Feeling destroyed

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I am having a really rough go of things now....depressions really starting to take its toll. I have nothing, and I sincerely just want to disappear. No matter what circumstances come into play I can never seem to change my current situation. My mom NEVER wants anything to do with me. I asked her about going out with me tomorrow night and she almost completely flat out refused. I have another friend but he's busy frequently and sleeps all the time. I have been trapped like this for about a year or so now. In the past I have been afraid to come out and say this stuff because I felt I would be judged by other people for being majorly depressed. I just want answers and help, and I'll do anything to get better at this point and sneak out of this rut. My dad is inhumane and unhelpful, and my other family is dysfunctional. Nobody else seems to give a **** about me, and I have no hobbies or interests right now to keep me afloat. Whatever I try I just don't seem to be good at it. I hate my job but will be kicked out of my house if I quit. I'm in danger of losing my education, because of inadequate funds and have no other options to rectify it.
I feel utterly destroyed and just want to take myself off this planet. I want to give up, fighting to me seems useless. What good is trying if nothing will work in the end? I feel like I have run out of time to at least form other friendships as I live in a very small town and most people who live here already have their circle of friends and talking to them almost always backfires. The same thing happens at community college I attend, because its a commuter school and everyone already has their groups formed I'm left out and isolated all the time. Getting a girlfriend is even tougher because of the same problems, and most of the good girls have someone already. I feel blocked. I have started therapy but with the depression having already lasted this long it doesn't seem like that will help to completely dislodge it and my mom is against anti-depressant medication, even though I really need it. I can't bear to start everything over again.
Aspergers and SA are absolutely ruining my life and smashing it to a pulp. What's life when your almost mute and can't even handle a simple convo with someone? Even worse when people discriminate you due to a disability. I just can't do this anymore. Everything sucks and I really am in a terrible position. I am literally picked on by people at school. Everyone calls me a geek because of the intelligence I have. I never get to do anything, my mom always restricts me and I can't ever fight back because..........let's not go there. I hate my life right now, more than ever before. I just want this living nightmare of a life to end. I try to change but its always there's nothing that can be done due to my food allergy and disabilities. I have a milk allergy also, and some psychotic tendencies, and physical symptoms due to the depression. These are very severe at times and cause me trauma.

Please someone help me. I need someone to talk to who will understand, nobody does right now.

Hi there,

I'm sorry you feel this way. Please note that you are not alone. On this site, there are quite a few people who are in a similar "boat" to you.

Have you any special interests? If so, I would pursue it.

You definitely have something to contribute to the world; it would be a waste if you weren't around.

Are you religious in any way? Even if you're not religious, perhaps you could talk to a minister. They usually have at least some training in counseling.

I'm sure there will be other people who will be able to offer you advice to supplement mine.

I would also place a call to some sort of counseling hotline, where you could talk to someone who, perhaps, has been through what you've been through.

Hang in there.

Hi there again.

You have a job! That's not bad at all! What do you do? It's not shameful to even work at McDonald's or something--at least it's a job!

Truthfully, just because someone's older doesn't mean they are unsuitable as friends. I'm an older guy--but I most certainly don't preclude myself from making friends with younger people. I'm young in spirit.

Where are you located? Why won't your parents let you use public transportation? Have you got a drivers' license?

This is not a lost cause, by any means. I think you can, and will pull through.

A & P was our main supermarket back in the 1960s when I was growing up in NYC

What's DDD?

I would guess your job is walking distance--at least you don't have to pay for gas!

To me, honestly, it doesn't make sense that your parents do not "allow" you to use public transportation. You're a 22 year old man; you have to right to do what you want, provided it's not criminal. I think your parents might be a little overprotective.

Do you pay any rent to the house?

I bet you have some kind of creative interest.

Hi, at least here online there are people who understand your situation and can empathize with you. I grew up in a small town as well. Luckily my mom is a lot more supportive than yours seems to be. It's a pity so many people seem to have families that don't like or appreciate them.

I'm not qualified to give any medical advice but would strongly recommend you to seek some professional help, even if you have to go behind your mom's back to do so. In the meantime try to find some hobby that fulfils you and that you are good at, whether this is drawing or painting, writing, jogging, swimming, collecting, gaming... the choice is yours!

Your parents are restricting you and emotionally abusing you. They seem to think you're more disabled than you are and that's likely why they won't even let you use public transport. They seem like control freaks!

Consider it a compliment that people call you a geek because of your intelligence. Don't be ashamed of your intelligence. You have the potential to achieve much more than your peers. Believe you can do it and don't let anyone stand in the way of what you dream.

I'm also an older guy and age means nothing to me - I'm 51 going on 30!

Make use of them. Do it behind your parents' back. You're a grown man. You have more opportunity to succeed than you realize.

If I'd listen totally to my mother, I would never have gotten to the point where I am now.

It's classic, really: the parents don't want to let their "child" go. I'm wondering if there's some other reason for their inability to allow you to be a grownup.

You, as an adult, must find a way to fight your parent's urges to hold you down. You have the intelligence. You have the incentive. You're ***ssed off at your situation; I would be, too. Frequently, depression happens when you're ****sed off rather than sad.

You are a living, breathing human being who has something to contribute. Don't let your parents keep you a child.

I understand you feel it's insurmountable--but not taking steps will render it impossible.

Like I said, it's the classic battle: your parents don't want to let you go--but you want to be released from their yoke.

This is part of being an adult: forcefully removing that yoke from your neck (but doing it wisely). This is part of being an adult, whether you're ASD or NT.

I think you have the incentive. You have to at least take "baby steps."

Otherwise, the yoke will still be there to strangle you for the rest of your life.

I would talk to DDD about your situation, and what your dad told you.

Did you ask them whether you have to live with your father in order for this to happen?

It seems like that's possible.

I hope he wasn't abusive to you when you were younger.

If you have to live with your dad, just put up with it until you get housing.