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I have feelings for a 9 year old girl???

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Kiriae
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03 Jun 2014, 10:32 am

Aristophanes wrote:
As someone who was sexually abused as a child I can tell you that the effects of abuse never go away-- you're basically giving her a life sentence at age 9 if you touch her.

I agree with that.
When I was 10 I was sexually abused by a 15 year old boy. Fortunately my memory about it got blank but I remember I didn't like it and I got a stomachache lasting a few weeks afterwards. I was afraid it is going to be always like that when I "do what adults do" so I got totally asexual till my early 20ties. Then I become lesbian. Currently I am starting to think about being with a man but it still scares me out and I still have nearly no experience on this field.
I blame him for this.

So no matter what you do - don't touch her.



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03 Jun 2014, 11:32 am

As I read what he wrote, he says he has no intention of touching her and wouldn't be interested in even having a conversation with her, due to age difference. From what I can tell, he grew up with his generation and now is looking at a following generation. At some point, every normal person gets the ability to look at younger people and get some sort of intuitive impression of how they will develop. The OP is at an age where most of the girls he has grown up with are developing into young women. The really significant part is that the young man believes she will be attractive in the future, not now.

From what I can tell, the OP is probably just in a bit of shock that he is able to make such projections based on his life experience. To be honest, as I said above, I can look at a young girl, see that she will be a doll at nineteen, and also see she will likely be gruesome at forty. And, based on behavior, I can also see how she will probably handle life. For instance, I can get a pretty good idea if she will depend on her cuteness early in life for getting what she wants, then when her looks are gone, she will be an embittered on top of gruesome, which often occurs. Your twentieth and thirtieth class reunions will be informative surprises. At my point in life, there are little girls who I can see will turn into dolls, but based on other intuitive indicators, I would want a son of mine to stay far away from them.

My advise to the OP remains the same - do nothing. Don't get involved with her. Don't conclude you are a pervert or pedophile in the making. Don't let people try to cast the shame of rape or pedophilia on you. As time goes on, the same observations of your generation and following generations will allow you to get an idea about all sorts of things. Hopefully, if you have children, you will have made many observations and built a broad range of ability to make projections toward the future. Actually, that intuition is critical to guiding children, understanding their talents, and keeping them out of trouble. The same intuitive ability will allow you to assess the children your kids are associating with.



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03 Jun 2014, 12:09 pm

SoftwareEngineer wrote:
As I read what he wrote, he says he has no intention of touching her and wouldn't be interested in even having a conversation with her, due to age difference. From what I can tell, he grew up with his generation and now is looking at a following generation. At some point, every normal person gets the ability to look at younger people and get some sort of intuitive impression of how they will develop. The OP is at an age where most of the girls he has grown up with are developing into young women. The really significant part is that the young man believes she will be attractive in the future, not now.

From what I can tell, the OP is probably just in a bit of shock that he is able to make such projections based on his life experience. To be honest, as I said above, I can look at a young girl, see that she will be a doll at nineteen, and also see she will likely be gruesome at forty. And, based on behavior, I can also see how she will probably handle life. For instance, I can get a pretty good idea if she will depend on her cuteness early in life for getting what she wants, then when her looks are gone, she will be an embittered on top of gruesome, which often occurs. Your twentieth and thirtieth class reunions will be informative surprises. At my point in life, there are little girls who I can see will turn into dolls, but based on other intuitive indicators, I would want a son of mine to stay far away from them.

My advise to the OP remains the same - do nothing. Don't get involved with her. Don't conclude you are a pervert or pedophile in the making. Don't let people try to cast the shame of rape or pedophilia on you. As time goes on, the same observations of your generation and following generations will allow you to get an idea about all sorts of things. Hopefully, if you have children, you will have made many observations and built a broad range of ability to make projections toward the future. Actually, that intuition is critical to guiding children, understanding their talents, and keeping them out of trouble. The same intuitive ability will allow you to assess the children your kids are associating with.


You know, sometimes little girls turn into people too..... :)


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03 Jun 2014, 12:22 pm

SoftwareEngineer wrote:
As I read what he wrote, he says he has no intention of touching her and wouldn't be interested in even having a conversation with her, due to age difference. From what I can tell, he grew up with his generation and now is looking at a following generation. At some point, every normal person gets the ability to look at younger people and get some sort of intuitive impression of how they will develop. The OP is at an age where most of the girls he has grown up with are developing into young women. The really significant part is that the young man believes she will be attractive in the future, not now.

