Do you ever feel like you don't have a friend in the world?

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Joe90
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07 Jun 2014, 6:24 am

It doesn't mean you have zero friends, but sometimes it feels that way when you feel like there's nobody reliable or close enough to ask for a favour or to enjoy a day out with or just somebody you can talk to when you're feeling anxious and know they will listen and understand you.

I know how to be a true friend to others, but I can't seem to find a person to be a true friend to me. I used to have a friend who also struggled to make friends, and she sometimes would ask me if I wanted to come shopping with her. I would say yes because spending a day out will do us both good. But now she's met this boyfriend and doesn't seem to have time for me any more so I suppose that's the end of that. Also I will do a favour for someone is they ask me, and I would do my best not to let them down. And I always like to listen and understand if a person has a problem, although I'm not very knowledgeable and so can't always offer advice, but I still listen and empathise and try to do the best I can to help them feel better, like arrange a meal out or something. But I've never actually had somebody do any of that with me.

Do you ever feel that way? Would you like to have a few descent friends who you can rely on and they won't let you down?


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LookingLost
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07 Jun 2014, 6:55 am

Yes. I'd feel guilty saying that though as I do have friends and they are good people. I think I know what you mean though.


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anotherswede
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07 Jun 2014, 7:00 am

I feel just like that all the time. I just don't know how and where to find a good friend.

When I was young it was easier, but now... Everyone has lots of friends and are in relationships. So it is hard to start from zero or few friends and find new ones.



Joe90
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07 Jun 2014, 7:35 am

LookingLost wrote:
Yes. I'd feel guilty saying that though as I do have friends and they are good people. I think I know what you mean though.


Yes, that is what I meant. I do have some nice people around, but I feel I can't really rely on them too much, if you know what I mean. I have one friend who would be more willing to do more things if she had the money (she's in a bad situation with money at the moment), but she's almost 40 years older than me, and sometimes I feel like I want a friend a bit younger than 60 years old. I stay in touch with her because she does at least bother to contact me and want to see me, but I still would rather some friends more younger too.

I would love to have few friends who phone up and go ''what you doing next Saturday? Fancy coming down to the coast with us?'' And when I go with them I wouldn't feel like I'm just shyly tagging along behind feeling a bit ostracized. I'd like a small group of friends (no bigger than about 2 or 3 others) who I feel included with and can be myself and laugh about things and feel comfortable. The trouble is I can't seem to find any descent friends like that.


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Aspiewordsmith
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07 Jun 2014, 9:00 am

I also think that I don't have friends. Any people are only out for what they can get out of you and all very superficIal. I really only get the opportunity to meet like minded people monthly and allistics are only interested in what I have to offer and get really hostile if I'm not a soft touch. When I do meet some like minded people I can never get a word in edgeway and some others are too obsessed aboout gender whci I find most annoying.:arrow:



leejosepho
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07 Jun 2014, 9:25 am

I can definitely identify here. I have my wife, two daughters, a son-in-law and others who are trustworthy and who willingly accept me as I am, but I can still never just "let me hair down completely", so to speak, in complete freedom without having to be concerned about how something I say or do might be heard or misunderstood or cause a reaction or whatever. People can only be as confident as they can be in however far they are willing and able to go with things, and some of us just go too far for others to be comfortable there.


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Aspendos
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07 Jun 2014, 10:07 am

Zero friends here. Which means that feeling and reality are in sync.



LookingLost
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07 Jun 2014, 10:57 am

Joe90 wrote:
LookingLost wrote:
Yes. I'd feel guilty saying that though as I do have friends and they are good people. I think I know what you mean though.


Yes, that is what I meant. I do have some nice people around, but I feel I can't really rely on them too much, if you know what I mean. I have one friend who would be more willing to do more things if she had the money (she's in a bad situation with money at the moment), but she's almost 40 years older than me, and sometimes I feel like I want a friend a bit younger than 60 years old. I stay in touch with her because she does at least bother to contact me and want to see me, but I still would rather some friends more younger too.

I would love to have few friends who phone up and go ''what you doing next Saturday? Fancy coming down to the coast with us?'' And when I go with them I wouldn't feel like I'm just shyly tagging along behind feeling a bit ostracized. I'd like a small group of friends (no bigger than about 2 or 3 others) who I feel included with and can be myself and laugh about things and feel comfortable. The trouble is I can't seem to find any descent friends like that.


