how to kindly rebuff on okcupid??

Post Reply New Topic

I would like some advice on how to rebuff people kindly on okcupid.

Currently I just ignore messages but I feel that is rude so would like a pleasant thing I could say if I dont want to talk. Most messages are from 80% enemies so I know we wont get on.

thanks

How about "Thank you for taking the time to read my profile and write. Unfortunately, I do not see enough common ground to pursue further communications. Best of luck to you -(name)." I would have appreciated that a lot more than the BS excuses I usually get.

You could just post on your profile "Please do not message me unless we have a high match percentage." I have seen profiles that state this and usually I have a low match with them lol, but it deters me from messaging them.

gah! I logged in determined to open and reply to my messages, but I feel so overwhelmed by it, I just cant.

Some background info, Im in my late 30s, very overweight, have 4 kids, and aspergers which it says all this on my profile, yet I have 16 messages all going 'oh your so beautiful, I love your eyes...' even from 26 year olds and a chap in Israel, what the hell is that all about.

I cant imagine any of these are genuine, they must just reply to anyone logged in. Some people have high match tho but I dont like that they are talking about my looks as its hard to think of something to say to that apart from 'well you clearly have poor judgement then lol'. Also Im very self conscious about my writing as Im a bit dyslexic and bad at writing as well as social deficits.

I shant go through the messages now as its just too many replies to write and if your logged in they just send more.

I might post here the funny 'english as a second language' one from a chap in belgium if anyone wants lols at his expense?

^ Why not? It beats reading the BS here that gets spoken about women and the people who respond to them, believing that they're actually being listened to.

Honestly, where is the bloody action?? I'm fed up with it. It's all bickering and nothing is getting solved in this bloody forum. It's all hot air. Nobody is doing a thing. It'll all be over in a couple of weeks and hey, it will all go back to normal...if it hasn't done already. All I'm seeing that is new is a few big threads with the same bickering, with just a few added women arguing back. That is all I am seeing. Oh, and I'm also seeing a couple of guys who apologise and then continue because none of them have learnt a damned thing.

Sorry Lotusblossom, just venting my frustrations. Yes, as I said, post about him. It'll be a good distraction.

I encountered a few creeps on OKcupid. I guess I should've posted my photo at the time, but meh, I really hated it, almost as much as Facebook.

You do have pretty eyes.

Well Lotusblossom, were you sent by God to men?

And thank you! I don't think I've ever seen you without make-up, but I'm sure you don't need it.

You are right about the WP thing, or a lot of them anyway.

I just want to say: good on you, lotusblossom, for actually thinking about this. I agree that ignoring genuine personal messages (from guys who seem to have taken the time to read your profile) is rude, though I think ignoring the spam ones (same message sent to many) is absolutely fine.

Just say something like "Sorry, but I don't think that we have much in common. I appreciate your message though, and I wish you all the best."

I also find the whole "ignoring" thing to be kind of rude, especially if someone actually puts some thought into their message.

smudge, there's action, it's just not happening overnight. I am after all a working single mom. This sort of thing can take a few months. But yes, things are happening.

About tons of wtf-type OKC messages: yeah, there are guys who will just message anything alive. I didn't even have a photo up and I'd get comments on my photo. Just ignore them, you don't owe them an answer. If a guy writes and sounds sincere, but just doesn't sound like a match, then I like that polite response.

Also, if you get messages that are offensive, report them, don't just brush them off. The admins don't know a guy's a creep unless people tell them so.