My best friend has a gay crush on me

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I have a friend who I've known since elementary school, he is one of my few former schoolmates that I have bothered to keep in touch with over the years and now we both go to the same community college and until recently we regularly met up and helped with each others' assignments. He is on the spectrum too and we share some of the same interests so we have a lot of common ground for discussion and activities, we watch and enjoy the same films and TV shows and apart from that we have collaborated on a few creative projects and through that we have expanded on each others' interests and skills, however recently we have both withdrawn from each other as we have had to focus on finishing our diplomas which left us both little time or energy for social calls.

About a week ago I was shocked to find out that he is in a romantic relationship with a guy overseas, I felt uneasy as it seemed a little out of the blue but I was polite and encouraging nonetheless; however he is at odds with his parents who are Christians and he has special interests that he intentionally keeps a secret from them, me being among the few who know about these 'interests'. I had trouble understanding his motives but he told me not to tell anyone about his bisexuality, I promised I wouldn't but I had a hunch that he had interests far closer to home.

Last night I received a very strange text from the guy, in it he confessed that he loves me and that he wants me to be his boyfriend, now this text made me feel very uncomfortable as I consider myself straight and it's also a hard situation to deal with as I still care about his feelings and want to remain friends. I also suspect he is unsure of his sexual identity and that he may simply have an interest in me because I really am his only good friend.

I told him I need time to think but I intend to turn him down, politely, what's the best way to handle this?

Turn him down, politely, as quickly as possible.

Emphasize that you are heterosexual.

Emphasize that you want to remain friends. Continue speaking/writing to him like normal.

You have to be direct in this; otherwise, he might misconstrue you.

I'm sorry that I can't give you advice regarding your specific question, but I've been in similar situations and I hope that my comments will help. A lot depends on your friend's future behavior, which his difficult home life and the social prejudices around male homosexuality will impact. I have found it very uncomfortable to deal with unwanted sexual advances from both men and women, but in each case they displayed signs of mental health issues such as habitual deception and their behavior made it impossible for us to remain friends.

I hope that your friend will understand that you didn't decide your sexual orientation or level of interest in him any more than he decided his. In one case, I tried being honest and in another I tried oversimplifying and being firm and direct. Neither one worked, but I suspect that has more to do with the other parties' issues than it did with my strategy. I suppose that I should mention my bisexuality, which a lot of people seem to wrongly equate with promiscuity. That certainly complicated my situation.

You didn't mention your orientation. So, assuming you are straight, Then that is what you need to tell him, that you are heterosexual and cannot be more than friends. If you are also gay, then tell him the same, that you are not interested in being anything more than friends.

If you are not interested in someone, that has to be made clear, unambiguously. Otherwise, confusion reigns.

lol, am I the only guy who would feel slightly complimented that a male friend has a crush on me? I'd turn him down but a part of me would probably like him a little more knowing that I possess this allure haha.

I would turn him down in a similar spirit as this though... be care-free about it, and take it in as a compliment, but be jocund and light-hearted...that should preserve the friendship.

IMO, as a gay guy, the best way is with the truth.

Tell him you're flattered & appreciate the compliment that his confession to you was, but that you're simply not interested in him in that way because you're straight. You like him as the friend he is to you and want to continue being friends, helping each other out, and doing cool stuff together.

I'd also tell him I respected him for having the guts to tell you - because that takes guts.

Remind him that he hasn't lost anything because you two have never been more than friends, and that you don't want to lose him as a friend over this. It's still just the same friendship status you've always had, only maybe a little closer now that you two can feel more comfortable sharing things of a more personal nature with each other after having gone through this deeply personal situation together - and that's a pretty cool thing.

If he loves you (I mean that in a non-sexual way) as the friend you are to him, then he'll accept your response, and eventually appreciate it, as you continue to be long term or even life long friends. I doubt he'd freak out, but might need some time alone to think/feel/process/accept etc so don't be too surprised if you don't hear much from him for a while.

And IMO this deserves an in person conversation if you can handle having it, but I suppose text/email would suffice if you just can't handle the potentially awkward conversation live face to face.

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

I just want to express my appreciation of all of the responses I have received, and as an update I have spoken to him in person and I broke it to him delicately but honestly, I'm actually very proud of him for having the guts to show his true feelings and I assured him that I do care for him deeply and I do love him as a friend. He seems to have taken it ok even if he was a little OTT in how he expressed his affection towards me (he told me he wants to become a woman so he can marry me and be the mother of my child), and despite the unease that goes with the territory I do say I am very flattered to know that he has such a view of me, but maybe that's just the heat of the moment. FYI I have a very positive view towards most gays and I in no way see it as the incorrect way to live, most of the gays I know are awesome!

Just tell him you like him only as a friend/love him only as a brother and you can't imagine being in love relationship with him or any other boy because you are straight. Make it clear. He will get the message and you will still be friends (of course for some time he will keep his distance, broken hearth needs to be cured without being forced to see the target). Unless he is hanging out with you only because of the crush which doesn't seem likely.

I was similar situation just on the opposite side - I was the one feeling in love with my friend that is a girl like me. When I told her how I feel she told me she is sorry but she loves me like a twin sister and it can't be any other way. At first I was mugging her to reconsider it but soon I gave up and started to arrange meetings less often because if was painful to see her (and because lately I was attending the meetings more than usual because I wanted to see her, not for the meetings themselves). But after a few months everything returned to normal and right now our relationship is just like it was before I developed the feelings to her. The feelings are a past already since I successfully got rid of them.

Well when it comes to different races, beliefs, genders, disabilities, sexualities and sexual identities, it is never a matter of tolerance for me. As an aspie, I myself am in a minority and I do not think I should be treated as a second class citizen due to a difference that is out of my control, and so neither should anyone else whatever that difference may be. I think for me to be intolerant or bigoted towards any minority would be extraordinarily hypocritical.