People trying to change you

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Do you have problems with people trying to get you to live life according to how they live it? "You should try wearing make-up." "You need to be around people more." "You need to talk more." "You'll feel better if you get out more."

Oh, yep, bigtime. I'm fresh off of dealing with this from someone just the other day, regarding the topic of stress and how to handle it. He's an acquaintance who is clearly BORN laid-back and with the kind of neurology that doesn't take anything seriously, doesn't let anything get to him. I, on the other hand, was practically born stressed out and prone to anxiety. He has no idea why I can't just be like him. Have the reactions HE has to things that bother me.

I wonder if he's even aware of the fact that research has actually found that people are indeed born with different "wiring" neurologically, and different amounts of the brain chemicals that influence personality and mood, meaning that some people really do grow up to handle things well or not, and the "nots" have a greater challenge in learning how.

I hate it when people don't accept you as you are and work with you from that place.

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I am crippled by anxiety and feel best by myself. I have a problem with extroverts arguing with me that I would feel better out and about not at home by myself. They are 100% positive they are right. Where is their Theory of Mind?

All the time!

However, it also pays to remember they are only trying to 'help' (in the only way they know how) and are just saying it for your own 'best interests'....their heart is in the right place, but their head just....isn't.

It's not 'trying to get you to live your life according to how they live it', but 'trying to get you to live your life according to how they think you should live it' and there's a big difference.

Nobody has the ability to 'change' you, as any change must come from within yourself.

I hate wearing make-up too, but some days I'll wear it just to see how good I can 'scrub up' and I also like lip gloss and eyeliner, so I experiment with those, but nothing too heavy or outlandish - I use mostly natural products and natural tones and it does make a difference in my appearance and I look younger, fresher and 'better' (more awake).

If it's not for you, it's not for you...but don't make it 'not for you' just because other people say it should be...do you understand? think about what people say, but make it your own decision and then that 'change' has already started to happen - even staying the same is 'changing'.

Talking and being around people more is a HUGE one for me, but I am making small steps with being around those who are closest to me a bit more and working outwards from there.

I'm not generally all that 'extroverted' to start with, but getting a hobby or finding something that interests you is a great start and through that, you may meet people and make a friend or two.

They are only trying to take you 'out of yourself' by finding something that you like to do and others may share similar interests - don't think of it as being they want you to 'live like them' when most of the time it's said out of a genuine concern.

Ask them to help you do these things and experience them before deciding if that lifestyle is for you.

I have trouble finding things I like to do, but I recently got given a very nice camera and taking pictures sounds like a good idea...

Follow your bliss and good luck.

Mostly my family. Any friends that I've gotten close to understand a lot better than my family about 'who I am'.

My parents weren't really this way. I'm not sure how different I would be if that were not the case.

I've had this problem before. I remember one of my friends used to pull dumb jokes on me all the time in an effort to get my to lighten up. This was before he realized I was an aspie and that I don't take jokes well.

I also remember my older stepbrother telling me a few years back that I would become more easygoing and "functional" if I got a job. Well, I had a job for 5 months, and aside from the money I earned from it, it didn't improve s**t for me. He also suggested to me many times that I should start smoking weed, as it would make me more relaxed and less obsessive. I don't see the issue with marijuana in and of itself, but I've seen the type of crowd stoners often fall into, and I do NOT want to fall into that crowd, nor do I want to disappoint my family by partaking in what at this point is still an illegal drug.

I've also been told by several people that I need to quit making excuses and just DO things. For f**k sakes, usually when people think I'm making up "excuses", I'm actually trying to explain things to them, but they're just being ignorant about it because they're not hearing what they want to hear. As for the "just DO x" part, I don't work that way, I really don't. Motivation has been one of my biggest difficulties, especially since my early teens, and I still haven't found a solution for it.

When people tell me to "stop worrying" "stop stressing" "stop obsessing" or whatever, it's like they assume I can just turn those things off at the flick of a switch. I don't f*****g work that way. I don't think anybody actually works that way, and anyone who does must be f*****g superhuman with perfect control over their emotions and brain chemistry.

Yeah, I've had people try to change me. It pisses me off and I wish they would just f**k off and leave me alone.

Yes. Family mostly. It bugs me.