to be the initiators is sexist (and, once again, totally false -- if women aren't coming on to you, it's not because they believe they can't, it's because they don't want to).

Not being able to pick up on signals is a big problem, and what might help most in that case is a trusted friend who can notice these things for you, or can explain to a woman that she really has to be very, very direct with you or you won't get it. Keep in mind, though, that if she relies on hints, flirty things, etc., and you can't pick up on these things and that's her language, you're in for a whole relationship's worth of trouble unless she can (and wants to) change her romantic communication completely. Flirting, teasing, hinting, all that stuff goes on throughout relationships and usually is part of what sustains them. And it can be a very big problem in marriages if one partner's socially adept and communicates indirectly, and the other needs not only very direct communication all the time, but still may not understand what he's supposed to do or why. Or accept that socially important things really are important for him to do. If you can find a woman who can not only be very direct with you, but can accept your troubles with social situations and not decide it's her job to "improve" you, then you've got something -- but, you know, this isn't going to be just anyone.

Is there a GRASP or other aspie group near you? It might be helpful to start with women who don't expect or engage in the language of flirtation, people who are inclined to be very straightforward. It doesn't mean magic will happen, that there'll guaranteed be someone you click with, but you might remove a lot of obstacles that way. Also, women who don't identify as aspie but are simply quiet and straightforward, the kind of woman who doesn't go out much and isn't usually in the middle of a social mob...those might be women who find you and your straightforwardness attractive.

If your going to wait for a woman to make the first move, bring a good book, lunch... in fact you better bring an overnight bag. And don't forget your medications. Enough to last maybe 20-30 years should do it.

No I am not saying it can't happen. I know it does. But I think only a small percentage of women will initiate contact. The other 80% will wait for you, except perhaps for very subtle hints, camoflauged better then a Navy Seal could do, that few men will ever notice or read correctly.

On one level its just math, doing what you can to increase your chances of finding a companion. I am just talking about the first step. You can't spend the rest of your lives throwing fruit at one another. Well... I guess technically you could. And maybe as advanced apes it might tap into some primitive instincts and feel wonderful. But I don't suggest it.

The fruit is offered... if they take a bite... perhaps love awaits. But you can kiss the paradise stuff goodbye.

The stench of desperation is a real big turn off to women. Beware and be aware.

one word: confidence

If you feel a spark try asking if you can hug the person. Like when you're ending the visit and saying goodbye. A hug can tell you a lot about potential physical compatibility.

The main obstacle is that in order to get a girlfriend you need to go around to get to know and speak with many people - especially females - and I have to say that I don`t really like speaking with too many people, because I find socializing very tiring and excruciating, maybe because I always have to pay attention, lest I say something not acceptable or it may be troublesome to find topics to talk about with others.

I wonder how you deal with these feelings in your everyday life. The memories coming fromm childhood bullying also drag your self-esteem down...