From what I can tell, the OP is probably just in a bit of shock that he is able to make such projections based on his life experience. To be honest, as I said above, I can look at a young girl, see that she will be a doll at nineteen, and also see she will likely be gruesome at forty. And, based on behavior, I can also see how she will probably handle life. For instance, I can get a pretty good idea if she will depend on her cuteness early in life for getting what she wants, then when her looks are gone, she will be an embittered on top of gruesome, which often occurs. Your twentieth and thirtieth class reunions will be informative surprises. At my point in life, there are little girls who I can see will turn into dolls, but based on other intuitive indicators, I would want a son of mine to stay far away from them.

My advise to the OP remains the same - do nothing. Don't get involved with her. Don't conclude you are a pervert or pedophile in the making. Don't let people try to cast the shame of rape or pedophilia on you. As time goes on, the same observations of your generation and following generations will allow you to get an idea about all sorts of things. Hopefully, if you have children, you will have made many observations and built a broad range of ability to make projections toward the future. Actually, that intuition is critical to guiding children, understanding their talents, and keeping them out of trouble. The same intuitive ability will allow you to assess the children your kids are associating with.


i'm sorry, but if you're already objectifying and stereotyping girls at age 9, you have serious problems because that is NOT normal.



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03 Jun 2014, 12:42 pm

SoftwareEngineer wrote:
As I read what he wrote, he says he has no intention of touching her and wouldn't be interested in even having a conversation with her, due to age difference. From what I can tell, he grew up with his generation and now is looking at a following generation. At some point, every normal person gets the ability to look at younger people and get some sort of intuitive impression of how they will develop. The OP is at an age where most of the girls he has grown up with are developing into young women. The really significant part is that the young man believes she will be attractive in the future, not now.

From what I can tell, the OP is probably just in a bit of shock that he is able to make such projections based on his life experience. To be honest, as I said above, I can look at a young girl, see that she will be a doll at nineteen, and also see she will likely be gruesome at forty. And, based on behavior, I can also see how she will probably handle life. For instance, I can get a pretty good idea if she will depend on her cuteness early in life for getting what she wants, then when her looks are gone, she will be an embittered on top of gruesome, which often occurs. Your twentieth and thirtieth class reunions will be informative surprises. At my point in life, there are little girls who I can see will turn into dolls, but based on other intuitive indicators, I would want a son of mine to stay far away from them.

My advise to the OP remains the same - do nothing. Don't get involved with her. Don't conclude you are a pervert or pedophile in the making. Don't let people try to cast the shame of rape or pedophilia on you. As time goes on, the same observations of your generation and following generations will allow you to get an idea about all sorts of things. Hopefully, if you have children, you will have made many observations and built a broad range of ability to make projections toward the future. Actually, that intuition is critical to guiding children, understanding their talents, and keeping them out of trouble. The same intuitive ability will allow you to assess the children your kids are associating with.


That all sounds great but the post is titled "I have feelings for a 9 year old girl" and it's posted in Love and Dating...regardless of the qualifiers the OP used in his post the title and location of thread tell me pretty much all I need to know about the situation. Yes, I read the OP mention "when she's 18", but he's still looking at a 9 year old in a sexual manner. I'm sorry if it offends you, but it's not healthy for a teenager to be having sexual thoughts about someone that's in second or third grade. Yes, you can look at a younger person and say "they're going to be handsome/pretty when they grow up", that's just intuitive like you said and I agree good looking kids generally grow up to be good looking adults, but that's a whole lot different than fantasizing about "being with her when she turns 18". My advice to the OP is find someone your own age for your fantasy sessions and let children be children.



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03 Jun 2014, 1:19 pm

SoftwareEngineer wrote:
At my point in life, there are little girls who I can see will turn into dolls

You know, sometimes little girls turn into people too..... :)


Interesting. Have you considered the possibility I am expressing optimism a young girl, at some future point, might be a stunningly attractive young lady?


starvingartist wrote:
i'm sorry, but if you're already objectifying and stereotyping girls at age 9, you have serious problems because that is NOT normal.


