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puddingmouse
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27 Jun 2014, 5:19 pm

Is it possible at all for someone with Asperger's to be manipulative?

I didn't think it was, but I wonder sometimes.

I know some other people diagnosed with ASD irl (I know them through my job) who seem manipulative sometimes. I don't know if they are really being manipulative or if I'm reading something that isn't there into their behaviour. Has anyone else come across this?


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KB8CWB
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27 Jun 2014, 5:24 pm

I don't know any in RL so I can't say. I suspect my older brother to be on the spectrum and he is a manipulator. I have little proof of if he truly is on the spectrum but working on that.

People who manipulate come from all walks of life and personalities. I think it is actually a learned or acquired trait so I see no reason someone on the spectrum couldn't exhibit this behaviour. I would have to say it is possible but I don't know any confirmed people on the spectrum. Hopefully someone will chime in with direct experience. My gut feel it is very possible and just as likely as it is in NTs.



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27 Jun 2014, 5:37 pm

I knew one who would abuse his mother to get his way. I knew one online who told me she would throw tantrums to leave places.


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a_dork
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27 Jun 2014, 6:19 pm

Aspies can be manipulative. How well they can manipulate is another story. Since manipulation requires insight into the mindset of other people, I doubt an Aspie would be naturally inclined to be manipulate others. If an Aspie does appear to have manipulating abilities, they probably learned it like they would any social skill.


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27 Jun 2014, 6:23 pm

I think it is possible, but it is usually (as far as I know) basic/simple manipulation (i.e. not some long complicated plan, as some politicians - and others - do). For example a person who knows that someone loves them, and they know that they usually give them what they ask (whatever it may be). I think some lie too, but again I think usually its not some complicated lies (again like politicians for example lol), and if you know the person and are not blinded by love (like sometimes moms and dads can be lol) it is easy to see that they are lying.


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puddingmouse
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27 Jun 2014, 6:42 pm

a_dork wrote:
Aspies can be manipulative. How well they can manipulate is another story. Since manipulation requires insight into the mindset of other people, I doubt an Aspie would be naturally inclined to be manipulate others. If an Aspie does appear to have manipulating abilities, they probably learned it like they would any social skill.


I am quite high functioning in terms of holding down a job, living indepently and having a circle of friends - but I've never learned to manipulate well. Maybe that's because I never wanted to or because thought it was bad ethically, rather than because I'm incapable of learning it?

Or maybe I'm more mind-blind than I thought I was, even if my skills for coping with life in general are quite good?

Some of the people who I suspect of being manipulative seem like they're 'more autistic' than me but I guess people are more or less impaired in different aspects of their lives.


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Marybird
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27 Jun 2014, 6:45 pm

Social manipulation takes quite a bit of social cognition.
I don't think that it is natural for autistic people to think that way or relate to people that way. maybe it could be learned and used to a certain extent but not an essential part of their personality.
A study showed that bullies are excellent social manipulators.



puddingmouse
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27 Jun 2014, 6:48 pm

Marybird wrote:
Social manipulation takes quite a bit of social cognition.
I don't think that it is natural for autistic people to think that way or relate to people that way. maybe it could be learned and used to a certain extent but not an essential part of their personality.
A study showed that bullies are excellent social manipulators.


I seem to be a target for bullies, whatever their neurology. :(


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KB8CWB
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27 Jun 2014, 6:51 pm

puddingmouse wrote:
Marybird wrote:
Social manipulation takes quite a bit of social cognition.
I don't think that it is natural for autistic people to think that way or relate to people that way. maybe it could be learned and used to a certain extent but not an essential part of their personality.
A study showed that bullies are excellent social manipulators.


I seem to be a target for bullies, whatever their neurology. :(


^This!^ Image



Marybird
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27 Jun 2014, 6:54 pm

^Me too.



Shadi2
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27 Jun 2014, 7:01 pm

lol I like your emoticons KB8CWB :)


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KB8CWB
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27 Jun 2014, 7:08 pm

Shadi2 wrote:
lol I like your emoticons KB8CWB :)


Image



League_Girl
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27 Jun 2014, 7:09 pm

I think anyone can manipulate but that doesn't mean you will be good at it or succeed. Think of a two year old having a tantrum and no one gives in on their tantrum. Manipulation failed.


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puddingmouse
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27 Jun 2014, 7:21 pm

League_Girl wrote:
I think anyone can manipulate but that doesn't mean you will be good at it or succeed. Think of a two year old having a tantrum and no one gives in on their tantrum. Manipulation failed.


I'm very vulnerable to it. Maybe I wouldn't give into a a two year old having a tantrum now because I've toughened up a bit, but I have mental habits that make me easy to manipulate. I must change them.


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27 Jun 2014, 7:25 pm

I was definitely manipulative when I was younger, and I often tried to "play" other people to make things work in my favor. I was never too good at it, though for a little while it was fairly easy to convince my parents to get things for me, right around the time they started fighting. Eventually, my parents tightened up, and I stopped trying to manipulate people, because I found out I wasn't any good at it.