Thought that might be what you meant, sorry. Then yeah, I can definitely relate. I would also like to have friends who would look me up to just hang out and do nothing special/specific. I have three friends who seem to meet up with each other more than they meet up with me, so I always seem to be missing stuff and losing track of what is going on.
(Although I do currently have friends, and more of them than I've ever had before in my life, so am very thankful for that)


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Tim_Tex
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07 Jun 2014, 12:07 pm

Other than a handful of old high school classmates I chat with on FB, I have very few friends.


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Joe90
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07 Jun 2014, 12:26 pm

Admittedly my mum and a few other close relatives are the best friends I will ever have, but I'm talking about people outside of family.


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alpineglow
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07 Jun 2014, 1:15 pm

Other than a couple good or great online friends I have not had a friend in real life for over 20 years, and that was only for less than a year. Others here who are in my situation know what it is like.



muslimmetalhead
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07 Jun 2014, 3:57 pm

I suppose so.


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Kiprobalhato
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07 Jun 2014, 11:28 pm

I have acquaintances - i don't even know if they are even that - who just say "hi" to me in the halls and stuff, some closer friends i text once in a while (all female, all my life i have had more female friends than male). i've only ever had two come to my house, one was my LO. I can't rely on them too much.

All my life i have felt like the tag-along friend, didn't really fit in. But in one case, maybe that was because i was 2 grades below them... :? I don't thing anyone from the groups i used to stick around with would have cared if i just left one day.

I just want friend/s that would hit me up one day and ask "Hey are you free tomorrow?" or we're going party shopping for (person)'s birthday, wanna come?" Close enough that i wound't feel like that guy who just showed up and started tagging along, and when i'm gone, they start talking S***. because that has happened to me before.

On the plus side, i feel like i am a lot more confident than before, and i know when i'm getting annoying.



SoMissunderstood
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08 Jun 2014, 1:31 am

Like the above poster, I have a few 'acquaintances' but I don't really have any real friends - but then again, as my family so rightly pointed out. I don't go out of my way to make any either.

I just find I have absolutely nothing in common with about 99% of people out there and when I do try and involve myself in any conversation, the subject either changes, or it ends.

I often get the feeling as if I am 'talking to myself' and I am only just a phantom in this world...I am waiting for some little kid to walk up to me and go 'I see dead people'. lol

It used to really bother me that I cannot seem to connect with another human being on any level whatsoever, but then I reached an acceptance that this is 'who I am' and I am not about to change that and become somebody I am not just to 'fit in'.

So, I had to restructure my whole life to the point where trying to achieve social interaction was no longer important to me and I became totally 'dehumanised'. I became free.

Even on here, I wait to see if anybody reads my posts and replies to them, so I check the threads and notice people replying to everybody else and not me...but I am placated in the sense that if I said something wrong or bad, I would have many people jumping down my throat to 'correct' me (as it is human nature to do), so I think I am on the right track at least.

I'd like to have a friend to talk to sometimes though...and when somebody goes and tells me to 'make friends', I do so...in my mind.

There's a whole little 'society' in there, full of my own characters that I create as an example of how I would like friends to be...yep, I talk to them and they 'talk' back. I realise it is all folly, but it is my own coping mechanism.



opal
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08 Jun 2014, 4:18 am

Yep.



TerryD
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14 Jun 2014, 9:54 pm

SoMissunderstood wrote:
Like the above poster, I have a few 'acquaintances' but I don't really have any real friends - but then again, as my family so rightly pointed out. I don't go out of my way to make any either.

I just find I have absolutely nothing in common with about 99% of people out there and when I do try and involve myself in any conversation, the subject either changes, or it ends.

I often get the feeling as if I am 'talking to myself' and I am only just a phantom in this world...I am waiting for some little kid to walk up to me and go 'I see dead people'. lol

It used to really bother me that I cannot seem to connect with another human being on any level whatsoever, but then I reached an acceptance that this is 'who I am' and I am not about to change that and become somebody I am not just to 'fit in'.

So, I had to restructure my whole life to the point where trying to achieve social interaction was no longer important to me and I became totally 'dehumanised'. I became free.

Even on here, I wait to see if anybody reads my posts and replies to them, so I check the threads and notice people replying to everybody else and not me...but I am placated in the sense that if I said something wrong or bad, I would have many people jumping down my throat to 'correct' me (as it is human nature to do), so I think I am on the right track at least.

I'd like to have a friend to talk to sometimes though...and when somebody goes and tells me to 'make friends', I do so...in my mind.

There's a whole little 'society' in there, full of my own characters that I create as an example of how I would like friends to be...yep, I talk to them and they 'talk' back. I realise it is all folly, but it is my own coping mechanism.


I couldn't have said it better myself. This is exactly how I feel.