Where is the objectification?


Aristophanes wrote:
That all sounds great but the post is titled "I have feelings for a 9 year old girl" and it's posted in Love and Dating...


Bogus. You are one of the prime people who has turned L&D into the place to discuss subjects far beyond Love and Dating, no matter how horrible - you have no complaint. You are one of the people who has turned L&D into the Rape and Murder sub-forum. And, you are one of the first in line trying to shame and vilify a young person who comes here for help. The same pattern is used by malevolent individuals to help autistic people understand how worthless and unacceptable they are, which really isn't any help at all, it's purely destructive.



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03 Jun 2014, 1:29 pm

SoftwareEngineer wrote:
SoftwareEngineer wrote:
At my point in life, there are little girls who I can see will turn into dolls

You know, sometimes little girls turn into people too..... :)


Interesting. Have you considered the possibility I am expressing optimism a young girl, at some future point, might be a stunningly attractive young lady?


starvingartist wrote:
i'm sorry, but if you're already objectifying and stereotyping girls at age 9, you have serious problems because that is NOT normal.


Where is the objectification?


Aristophanes wrote:
That all sounds great but the post is titled "I have feelings for a 9 year old girl" and it's posted in Love and Dating...


Bogus. You are one of the prime people who has turned L&D into the place to discuss subjects far beyond Love and Dating, no matter how horrible - you have no complaint. You are one of the people who has turned L&D into the Rape and Murder sub-forum. And, you are one of the first in line trying to shame and vilify a young person who comes here for help. The same pattern is used by malevolent individuals to help autistic people understand how worthless and unacceptable they are, which really isn't any help at all, it's purely destructive.


telling a 15 year old boy that having sexual feelings for a 9 year old girl is not healthy is not "vilification" by any stretch of the imagination--it's merely the truth. it is NOT healthy to have sexual feelings for children. and the OP is the one who chose to post this thread in the subforum it's in, not aristophanes or anyone else.



Last edited by starvingartist on 03 Jun 2014, 1:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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03 Jun 2014, 1:30 pm

SoftwareEngineer wrote:
Interesting. Have you considered the possibility I am expressing optimism a young girl, at some future point, might be a stunningly attractive young lady?


Interesting. Have you considered the possibility that maybe "doll" isn't the best word to use here? I'm sure the hypothetical 9 yr old you speak of would appreciate your optimism and faith in her though, at least until she gets too old to use her cuteness to get what she wants and she becomes "embittered and gruesome" to behold, as you put it.


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03 Jun 2014, 1:35 pm

Nights_Like_These wrote:
SoftwareEngineer wrote:
Interesting. Have you considered the possibility I am expressing optimism a young girl, at some future point, might be a stunningly attractive young lady?


Interesting. Have you considered the possibility that maybe "doll" isn't the best word to use here? I'm sure the hypothetical 9 yr old you speak of would appreciate your optimism and faith in her though, at least until she gets too old to use her cuteness to get what she wants and she becomes "embittered and gruesome" to behold, as you put it.


What if that word had been used by a grandmother who, speaking to her granddaughter sitting on her knee, proudly predicting, "Young lady, you are beautiful. You will grow up to be a doll. You are gramma's little China doll"?



Last edited by SoftwareEngineer on 03 Jun 2014, 1:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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03 Jun 2014, 1:44 pm

starvingartist wrote:
SoftwareEngineer wrote:
SoftwareEngineer wrote:
At my point in life, there are little girls who I can see will turn into dolls

You know, sometimes little girls turn into people too..... :)


Interesting. Have you considered the possibility I am expressing optimism a young girl, at some future point, might be a stunningly attractive young lady?


starvingartist wrote:
i'm sorry, but if you're already objectifying and stereotyping girls at age 9, you have serious problems because that is NOT normal.


Where is the objectification?


Aristophanes wrote:
That all sounds great but the post is titled "I have feelings for a 9 year old girl" and it's posted in Love and Dating...


