Hopeless at knowing what people think of me

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When I was younger, I used to think people liked me or appreciated the help I gave them or thought I was a good worker and so many times I would find out I was wrong and that they were either thinking the opposite of what I thought, didn't like me or didn't care about me or thought I was a bad worker or up to no good.

Now I'm older, I still get those thoughts but every time I get them, I always remind myself about all the times I've been wrong and have just come to expect that what I'm thinking is wrong and that they probably don't like me or care about me or think good of me.

I'm more realistic now but it's sad when you realize people don't like or care about you and even worse, are probably thinking badly about you. I've just come to expect it.

Maybe my attitude on this has spoiled whatever ability I had of socialising (if any) in the first place?!

I moreso have had the problem of people acting like they like me just to take advantage of me.

[Thread moved from Random Discussion to The Haven]

I don't think that's necessarily a more "realistic view". I feel the same way a lot of times, but I realized that just because people have rejected me before, doesn't mean they will now. Think of it this way: you try to work hard, or be friendly, and maybe you will make a friend. But if you are constantly thinking "maybe I'm only imagining they like me?", then you may become so paralyzed by your own fear you will avoid people, and they might end up thinking you are rejecting them. Even if they really don't like you, it's not because of YOU. If you are doing everything you can to be friendly and they still don't like you, that's their problem, and you are probably better off without them anyway.

People with asperger's tend to be more straightforward in their thinking when it comes to relationships, and they directly interpret other peoples actions as either approval or disapproval. I know, because my best friend has aspergers, and if we get in a small argument or if I'm not feeling very talkative that day, he thinks I hate him. So I have to reassure him that we are still friends (and most likely always will be).

So don't assume anybody likes you or dislikes unless they tell you so, or you have very good evidence (for example, if they keep wanting to spend time with you, they most likely like you. If, on the other hand, they are rude or insulting or go out of their way to avoid you, they most likely don't). And if you have to assume, lean towards the positive. It hurts to be rejected, but it's worse to never take a chance and be lonely because of it.

It takes a lot of work to get over that fear (I'm still working on it), but look at it this way: you CAN'T give up. Just keep pushing yourself in life, and you can get what you want.

And, sorry for the long post.