A Special Hell for Asperger females

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I find that my brother has been the more offensive of my siblings when it comes to treating me with dignity and respect; but that may be because we're far closer in age than me and my sister.

My sister does a lot of seal-clubbing herself, she is by no means a saint, but my brother was (and still sort of is) leagues worse.

I'm the youngest of three; and I'm the only AS individual in my family.

A lot of the BS was in high school for me. Now I'm in a primarily male field (mathematics), and I don't have too many issues. Some of the girls can be a little irritating, especially when they find out that I'm not a teacher licensure candidate. For some reason I get a lot of other women saying things like "why don't you major in something fun" or something like that. Men seem to nod out of respect for the discipline, not necessarily for me. (I still look around 15, which according to the thread running in this forum is a regular occurrence with AS females.)

I've had to pursue men in my experience; the only ones I didn't chase after had AS tendencies themselves. My first boyfriend had an AS diagnosis, and the second one had some serious AS tendencies that were more profound than mine but no diagnosis. The first lasted around 9 months, and the second one lasted only around a month and a half. The latter was definitely one of those "I thought we'd be perfect once you did everything I wanted you to do" kinds of dudes and I'm glad his ass landed promptly on the pavement. I'll find someone eventually, but for now: c'est la vie.

I do occasionally fall for an NT, but it never really pans out. I'm not sure why, but they either think I'm too forward or they just see me as "one of the guys".

I pretty much know at this point that if I find a man, he will most likely have AS of some variant. Maybe I'll find him in grad school.

But, screw 'em if they can't take a joke. We're pretty cool in our own way and we don't need 'em.

This will date me, but I've always Identified with Ayla, the medicine woman who hunted for herself in jean Aules "Clan of the Cave Bears." I see Ayla as the patron saint of women with aspergers.

Yanno, being someone who doesn't just have AS but also survived child abuse, it's completely screwed up my ability to even think about a romantic relationship with anyone without me going, well, this:



Yeah, I do not trust guys romantically, despite still being straight. Methinks it's because the only guy I've ever seen who's impacted my view of guys is my dad.

You too?? I think often, at least once a week of Iza on her deathbed telling Ayla to get away and find her own people.

I wonder, and will wonder until my death, just exactly where the hell "my own people" might be found.

I have no expectation that I will find them.

And I identify, 110%, with everything the OP said.