Bogus. You are one of the prime people who has turned L&D into the place to discuss subjects far beyond Love and Dating, no matter how horrible - you have no complaint. You are one of the people who has turned L&D into the Rape and Murder sub-forum. And, you are one of the first in line trying to shame and vilify a young person who comes here for help. The same pattern is used by malevolent individuals to help autistic people understand how worthless and unacceptable they are, which really isn't any help at all, it's purely destructive.


telling a 15 year old boy that having sexual feelings for a 9 year old girl is not healthy is not "vilification" by any stretch of the imagination--it's merely the truth. it is NOT healthy to have sexual feelings for children. and the OP is the one who chose to post this thread in the subforum it's in, not aristophanes or anyone else.


Well, this is the tricky part. Of course, it's not wrong to tell a 15 year-old kid not to have sexual feelings for a nine year-old. However, it is very wrong to cast him as having those feelings when he has explicitly said "Its not like a crush, I can't imagine myself having an 'intelligent' or what appears to be intelligent to me conversation with her..." In short order, his original statement was re-cast to something entirely different and he has been chastised based on the cast image, which is in contradiction to his actual statement.



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03 Jun 2014, 1:58 pm

SoftwareEngineer wrote:
Nights_Like_These wrote:
SoftwareEngineer wrote:
Interesting. Have you considered the possibility I am expressing optimism a young girl, at some future point, might be a stunningly attractive young lady?


Interesting. Have you considered the possibility that maybe "doll" isn't the best word to use here? I'm sure the hypothetical 9 yr old you speak of would appreciate your optimism and faith in her though, at least until she gets too old to use her cuteness to get what she wants and she becomes "embittered and gruesome" to behold, as you put it.


What if that word had been used by a grandmother who, speaking to her granddaughter sitting on her knee, proudly predicting, "Young lady, you are beautiful. You will grow up to be a doll. You are gramma's little China doll"?


Well, one could argue that if you spend all of your time complimenting a child on their looks, they're going to grow up believing that this is the only thing they're good at, 'looking good', but your scenario is irrelevent because I'm talking about you, not a grandmother talking to her grandchild.


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03 Jun 2014, 2:03 pm

SoftwareEngineer wrote:
What if that word had been used by a grandmother who, speaking to her granddaughter sitting on her knee, proudly predicting, "Young lady, you are beautiful. You will grow up to be a doll. You are gramma's little China doll"?


Yeah, I really don't see the grandmother then saying "I really wonder what it'll be like to be with you when you're 18." *wink**wink*

SoftwareEngineer wrote:
Well, this is the tricky part. Of course, it's not wrong to tell a 15 year-old kid not to have sexual feelings for a nine year-old. However, it is very wrong to cast him as having those feelings when he has explicitly said "Its not like a crush, I can't imagine myself having an 'intelligent' or what appears to be intelligent to me conversation with her..." In short order, his original statement was re-cast to something entirely different and he has been chastised based on the cast image, which is in contradiction to his actual statement.


What this statement sounds like to me, especially when put into context of being in the Love and Dating forum is that he has no emotional attachment to her whatsoever, she is
in effect a piece of meat to him but he can't have the meat until it's 18 or it'd be illegal. Let me paraphrase what I heard in the original post: "She's like 9 and I can't bang her until she's 18. It's not like I could have intelligent conversation with her anyways, but she's gonna be smokin' when she's legal." I'm sorry, not cool dude, not cool at all.

Perhaps you have to have been raped at around the same age as her to understand my concern here, but I'm telling you this isn't healthy for the OP and it runs the potential to be devastating for the innocent 9 year old in question. Most teenagers have no empathy, poor impulse control, and no concept of lasting consequences-- I'm not about to encourage one to continue fantasizing about a mere child.



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03 Jun 2014, 2:04 pm

Aristophanes wrote:
SoftwareEngineer wrote:
What if that word had been used by a grandmother who, speaking to her granddaughter sitting on her knee, proudly predicting, "Young lady, you are beautiful. You will grow up to be a doll. You are gramma's little China doll"?


Yeah, I really don't see the grandmother then saying "I really wonder what it'll be like to be with you when you're 18." *wink**wink*


^^and also this


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03 Jun 2014, 2:05 pm

Nights_Like_These wrote:
SoftwareEngineer wrote:
Nights_Like_These wrote:
SoftwareEngineer wrote:
Interesting. Have you considered the possibility I am expressing optimism a young girl, at some future point, might be a stunningly attractive young lady?


Interesting. Have you considered the possibility that maybe "doll" isn't the best word to use here? I'm sure the hypothetical 9 yr old you speak of would appreciate your optimism and faith in her though, at least until she gets too old to use her cuteness to get what she wants and she becomes "embittered and gruesome" to behold, as you put it.


What if that word had been used by a grandmother who, speaking to her granddaughter sitting on her knee, proudly predicting, "Young lady, you are beautiful. You will grow up to be a doll. You are gramma's little China doll"?


Well, one could argue that if you spend all of your time complimenting a child on their looks, they're going to grow up believing that this is the only thing they're good at, 'looking good', but your scenario is irrelevent because I'm talking about you, not a grandmother talking to her grandchild.


Given, you state a hypothetical if/then scenario, but how did the context get maximized to "all of your time"? How is that maximization reasonable?

What parameter makes the scenario irrelevant - gender, age, relationship? If the word is inappropriate for one, but not another, what are the rules and how are they applied?



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03 Jun 2014, 2:07 pm

SoftwareEngineer wrote:
Nights_Like_These wrote:
SoftwareEngineer wrote:
Nights_Like_These wrote:
SoftwareEngineer wrote:
Interesting. Have you considered the possibility I am expressing optimism a young girl, at some future point, might be a stunningly attractive young lady?


Interesting. Have you considered the possibility that maybe "doll" isn't the best word to use here? I'm sure the hypothetical 9 yr old you speak of would appreciate your optimism and faith in her though, at least until she gets too old to use her cuteness to get what she wants and she becomes "embittered and gruesome" to behold, as you put it.


What if that word had been used by a grandmother who, speaking to her granddaughter sitting on her knee, proudly predicting, "Young lady, you are beautiful. You will grow up to be a doll. You are gramma's little China doll"?


Well, one could argue that if you spend all of your time complimenting a child on their looks, they're going to grow up believing that this is the only thing they're good at, 'looking good', but your scenario is irrelevent because I'm talking about you, not a grandmother talking to her grandchild.


Given, you state a hypothetical if/then scenario, but how did the context get maximized to "all of your time"? How is that maximization reasonable?

What parameter makes the scenario irrelevant - gender, age, relationship? If the word is inappropriate for one, but not another, what are the rules and how are they applied?


See the post above yours...


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03 Jun 2014, 2:14 pm

SoftwareEngineer wrote:
Nights_Like_These wrote:
SoftwareEngineer wrote:
Nights_Like_These wrote:
SoftwareEngineer wrote:
Interesting. Have you considered the possibility I am expressing optimism a young girl, at some future point, might be a stunningly attractive young lady?


Interesting. Have you considered the possibility that maybe "doll" isn't the best word to use here? I'm sure the hypothetical 9 yr old you speak of would appreciate your optimism and faith in her though, at least until she gets too old to use her cuteness to get what she wants and she becomes "embittered and gruesome" to behold, as you put it.


What if that word had been used by a grandmother who, speaking to her granddaughter sitting on her knee, proudly predicting, "Young lady, you are beautiful. You will grow up to be a doll. You are gramma's little China doll"?


Well, one could argue that if you spend all of your time complimenting a child on their looks, they're going to grow up believing that this is the only thing they're good at, 'looking good', but your scenario is irrelevent because I'm talking about you, not a grandmother talking to her grandchild.


Given, you state a hypothetical if/then scenario, but how did the context get maximized to "all of your time"? How is that maximization reasonable?

What parameter makes the scenario irrelevant - gender, age, relationship? If the word is inappropriate for one, but not another, what are the rules and how are they applied?


well you see, there are these forces acting on human behaviour, called "cultural influence". for example, many little girls are still told all the time that they are pretty, when the same people don't say such things to boys about how they look. this gives girls the impression growing up that their value is essentially based in their appearance (and this influence starts very very young), and i think we can all acknowledge how toxic this is. when considering situations like looking at a 9 year old girl and thinking about how attractive she is/might be, one might consider these cultural influences as well, as they may be relevant to the situation. or, if you choose, you can look at things solely from a very narrow perspective and not consider other factors, if you're into that sort of thing. i think it only fair to warn you though, that if you're going to choose to stick with the narrow perspective, you're going to miss a lot in your observations of humanity, and therefore likely reach many faulty conclusions. just sayin'.